Sins of the Father
by D. M. Evans
Summary: Connor must deal with his relationship with Cordy as the world threatens to end. First in the What Little Boys are Made of series
1. On the Streets

SINS OF THE FATHER  
 'What Little Boys Are Made of' Series Part 1

Author – D M Evans

Feedback geekgirzrus@yahoo.com

Disclaimer – There are some things I own in this world, these characters aren't among them. All characters belong to Mr. Whedon and a big thank you for letting me borrow them. The various lyrics and poetry will be marked as to whom they belong to.

Rating - R

Spoilers – Prologue is set before "Deep Down" and the rest of the action picks up after "Super symmetry" and "Rain of Fire" going AU thereafter.

Summary - Pretty much the end of the world is nigh and Angel and his friends and family are being torn apart from within.

PROLOGUE

Graffiti decorations  
Underneath a sky of dust  
A constant wave of tension  
On top of broken trust  
The lessons that you taught me  
I learn were never true  
Now I find myself in question  
They point the finger at me again  
Guilty by association  
You point the finger at me again 

_I wanna run away  
Never say goodbye  
I wanna know the truth  
Instead of wondering why  
I wanna know the answers  
No more lies  
I wanna shut the door  
And open up my mind_

_Runaway –_ Linkin Park

Anne hoped the fourteen-year-old hooker she had just given her card to would take her up on the offer to come to her shelter. Anne spent so much time on the streets at night that she was beginning to forget what daylight looked like. She was still amazed that she was with this gig. She was notorious for cutting and running but this kept her in place. Maybe helping lost kids was what she was meant for. After all she had been one herself and it led to her nearly being vampire food in Sunnydale and a demon slave in L.A.

There was just something about her work that felt right. Anne only wished she could reach more kids. A lot of them took one look at her blonde hair and trim body and thought 'rich white girl trying to feel good about herself by tossing the poor folk a bone.' She didn't have a street-wise look. To that end she was overjoyed that Zalika Loveland had joined with her. Her dark cocoa skin seemed to make her more acceptable to many of L.A.'s forgotten children. Ironically Zalika was working on her PhD in psychology and came from a wealthy family. Anne knew Zalika was only with East Hills Teen Center to do fieldwork for her thesis but she didn't care. Zalika was funny and good with the kids.

Feeling someone touch her shoulder, Anne turned and smiled at her partner. 

"He's here again." Zalika pointed to a scrawny dark-haired boy. They had seen him several times skulking through the streets over the past weeks.  They had tried to approach him once before but he had an air of wildness to him, prey or predator Anne couldn't really tell. She should be better at making the distinction by now but she wasn't. 

"Should we try to talk to him?" Anne asked.

Zalika shrugged. The multitude of long thin plaits she had moved like the ocean, lathing her shoulders. "He's an odd one. He's too clean to be living on the streets."

"So why is he out here night after night?" Anne stared at the boy. He seemed tired which was unusual from what little she had seen of him before.

"I wish I knew. I'm half expecting him to be a pimp or a pusher but no one gets near him." Zalika pulled her jacket closed. The night air was getting nippy. 

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to try talking to him again." 

Anne headed toward the club the boy stood in front of, its bright neon proclaiming 'Girls, topless and bottomless' complete with an outline of a woman in repose with a cherry red nipple. He seemed oblivious to it. Zalika paced along behind her.  The boy marked their approach, a cautious look in his eyes. He didn't run this time but he didn't seem happy about their intrusion either. Zalika caught Anne's arm, squeezing gently, their trouble signal. She nodded at the youth. Anne saw it, too, the hint of a knife handle in the pocket of his jacket. She looked into Zalika's dark eyes to see if they should just walk on past or not but Zalika had a resolved expression in place. The grad student stopped and smiled at the boy, carefully just out of easy arm's reach.

"Hello, I'm Zalika and this is Anne. We've seen you around before and we were hoping we could talk some."

"About what?" he asked, a surly look marring his face.

"About why you're out in the streets alone at night. We wanted you to know there's no need to go it alone. There's help," Anne said cheerfully. "We run a place where you can be with other kids like yourself, some place safe from drugs and violence."

He snorted. "Doubt there's many kids like me."

"You'd be surprised….will you tell us your name?" Anne asked, encouraged that she hadn't been told to go away.

He shrugged. "Connor."

"It's dangerous out here alone, Connor. I know you probably think it was just as bad wherever it is you came from. I'm not going to ask about your parents or your home, unless you feel like you want to talk about it. It could be you had good reasons for running away," Zalika said.

"I haven't run away. I have a place to stay," Connor protested, starting to move away.

Zalika took a step closer and he paused. "All right then, that's not why you're here but still there is something not quite right in your life that has you walking the streets at night."

A strange smile slithered across his face. "That's true."

"We can help you with that," Anne said, holding out a card to him, not quite getting close enough to be a target if he drew his knife. He stepped forward and took it, staring at it as if he didn't quite know what it was. "East Hills Teen Center is a haven and we would like to have you there. We can help you with that something that's not quite right."

He laughed, making a sound too bitter and old for him. "I doubt it." He moved to give her back the card but Anne stepped away.

"Keep it, in case you change your mind," Zalika said. "It really isn't safe out here. If you don't get mugged, there's always someone trying to sell you drugs or worse." She paused, her eyes raking over his hips. "Buy you."

His brow wrinkled and Zalika wasn't sure if it was from disgust or a lack of understanding about what she meant.

"I'll be fine. I don't need help." There was no doubt in his voice but the ladies were used to that. Too many kids thought they'd be fine. They didn't know what was worse, that false confidence or the beaten tone the teens picked up way too fast.

"Connor! There you are!"

The two ladies turned, hearing the booming voice behind them. A young shave-headed man loped up the sidewalk.

"You got lost on me again, and what a section of town to pick to do it," he continued.

Connor snickered. "Lost you? Maybe you need to learn to keep up, Gunn."

"Don't be a smartass. Oh, sorry ladies." Gunn offered them a sheepish look then recognition sparked in his eyes. "Anne, Zalika, you two are out late. No trouble at the center I hope."

"Charles, you know him?" Anne asked, pointing at Connor.

Gunn bobbed his head, blue and red neon flashing off the dark clean-shaven flesh. "Connor's part of the team but he's having trouble remembering there's no I in team." He winced. He was beginning to sound like Fred.

"I'm sticking with you're too slow and you're the one who got lost," the boy shot back, a cocky look in his hooded eyes.

"Thanks for looking out for him, ladies. Come on, Connor, we'd better report back before Fred has a heart attack." Gunn chucked Connor's slim shoulder.

  
"Wouldn't want to be responsible for that," Connor said. 

Anne and Zalika watched them go. 

"Well, I wasn't expecting that," Zalika said.

"No kidding. Guess we ought to get back to work," Anne replied and they headed for the gaggle of streetwalkers at the end of the block.

  


CHAPTER ONE 

You left me this mornin' 

_Standing on the corner_

_(as) I waved bye to you_

_You gave me no reason_

_Just brought me to my knees_

_ And left me (here) feelin' all alone and blue_

_You Left Me This Mornin' -_ Indigenous

Connor sat on the remains of his bed. Cordelia had left him. How could she just do that? She moved in, disrupted his life, got his trust to the point he shared himself at his most defenseless right here on the tattered mattress, then she just as fast moved out on him. Didn't she know how much that hurt? Worse, he thought she had liked him. She wore outfits that flashed her intimate flesh at him. She let him touch her while they sparred, touched in ways obviously not related to fighting. She had kissed him back after dusting that vampire.  He hadn't imagined that. How could she toy with someone like this? Surely she had to know it was wrong.

His father – or at least the man he preferred to think of as his father- had told him people touched like that only if they cared about each other. It wasn't for playing games. It had to mean something. It had to him, so why was it a game to Cordy? What sort of hold did Angel have over her to make her go back? When she had been here, he had barely thought about the vampire beyond trying to insure no reminders of him were around. Cordelia didn't even seem to think of Angel either until she just up and left.

Connor had taken out his pain on the contents of his home until the rage drained away, leaving him shaking and exhausted. He settled back into the mess and tried to lace together the pieces of his broken heart.


	2. Hotel California

CHAPTER TWO

And I was thinking to myself   
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell   
Then she lit up a candle   
And she showed me the way   
There were voices down the corridor   
I thought I heard them say   
  
Welcome to the Hotel California   
Such a lovely place   
Such a lovely place   
Such a lovely face   
Plenty of room at the Hotel California   
Any time of year   
Any time of year    
You can find it here   
You can find it here

_Hotel California _– The Eagles

Connor watched the Hyperion beginning an hour before nightfall. He only hoped that Angel would leave through the front door so he'd have a way of knowing where the vampire was. Anyone else would have cramped up by the time Angel left the hotel with Gunn – Connor counted himself lucky on that one – but his son was used to remaining motionless for hours. 

He snuck into the hotel, hoping to get a chance to talk to Cordelia alone. Unfortunately she was wrapped up in listening to Fred who fluttered around the lobby like a butterfly in a hurricane. He knew this mood of Fred's; it annoyed him but admittedly he had never seen her this distraught. He rooted, fascinated by this display of mental meltdown.

"Fred, could you just sit and tell me what's wrong?" Cordy snapped, her eyes tired and puffy.

Fred kept up her frantic pacing. "He shouldn't have done it. He shouldn't have gotten involved. It was my fight, my problem. It was on me. How could he? It changed everything. It made it all wrong. Charles won't ever be the same and it's my fault."

"Fred, this isn't helping. What did Charles do?" Cordy asked, making a face as if the word 'Charles' was foreign to her.

"Got in my way, robbed me of my rights. He keeps telling me I shouldn't feel this way, that it'll all be okay soon."

Cordy rubbed the bridge of her nose, flopping on the couch. "I'm beginning to think I wanted to forget this place."

  
The barb rolled off Fred and she went off on a tangent about other dimensions. Connor could tell her a thing or two about them. He grew up in the worst of them but it felt more like home than here. He thought her problems on Pylea came from her life here being too easy; not that he didn't have sympathy for Fred. He did. She was someone who could actually come close to understating his life.

Unfortunately Fred had it wrong. She equated Quar-toth with her time in Pylea. She didn't understand it was the other way around. Earth was his Pylea. Quar-toth had been tough but at least he knew his place. Here, he was lost and confused.

"If you only knew what Charles did, Cordy." Fred circled out on a widening track.

"You have to tell me, Fred, if you plan on me helping."

"Maybe I shouldn't. It's just…" Fred stopped abruptly when her flitting about brought her to the shadows where Connor was hiding. "Oh, Connor. We didn't hear you come in."

"Just got here," he lied. Looking into her huge brown eyes, he could see her disbelief. She didn't trust him any more than he did her. They knew he was spying on the hotel and that whole thing with him trying to take out Angel again when his father thought he was someone else hadn't helped matters. They'd say they had loved him but it seemed their love was the fragile, unforgiving sort.

"Why are you here?" Fred asked, her bony arms crossing defensively.

Connor hesitated. He knew he should expect her hostility. It shouldn't matter but it did. "I just wanted…I thought me and Cordy could…talk maybe." He looked between them uncomfortably. He didn't think he was making much of an impression. Words never came easy to him. Cordy, at least, got back on her feet, moving toward him.

"It's not really a good time," Fred said, her words like chips of ice.

"I was talking to Cordy," Connor said harshly, not looking at her.

"Don't talk to her like that," Lorne said, swishing down the stairs in a bright violet suit. 

"Wasn't talking to you either," Connor said, giving the demon a withering look. Why did anyone tolerate this creature?

"I've had just about as much as I'm going to talk of your mouth, young man," Lorne said. "I'm willing to take a lot from you, you being my nephew and all, but you've been rude one too many times."

"I'm not your nephew," Connor said, getting up in Lorne's face. "You're nothing to me."

  
Cordy, seeing Lorne's look of shock, caught Connor's arm tugging him away. "Connor, babe, don't pick a fight okay, I need to talk to Fred and then you and I can talk."

"Okay," he grated out, his eyes not leaving Lorne's ugly face.

"Do you want to wait here? I don't know how long Fred and I will be," Cordy stroked his cheek.

Connor shook his head violently. "No. I'll go home."

"I'll meet you there, promise."

Connor glared hostilely  at Lorne then left. He heard Lorne spouting off something in that annoying way of his, about Connor needing a lesson in etiquette, whatever the hell that was. Fred was agreeing with him, warning Cordy to be careful.  He wasn't able to say how much it hurt. He had liked Fred, Gunn too for that matter. He never did care for Lorne. Sure Gunn and Fred got  in his way and aggravated him but they had been kind and it had touched him; so much for Fred's thought on him being unable to care.

Father had told him people would fear him if they found out what he was, that he'd be alone. Holtz hadn't been wrong and it made him ache. But not as much as not being asked to help Cordy get her memory back. They left him out of it. Lorne had babbled on to him, as if he cared what a demon had to say, about Cordy's good news, how they had used people important to her to help return her memory. He hadn't been invited. He wasn't important in their eyes.

 When Lorne told him about it, trying to explain their weird behavior, Connor had fled. He didn't want to cry in front of them, especially a demon. He had sobbed himself to sleep that night, feeling ashamed of himself. Tears were a weakness. Holtz had hammered that into him but Connor couldn't help it. The implication he added nothing to Cordy's life devastated him.

Part of him compounded his misery by reminding him that he had failed Cordy – and Holtz for that matter – by failing to kill Angel. Again. He tried but he just wasn't strong enough. That rarely was a problem for him. He was the Destroyer. He should be able to kill a stupid single vampire. He killed others all the time. That left the inescapable conclusion that he deep down didn't want Angel dead. It made his failure to his father complete. He couldn't destroy the creature that forced Holtz to slaughter his own child. He was glad Holtz hadn't lived to see this. But in retrospect it might be better he didn't kill Angel when Cordy ask him to. She obviously cared for Angel and being the reason for his death would be something he didn't think Cordy could live with.

When he got home he worked off his anger by forcing his body through unending martial exercises until his body ran  with sweat. His muscles ached and trembled. He smelled of salt and perspiration when a knock came at his door. Cordelia walked in carrying her suitcase and brought light back to him with three simple words.

"Can I stay?"


	3. Innocence Lost

SINS OF THE FATHER  
  
'What Little Boys Are Made of' Series Part 1 Author - D M Evans Feedback ripewickedplum2@yahoo.com Disclaimer - There are some things I own in this world, these characters aren't among them. All characters belong to Mr. Whedon and a big thank you for letting me borrow them. The various lyrics and poetry will be marked as to whom they belong to. Rating - R Spoilers - Prologue is set before "Deep Down" and the rest of the action picks up after "Super symmetry" and "Rain of Fire" going AU thereafter. Summary - Pretty much the end of the world is nigh and Angel and his friends and family are being torn apart from within.  
  
CHAPTER THREE  
  
There was a softness in her eyes  
  
And on the air there was a hunger  
  
Even a boy could recognize  
  
She had a need to feel the thunder  
  
To chase the lightning from the sky  
  
To watch a storm with all its wonder  
  
Written in her lover's eyes  
  
She had to ride the heat of passion  
  
Like a comet burning bright  
  
Rushing headlong in the wind  
  
Now where only dreams have been  
  
Burning both ends of the night  
  
That Summer - Garth Brooks  
  
The sky had stopped weeping fire when Connor slipped painfully out of bed. His side hitched as his ribs grated on one another. Cordelia was finally asleep. The world hadn't ended, at least not yet. Connor expected it to soon enough. He was happy and content and he wasn't meant for that. Holtz had made that clear. A son of two demons had no business being joyful.  
  
Connor crept off silently and filled a large bowl with as much hot water as his home's feeble plumbing could come up with. He scrubbed away his sins until his skin was bright red. Holtz had deemed sex a sin. A pleasing one, a needed one, but a sin nonetheless. However, it wasn't as big a sin as masturbating. The skin of his shoulders tightened at the mere thought of it. The recollection of being stropped the one time Holtz had caught him had been beaten into the memory of his flesh. He remembered kneeling naked on the sharp stone of the cave that was their temporary home, forced to grab onto smooth columns of rock. Arms outstretched, his back defenseless, he tried to hold in whimpers of pain. Any signs of weakness and Holtz would hit him harder. His father had been right to do so. It was the only way he'd learn.  
  
Still the sins he committed tonight were ones he had no plans of repenting and had plans of committing again provided the world didn't die. He admittedly never felt clumsier in his life or as confused and embarrassed. He could only attribute his clumsiness in part to the pain of his broken ribs - scary in and of itself - the rest was due to his lack of knowledge. What he knew about sex could have danced on the head of a pin, whatever the hell that meant. He only knew it was something Holtz said when a chance of something happening or Connor's understanding of something had been small.  
  
He had no idea how good sex could feel or how blinding need could be. Or how something as warm and loving could be so scary at the same time. He thought Cordy was going to change her mind once he was undressed. Cordy seemed shocked about something she had never seen before, a foreskin. He didn't know what the problem was. He had seen Holtz naked once or twice and hadn't noticed too many differences. Granted he hadn't exactly been looking but as far as he knew he had all the right parts. Surely his father would have been quick to point out any demonic differences.  
  
But she hadn't run off nor did she desert him when her fondling had taken him over the edge too quickly. It was humiliating but somehow she made him feel better about it. The second attempt had been glorious. Afterwards, there was such a feeling of peace like he'd never known.  
  
Only his peace was marred. He mulled that as he went back to the bedroom. The sky had wept flames. He didn't deserve to find peace on such a night, not when the evil was connected to him by the very location of his birth. In a city this big that couldn't be coincidence. Fred could probably tell him just how improbable it was but he didn't need to be told. It was connected to him, the Destroyer. What if he had been destined to bring forth this horror? He had heard Fred and Gunn talking when they thought he couldn't hear them during those months his father was under the ocean. He had heard about the prophecies and how no one knew what his birth meant. Maybe now they did.  
  
Cordy murmured in her sleep, drawing Connor's attention back to her. He still couldn't believe he had wept like a girl in front of her when she told him what she planned on doing with him. He couldn't even say if they were tears of sorrow or gratitude. The tears gathering forces in his heart now were easier to identify. They had grief distilling in every drop. Now he had time to think about what he and Cordy had done. Someone had actually wanted him. Or had she?  
  
The moisture trickling down his face now burned with the things Cordy had said and didn't say. She said she knew how he felt about her but she never said she felt the same. She said she was doing it because it no longer mattered. She didn't say she loved him. She said she wanted him to have something real because he'd spent a life in hell. Now in the cold darkness, the smells of sulfur leaking in from outside, he saw her kindness for what it was: Pity.  
  
And he died inside. He didn't love her less and there was no doubt Cordelia cared deeply for him. But she didn't love him. She gave him the thing she thought would give him some joy in what could have been his last moments. The question reaming through his mind like a Quar-toth Boresnake was did she see his father's face while she gave him gentle encouragements and guidance? Was it Angel's shoulders she held while she reminded him he had superior strength that had to be reined in? Connor knew he wasn't as handsome or charismatic as the demon. He hadn't been in the world long but it had been enough to realize pale skinny boys didn't get the girl. He'd seen Angel turn heads at bars and on the streets. No one ever looked at him, besides Sunny and he suspected her interested had been more to do with keeping a predator happy than any real attraction to him. Gunn had called him creepy when he thought Connor had stormed off to his room after one of their many fights.  
  
It didn't matter what Gunn thought. Connor kept telling himself he was glad he was out of the hotel and that he didn't miss Gunn and Fred. But he did. He didn't miss Gunn's temper or having to hear them in bed all the time. At least now he knew what all the noise was about, even if it left him with the unwanted image of those two doing what Cordy had spent the night teaching him.  
  
He studied Cordy's face. Did she love him or his father? Both or neither? No matter the answer, it boiled down to whom had gotten betrayed tonight. Why did he think they all had? 


	4. Regroup

CHAPTER FOUR

It's storming broken glass, corpses left in piles  
Ungracious bludgeonment that breaks the earth for miles  
Nothing can stop it, the day has come,  
from below it's catastrophic  
  
Freezing, there's no healing families are dying  
  
This world is shattered... all shattered  
  
Life crushing turbulence, this wrath can't be denied  
Wishing you could help your friends,  
standing where they died  
Echoes haunting, a hollow planet,  
lacerations, dissected nation

_Shattered -_Pantera

Connor looked around the Hyperion's lobby. It was barely past dawn but since the world hadn't ended, he and Cordy had agreed they'd better check on the others. As a team they seemed intact but beaten. Angel's face was bruised and an angry wound marred his thick neck. Gunn was propped up on the couch with a dazed, pain-filled look etched into his face. Fred, arms wrapped protectively around her lover, seemed to have escaped harm. Even Lorne had sustained some damage but Connor really didn't care. He was a demon and beneath notice. Wesley was in relatively better shape than the rest.

Seeing how slowly both Connor and Cordy were moving, Angel turned to them, worry in his dark eyes. "Thank God you're alive. Are you two all right?"

"I'm sore," Cordy replied, her fingers trailing to her bruised neck. "And Connor has broken ribs."

Connor tried not to stiffen as his father came to him, gently touching his shoulder. The anxiety in the vampire's eyes trebled. For his part, Connor had been horrified to find he had left Cordelia aching. She assured him that it was all right, a small price to pay. He knew how strong he was but reining it in when his mind was totally consumed with lust had been too much for him.

"Are you…" Angel started to say, a strange expression on his battered face.

"Fine," Connor jerked out of his grasp. His father would be able to smell Cordelia on him despite the bath. Part of him actually cared that it would hurt Angel. He was so weak. His father…Holtz would have been so ashamed of him.

"If something actually hurt you, Connor, I'm just gonna assume it was the ugly sucker we ran into," Gunn said, talking seeming to drain him further.

"If it looked like Darkness' stunt double, that's the one," Cordy said, collapsing on the couch.

"What?" Wesley's perplexed look mirrored the others.

"Darkness from the movie _Legend_?" Seeing no comprehension, Cordy rolled her eyes. "It's a Tom Cruise movie."

"We saw the thing with hooves and horns," Connor broke in. "It's all my fault."

Cordy flinched, hearing his pain. She got back up and went to him. "Baby, we've talked about this. It has nothing to do with you." She brushed his bangs back.

Connor saw the hurt look in his father's eyes and the curiosity playing across Fred's wan face but he didn't care. It was unimportant in the grand scheme of things.  "It does."

"What did you do this time?" Gunn snarled, and Connor's shoulders hunched in.

"He didn't do anything," Cordy said, looping a protective arm around Connor.

Connor pulled away from her. "It's connected to me. That thing came through in the alley I was born in."

"What?" Angel drew the word out in shock.

"I was trying to get a handle on a vision…maybe more a remembrance of my time on the higher plane. Connor went with me. I didn't want to talk to you until I knew something more than a big brewin' evil was headed our way," Cordy said. "We saw it enter this world in the alley Darla died in."

"Do you know why?" Connor turned to Wesley. "Do your books say?"

"I haven't…" Wesley looked into the young man's hard eyes. "There has been so much wrong and misinterpreted in the prophecies concerning you, Connor, that I wouldn't want to guess. But I'm thinking no one saw this coming."

"It's here because of me." Connor turned away from Wesley and sagged to the floor. His body quivered with rage and fear. Everyone froze, not expecting this.

"It's not your fault," Wesley said. "But it cannot be a coincidence."

"Wesley," Angel hissed but the ex-Watcher refused to look apologetic.

"I was never meant to be." Connor didn't even care there were tears streaking down his face, dripping to the floor. Cordy took a step toward him but froze at the look in his eyes.

"No, quite the opposite, I would say. Your mother did everything she could to abort you," Wesley said.

"Wesley!" This time Angel made the name a curse.

"Now is not the time to keep things hidden, Angel. You were meant to be, Connor. Your birth was protected so much so that your mother was willing to give her life for yours. A demon who probably never had a selfless thought in her life was so moved by the beauty of your life force's brilliance that she threw away immortality," Wesley said softly and Connor sobbed loudly, putting a trembling hand over his mouth.

"She said Connor was the only good thing she and I had ever done together," Angel whispered. "She wasn't wrong."

A harsh laugh tore out of Connor. "Was wrong. I've brought the evil with me."

"It doesn't matter, Connor. Unless you were out there summoning it up this isn't on you and I don't believe you called this thing," Wesley said. "No one had a clue this was coming. There is an apocalypse planned but this isn't it. Trust me, I'm in the position to know."

"I wasn't strong enough to fight it. I should have been able to," Connor said, dragging an angry hand over his wet face. "I nearly got us killed. It broke me. Nothing has ever done that before."

"We didn't do any better," Angel said, starting to pace like he usually did when angry or nervous. "Our weapons had no effect. We're only alive because it chose not to kill us."

"This had to be what Wolfram and Hart pulled out of Lorne's head," Cordelia said, glancing over at the demon apologetically.

"Glad it's gone," Lorne muttered, sipping at the glass of milk he had in hand.

"Since it's killing anyone trying to analyse it, you getting your head drilled was a good thing," Angel said, his pacing looping him past the seer.

"Do we have any idea what that thing is and how to handle it?" Fred asked, tightening her arms around Gunn.

"No," Angel said with a whole world of horror sunk into that one simple word.

"Given what's happening to the psychics trying to puzzle out what Lorne saw, Cordelia's own overwhelming sense of dread in regards to this, the manner of its entry into this plane, the signs of impending doom swamping L.A. and the fact it tore through us easier than we care to admit, I'm thinking we're going to need to tap all sorts of courses for help on this whether we want to or not," Wesley said, falling back into his Watcher-bred knack for exposition.

"You should call her, Angel," Cordy said, fear in her dark eyes.

There was no need to explain. "Contacting Buffy is the first thing on my list." The vampire sagged a little then his face hardened. "Wesley, I know you aren't exactly on good terms with the Watcher's Council anymore…"

"I'll call them immediately."

"Until we know what is going on and we have a handle on how to handle this, I think we should all stay here at the hotel," Angel said, sweeping his arm out wide to indicate them all.

"No." Connor's blue eyes went to slits.

"Connor, don't argue. We all need to work together," Angel said gently, trying his best not to seem threatening. His son was squirrelly enough normally and now he looked already to come out of his skin.

"Safety in numbers," Fred put in.

"Better target," Connor argued. "Gets us all at once."

"That's true but just for now we have to risk it," Angel said, taking a few cautious steps closer to his son.

Backing away, Connor glanced over at Cordy and she nodded. He tensed but said, "Okay. For now."

"Lorne, you have vast contacts in the demon worlds, draw on that. On the rooftop that demon was performing a summoning. I can almost guarantee he won't be the only evil we'll be facing," Wesley said.

"I've had happier thoughts but consider it done," Lorne said, his usual effervescence gone.

"Gunn, Connor, do you two feel up to making sure all the weapons are in working order and stockpiling more if need be?" Angel asked.

"I'm fine," Connor said.

"I'll reach out to my old crew. They ain't happy with me but with the city on fire they might see throwing in with us is a good thing," Gunn said.

"Good. Fred, you can help Wes with the research. Cordy, come with me. Giles and Buffy will want to hear your vision." Angel waved her on.

Cordy followed him into his office while the others disperse to start their duties. Angel sat and picked up the phone. His finger hovered over the buttons.

"And Cordelia, when we beat this thing and save the world again we'll talk about what you did to my son."

Angel's dark eyes met hers. Cordy paled and said nothing while he placed his call.

*                                                          *                                                                      *

Angel fought to keep from gulping down the blood in his mug. He needed it. He had to heal but he also didn't want to use up all his supply at once. Whatever was happening wasn't confined to L.A. and blood, while not scarce since he expected it to flow in rivers, might be a luxury he wouldn't have time to sample in the near future. He wanted to rest. The others all sleeping were except Wesley and perhaps Connor. He hadn't seen his son since he and Gunn had called it a day, the weapons as ready as they'd get. Connor hadn't reclaimed his old room. Angel suspected he was hiding in the hotel. He honestly believed Connor felt safer that way. He could image his child and Holtz moving their sleeping areas every few days on Quar-toth so nothing could find them. Heaven knew he, Darla, Spike and Dru had done so from time to time back in the day. All too often they overheated the pot and had to run before the mob got them.

"Are you all right, Angel?" Wesley asked, scribbling in a journal of some sort.

Angel snorted. "Nothing's too badly broken. The Hellmouth is opening again, so we won't be getting any help from Sunnydale." Angel paused, then added softly, "I wish I could be there to help her."

Wesley nodded. "If only it were just confined to California but it's not. There's killer fog in London, toxic river monsters in Cleveland and Pittsburgh was just overrun with carnivorous rabbits. Demons are flocking to L.A."

"You know this how?"

"Lorne…and Lilah. She called me." Wesley's dark eyes studied Angel very carefully, as if the ex-Watcher expected to have to run for his life.

Angel merely scrubbed a weary hand over his hair. "I expected she would.  I don't want to know what's between you two. It's none of my business and as much as I hate to admit it, if it's a link to the vast sources of Wolfram and Hart then I'm willing to use it."

Wesley's lips curled, taking a step back as Angel started pacing again. "Use me…not surprised really and I think it's possible, using Wolfram and Hart. Like I said, this isn't their apocalypse and they're very upset by all of it."

"Did you know Giles is no longer in Sunnydale? That's he's more or less retired?" Angel sighed, his agitation showing plainly in his face. "I didn't realize how out of touch I was with…things that used to be so damned important. And now he's missing, maybe dead and I know we all need his knowledge at this point."

"I'll be the first to agree. He's been at this longer than me, knows more rocks to turn over. And he has the Slayer at his side but so could we," Wesley said.

"I just told you that Buffy…oh, Faith." Angel looked at him, suddenly alert. "Do you think it's possible to get her out? That she'd even help us?"

"From all you've told me from your visits that she wants to make amends. This would go a long way to doing that. I could speak to Lilah and see if there's a legal way to spring her early. If not, I think we can manage a jail break."

"Are you willing to work with her after what she did to you?" Angel asked cautiously.

Wesley's eyes hooded. "Is it any worse than what this crew has already done to me? Or what I did to you? My pride has no place here. I can't put it before saving the world and that's what we're trying to do. There's no doubt these disturbances are world-wide."

Angel came to roost, resting his weight against the bookcase. "I wish there was a way to keep Connor from trying to shoulder all that. No matter what we say, he's going to feel like he's to blame."

"There's nothing you can do about that, Angel. Just try to help him channel those feelings into something positive, like the desire to destroy this thing."

Angel wagged his head. "He's already there, too much so. He's going to get himself killed."

"Don't worry. I can handle myself."

Both older men twisted to see Connor standing in the doorway. The boy looked ready to topple over.

"Connor, you should be getting some rest," Angel said.

"Can't sleep. Too much to do."

"We've done all we can. We're useless if we're too tired to fight." Angel went to him, shocked when Connor let him get close.

Connor's eyes fixed on his father, far too much age and pain in their deep blue depths. "Does it matter? 'And I beheld that when he opened the sixth seal...there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind. And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places'."

Angel merely stared at his son. That was probably the most he had ever heard Connor say. Trust Holtz to have burned the Bible into the boy's brain. After all, Holtz was a man of the eighteenth century and as a product of that time would have known all about the things to fear in Revelations. "I'm not going to lie, this certainly has that apocalyptic feel to it but I've been through things that were supposed to end the world." He paused, guilt flooding into his broad face. "I even tried to cause it once…and evil has always been stopped."

"And that prophecy does suggest evil will lose…eventually, leaving us with a man to rule the world with an iron rod." Wesley scowled. "Or maybe that means evil wins. Either way, it doesn't matter, we fight it until we win or we die. That's what we do."

Connor's lips skinned back in a rather maniacal smile. "Easier that way."

"I just wish…" Angel trailed off. "I'm so afraid of losing any of you that it's making it hard to think. Times like these I wish I were still Angelus. He wouldn't care about the cost of the battle."

"And he's more likely to throw in with whatever that was the came into the world last night," Wesley said and Angel nodded.

"I like how you talk about him as if Angelus was a different person than you," Connor said, his blue eyes flat and ugly.

Angel touched his son's shoulder and this time Connor did flinch away. "He is. One day you'll understand that. Wesley, grab some rest. You, too, Connor. I'm going to try to do the same."

Angel headed for the stairs. He wanted to see where Connor went, just to know where his son was but the boy didn't leave the ground floor. He was obviously determined to remain secretive. Angel was too exhausted to fight over it. He just headed for his room, wondering if it would just be better if he did give in to his demon, to cut himself off from the worry and just let go of his strength, for better or for worse.

Author's Note: Connor quoted the Book of Revelations 6:12-14


	5. Tangled Hearts

A.N. – This was written before AtS 4.8 I considered rewriting this to be more like what happened but decided that this is AR to begin with and I just couldn't deal with how cold Cordy was to Connor. This chapter deals with the same theme but a little less heartless.

CHAPTER FIVE

_Tangle a girl in the thorn of your heart_

_And need for her will not depart_

_Between Us _– Tempest 

Connor perched on the table in the Hyperion's vast kitchen. He couldn't help himself. He was starving. Shoving in the last of the bologna he was eating directly from the packaging – wondering why it had a red chewy skin that it never did when Fred used to make it for him – Connor paused in his chewing. A sound distracted him from the bad processed meat. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Cordy standing in the doorway.

"I just wanted a little warm milk. It's supposed to make you sleep," she said softly. She wore a figurative shroud around her, an almost visible desire to remain hidden from view.

Connor wrinkled his nose. "Fred used to tell me that. It tastes bad."

Cordy shrugged, resignation settling over her. "Worth a try."

Connor noticed. He could practically feel her unease, like a bad taste in his mouth. Somehow he knew it was directed at him. "Are you okay?"

She smoothed her sleep-rumpled hair, not meeting his eyes. "As good as I could hope for."

"I don't like staying here." Connor hopped off the table and went to take her in his arms. She remained stiff against him. He tried to ignore it or at least understand why she was being cold. "We should go back to my home."

"Connor, you should stay here." She ran a hand over his face, feeling the stubble of his beard. "I am."

"If I'm the reason it's here, I should go." His blue eyes went watery. "Alone."

Cordy did pull him closer at that, her face indescribably sad. She pressed her lips to his cheek. "Stay, Connor, until we know more. If it is after you, we'll never be able to help if we can't find you. And we'll fight this thing no matter what, whether you're with us or not." She let him go and went to pour herself the milk.

As Connor contemplated that, Cordy microwaved her milk. Her nose wrinkled as she tried to drink it.

"He knows you know," Connor said finally. Something told him that Cordy's initiating him into the ways of love was part of the problem, the reason for her distance now and it hurt.

Cordelia's color rivaled that of her glass of milk. "I know."

Connor's eyes widened slightly as he went to her side, fearing he'd find bruises or worse. She took a step back."Did he…hurt you?"

"He wouldn't do that. He didn't say anything, just that when this was all over, we'd talk." A slight ripple in the milk betrayed her trembling hand. Cordelia had been frightened. She had never known Angel to hurt his friends but she knew he was angry by the way he said 'what you did _to_ my son' and not 'with.' He had objectified Connor and she suspected he felt she had done the same.

Connor couldn't remember such pain ever visiting him and taking up residence deep inside. She regretted what they had done. He could see it in her eyes. Did she still love his father? Why had she done this to him? "You…you're sorry aren't you?"

Cordy saw the tremor of emotion rippling through his too-thin frame. She knew well there was nothing to his body but small, lean muscles, not an ounce of waste anywhere, nothing resembling padding. Holding him had been like holding kindling wood wrapped in rawhide; only it hadn't felt as bad as it sounded. There were wells of hidden potential in his small form. "I didn't say that, Connor."

"You didn't have to. You still love him." Connor scowled. "So why did you do it?"

Cordy took another step backward, seeing the hardness in his blue eyes, like chips of thick ice. This was not a man she wanted as an enemy. She had already known that. Cordelia remembered the hatred in Connor's voice when he called Lorne a filthy demon, how the boy had tried to provoke him. She remembered the insanity in his eyes, the crazed grin as he tried to cut her throat without a second thought when she confessed her demon aspects. She thought she had purged the evil of Quor-toth from him. He seemed to have forgotten she was a demon or he'd never have been with her in the first place but maybe what she had done to him was beginning to wear off. What would it meant for them all if his murderous rage returned? She struggled to find her voice.

"I told you why before we…and I don't still love him, Connor, not in that way. I wouldn't have done that to you or him if I did. The Powers That Be made me live through his time as Angelus and I couldn't deal with it. I don't doubt they did it for a reason. Maybe it was their way of saying Angel and I were horribly wrong together." She paused, burying her face in her hands, swallowing hard. She dropped her hands, staring into Connor's intent face. "Maybe he was too close to losing his soul over me. He couldn't concentrate on what needed doing, thinking about me, worrying. Sometimes love can't be all there is to it, no matter how much it hurts to give it up."

"And now he has me to worry about," Connor said. "I should leave here."

"We just went over this, Connor." She caught him, seizing his slim shoulders. "You can't go. We need you here."

"It's just…no one wants me here." Tears boiled up in his eyes. Cordy cried for him. How alone must he feel? "Fred and Gunn don't trust me. Wesley doesn't know me and Angel…"

"Is your father and he loves you no matter what." She hugged him tightly."We're all uncomfortable and scared and if you go it'll be worse. Please stay."

"For now," he grumbled, resting his cheek against her.

Cordy held him for a moment then let him go. She knew she was only confusing him, sending mixed messages and that it was wrong of her to do it. She just couldn't help herself. "And I think for now we need time apart. This is not the time for…relationships."

"Yes, I know." He sounded calm but the look in his eyes, betrayal and pain so deep there was no end to it, frightened her. "I make you uncomfortable, too."

Cordy buried her hands in his hair and pulled him close again. She kissed him gently. "Please don't think that. It's just…complicated. I thought last night was our last ever."

He gulped, struggling for control when all he wanted to do was bleed out. "Is that the only reason you-"

"No!" she interrupted him. "Connor, baby, I wish I could make you understand. It's just we don't have time for this right now. It's going to be all we can do to survive. When it's over we'll deal with this. We'll talk about us later."

"You say a lot…and nothing at all," he said, the bologna he ate weighed like lead in his belly. This time he was the one to pull away.

"Connor, please."

"Talk later, remember? Here's your space."

  
He tried to brush past her but she caught his arm. "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere to think up other words for pity," he snarled. "That'll help explain last night."

He yanked free and retreated to his newly selected room. He tried not to think about her. It hurt too much. No one had warned him about this. Oh, Father had told him often about the seductiveness of women and how love could cut but it hadn't sunk in. He needed more of a warning or maybe just experience. Well, he had that now.

Connor looked at his bed, hating it. He had never quite gotten used to sleeping open and exposed. Now with that thing lurking outside and memories of Cordelia stalking his mind, he didn't want to sleep on the bed. He liked the soft comfort it provided but the exposure worried him. Connor gathered up the bedding and took it into the closet. He stretched out painfully, his ribs twinging, and tried to find sleep inside of his makeshift cave.  
  



	6. Fathers and Sons

CHAPTER SIX

Love bites, love bleeds  
It's bringin' me to my knees  
Love lives, love dies  
It's no surprise  
Love begs, love pleads  
It's what I need

**Love Bites – Def Leppard**

"It has to hurt," Cordy said, dabbing ointment on the bite marks gnawed into Connor's back. He was so thin, she could nearly count his vertebrae. She knew the boy could eat like a horse but she'd swear he survived on air alone. Fred was likewise tending to Angel for a bite on the back of his neck.

"I've had worse," Connor said, still glacial cool towards her.

Cordelia flinched, knowing that she had caused this rift between them. It had been a week since Darkness' twin had arrived and they had yet to see it again. Wesley hadn't been wrong. The demon had summoned untold numbers of demons and other nasties to L.A. A type of vampire whose heads could detach and fly had crossed their paths tonight. The look in Angel's eyes when Connor had gone down under six flying heads had terrified Cordy. All could feel the pain reflecting in their dark depths at seeing his son suffer. Luckily the creatures weren't impervious to fire.

"Wesley, what is this stuff?" Cordelia asked, seeing Connor grit his teeth.

"Alcohol, holy water, some herbs," Wesley replied, looking up from where he was tending to Gunn's arm. "Like most vampires those things transmit vampirism through their bite. This will prevent it from taking hold on Connor."

"I don't want to be a vampire," Connor growled, his blue eyes wild. He half rose from his seat and Cordy forced him back down.

"And you won't, not with this treatment," Wesley assured him.

"We need help," Gunn said, flexing his arm after Wesley taped off the dressing. "It's getting too close out there. We're not enough."

"I've been in contact with the Watchers' Council about that very thing. I might have a solution," Wesley said, packing away their dwindling medical supplies. They'd need to restock soon.

"Care to share?" Cordelia asked, hopeful for the first time in a week.

"Not yet, not until I'm certain," Wesley said, feeling guilty he hadn't kept it to himself. It was unfair to raise their hopes falsely. "Connor, you should get some rest."

The boy just nodded and got up shakily. Angel followed him back to his chosen room. His son ignored him but that didn't deter Angel, not this time. His son was too withdrawn. He could see the burden behind the boy's wide eyes.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Angel asked, looking around Connor's room. He saw subtle signs his son had taken over the place.  A chair near the door which Angel had no doubt went under the knob at night, a knife on the bed stand and a pile of bedding just visible in the closet which had to feel like a safe cave to the boy. "You haven't eaten all day."

"I'm fine," Connor grumbled, fatigue tremors betraying him.

"No, you're not. You're exhausted and hungry and you're full of bite marks." Seeing the irritation in Connor's eyes, Angel changed to a less officious tone. "At least let me get you something to eat."

Connor gingerly laid on his bed. "Do we have any bologna?"

"I don't know." Angel grimaced. Outside of his blood bags he had no clue what was in the refrigerator. "I'll see what we have."

"No tomatoes," Connor said, punching up the pillow into a more compact area.

"You don't like them?" Angel felt his grimace deepening. He didn't know what his son did and didn't like. The boy might as well be a stranger.

"No."

"You like pizza." He remembered watching the boy power through the ones they had gotten the day before last. "That has tomatoes in the sauce."

"Not the same," Connor argued, using the toe of one foot to try and pry off his boots.

Angel smiled gently. "I'll trust you on that." He turned to go. This might be the worst time to try and mend bridges between him and Connor but there might never be a tomorrow for it. At least he had made an effort.

"Dad."

Angel froze. There was something in how Connor said that word that tore at him. Usually Connor made it sound like a four letter word. Now it sounded like a plea. He turned back and looked at his child, his voice suddenly evaporated as the shock that Connor might actually want something from him hit.

 Not for the first time he wondered where this boy got his looks. Angel had forgotten what he himself looked like until that reminder on Pylea. Connor's hair color was about the only thing he seemed to have inherited from him. Connor resembled some fey creature, delicately boned, nearly feminine. The long wisps of hair did nothing to help that image. The same went for those full lips that never seemed to close. Darla had pouty lips like that. On her they looked inviting, but they made the boy looked constantly bewildered. The thinness of him could be contributed to poor nutrition in Quor-toth but something told Angel this was all the bigger his son was going to get. He might as well be one of the sidhe. Angel finally found his voice again. "Yes?"

Connor rolled onto his side, facing Angel. "What did I do wrong?"

Angel didn't have to ask what Connor meant. It wasn't about how he had gotten bitten tonight nor losing to the horrific demon. This was a young man facing his first break up. No, that wasn't even the right word for it. That would indicate it had been more than a one night stand. Angel had been there himself but he had been such a womanizer at Connor's age he never let it bother him for long. But Connor felt things so much more intensely than he had.

Angel sat on the bed hesitantly. Connor had always been squirrelly in regards to any closeness between them. Angel didn't blame him. It was Holtz' fault. The fact Connor was even looking to him for comfort stunned Angel and heartened him. He happily noted that Connor didn't roll away from him. "You didn't do anything wrong, Connor."

"But…"

 "Just listen to me." Angel touched Connor's arm.  The boy's eyes flicked down to Angel's hand but he didn't pull away. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"But she doesn't even want to talk to me." Connor swallowed hard, his eyes misting. "I know that this isn't a good time but…"

"She's acting like you barely exist," Angel finished for him.

Connor rubbed his eyes. "Yeah."

Angel ran his hand up and down Connor's arm. This time the boy shuddered. "Sometimes it just happens that way, Connor. Things don't work out. I wish I could say this will be the only time it happens but it won't…unless we lose the battle. And it hurts like hell every time."

"I don't want this pain." Connor couldn't stop the tears that trickled down his face.

"It's part of the price you pay for love, Connor." That sounded so ineffectual. Hadn't he said something similar to Buffy once? No one had believed it then either.

  
Connor curled up tighter, burying his face in the pillow. "Did she do it to hurt you?"

Angel wished he had a good answer for that so he went with what he wanted to believe was true. "No. Cordy wouldn't do that. She…cares about you but this just got too complicated."

"Everything you touch goes bad." Connor lifted his head, eyes flashing blue fire.

Angel let it go. He understood that Connor's pain had to go somewhere. He felt like doing the same himself, blaming everyone for the betrayal he felt about what Cordy had done but he had to be the adult. Part of him wanted to blame Connor as well but he knew that part had to be held in check. "I'll go get you something to eat."

"Not hungry," Connor grumbled.

"Maybe not now but you will be."

Angel went downstairs. He hoped to get to the kitchen without anyone stopping him, wanting more from him. Cordy was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. He tried brushing past her but she wouldn't let him.

"We really need to talk," Cordelia said, her arms crossed over her chest like armor.

Anyone with intelligence would have know better to push him at this point but Cordelia had always been blind to anything that wasn't directly revolving around her. Other people's emotions usually didn't qualify. "No, we don't."

"Angel…" She put a hand on his arm.

Angel shrugged away from her. "Cordelia, just leave it. We're all too tired for this. Right now my son doesn't know if you love him, hate him or just planned to use him and, to be honest, I'm mostly feeling the same way so let's not do this when we're sure to say things we can't take back. In the mean time, you think about what you did and what you're going to do. As far as I'm concerned you and I are friends, nothing more by your choice. You can't live with Angelus and I don't blame you. Truly I don't. But you also have my son's heart in your hands and he's bleeding. You decide what you're going to do about it." Angel dragged a weary hand over his hair.

"Don't I get any say in this?" Cordy's dark eyes hardened.

"Not tonight." Angel growled. "I'm not the one who needs you. Connor does."

Cordelia dropped her armor, the metal leaving her voice. "I'm not trying to hurt him."

"I know that. But you have and he's starting to blame me for it. The last thing we need right now is for me and Connor to be fighting. How much do you think it'll take to remind him that his primary mission in life is to kill me?" Angel paused. He hadn't even thought about it until he said the words. He knew it was true and it left him cold. "If he thinks I'm standing between you two, he might just decide to remove the obstacle. So you need to think about what you're doing, Cordy, and of what could happen."

Angel turned his back on her, going into the industrial kitchen almost amazed at what he was willing to sacrifice for a son who hated him and was likely to continue to do so. Cordelia might just start hating him too but he trusted her to find it in herself to be mature about the situation. She had made it clear she saw no future for herself at his side. He didn't think she saw one with Connor either and only hoped she could make the boy to see that he wasn't trying to keep them separate. He could easily imagine Connor attacking him even though his son had turned to him for help tonight. In a matter of minutes he had gone from asking for help to accusing him.

Angel's hope for a quick and easy raid on the fridge was dashed seeing Wesley standing there with the door open. "I thought you were going to get some rest, Wes."

"My stomach remembered it was empty," Wesley said, dragging the jelly and bread out of the fridge.

"Is there any bologna left? Connor should eat something."

Wesley nodded. "In the meat drawer."

Angel found it then turned to Wesley as he hunted down a plate. "What is this help you were referring to? You're not going to get my hopes up, so you might as well tell me."

"We need more fire power. I was thinking on a Slayer-level," Wesley said, passing Angel some bread for the bologna.

"But Buffy is facing…oh, Faith." Angel's eyes narrowed. "You think you can get her out of jail."

"The Council is trying to do it legally. If not, they suggested I stage a prison break." Wesley slathered peanut butter and jelly on the bread.

Angel nodded his head. "Good suggestion."

"If this demon keeps up his path of destruction, he might take out the jail for us. I'll know tomorrow if legal means will work or if I should have Fred hack into the prison's files for blueprints and find where Faith's housed," Wesley said. "That's why I wanted to wait before I told everyone."

"Understandable. I think Faith will help. She wants to redeem herself and going out in a huge battle…that just seems like her style," Angel said softly.

"Here's hoping with her help, none of us will go out in a huge battle." Wesley slapped his sandwich together. "And the Council thinks they might have a line on who this demon is and if we know that, hopefully it'll be a way to finding something to neutralize him."

"We can hope. I'd better get this up to Connor." Angel put half the remaining bologna between the bread slices, realizing he didn't know what else Connor might like, such as mustard or ketchup. "And Wes."

"Yes."

"I'm very glad you're back." Angel managed a weak smile.

Wesley returned it. "Thank you."

Angel went back upstairs. He listened for a moment but there were no signs that Cordelia was in Connor's room. The boy was half buried in his covers, sobbing quietly. Angel just set the plate on the bed stand and gently stroked Connor's hair. His son looked up at him with red, swollen eyes. "It's there if you feel hungry. And Connor, I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will get better."

Connor just put his head back down. Angel gave his shoulder a final pat and went to his own room, exhausted beyond reason.


	7. Reinforcements Arrive

Author's Note – There is an unstripped version of this chapter, with the complete erotica. If you'd like to read it and are of age contact me at crazycat_41397@Yahoo.com and I'll send it. Thanks.

CHAPTER SEVEN

I'm not a virgin anymore  
I've been taken  
I've been hung up  
I get down and start it over again  
I've been open  
And I've been closed like a book  
And burned down like a written sin  
I just thought you should know my darling  
Before we begin  
I'm not a virgin anymore

Not a Virgin – Poe 

****

Connor let the rain trickle down over his face. He didn't know showers like this were rarely seen in southern California nor did he care. The night was young and he had anger to burn. He knew he should have stayed in the hotel. Wesley had gotten their reinforcements. Whatever it was, it was arriving today but Connor hadn't waited to see.

He couldn't hang around the hotel even though he knew he should. But Cordy was there and right now he didn't want to see her. He knew Angel had to have prompted her to talk to him. It was something Angel would do. He could ruin anything. There weren't words for the pain that tore through him.

Connor looked up at the dark sky, knowing he should just go back home. Maybe they hadn't missed him yet. Maybe he wouldn't have to endure listening to them berate him non-stop for not being a team player. All he needed was to listen to Cordelia yell at him or even speak to him one moment more, because after their afternoon talk it was all he could do not to put her through a wall.

Connor hated being angry at Cordy but he couldn't help it. Earlier they had talked about their relationship while waiting for Wesley's reinforcements. The talk left Connor on his knees, too weak to stand. He had wept piteously much like the sky was doing now and Cordelia had been less than sympathetic. After the why-we'll-never-work-as-a-couple talk, Connor had fled the hotel. He knew there wasn't a prayer of them not noticing his absence as much as he wished there were. Even if he went home now, he was in trouble.

  
And he didn't want to go home. He wanted to kill something. The Beast that had broken his ribs, his father, something. An unfortunate something chose then to cross his path, a gang of vampires. Of course, he had gone into their territory to find trouble as he already knew of them from the times Gunn had dealt with them when trying to find Angel. He welcomed this battle with opened arms, flipping right into their midst.

"I care about you but!"  Connor snarled, slamming a stake into one of them. "I can't be with you or your father. It's just too hard. It's wrong." Another staking, this time leaving him choking on the dust as he parroted Cordelia's words to the vampires who were trying to encircle him. "I wanted to give you something special, like hell." Stake one then dodge under the arms of another. "Don't give me the happy puppy look." Miss with the stake, break its neck instead. "You deserve someone your own age." Stake, puff, spin to face another vampire. "Who's she to tell me what I want and deserve." Slam the wood home, feel the body dissolve around it, yes this is what he needed but there were still so many of them.

"Sure, surround and pick on the little guy."

  
Connor whirled, hearing that cocky female voice. He saw her in the shadow and rain. She should have been terrified. Everyone was in vamp face. It was obvious he was surrounded by demons but the dark-haired woman wasn't afraid. Before Connor could warn her off, she leapt into action. Two vampires were gone before they even knew what was happening. Connor whirled back after the vampires as well. Within moments he and the brunette were fighting back to back in a cloud of vampire dust. Then all was silent except for he and the woman panting softly from the exertion.

She shook herself like a wet dog, showering dust and rainwater everywhere. "That felt so good. You have no idea. It's been nearly three years since I've had a good fight." She ran her hands over her slim body. "And slaying still makes me hungry and horny. Spent those years waiting for a good meal and a better lay." Her nose wrinkled as she looked around. "Guess I'm not going to find anything to eat around here."  Her wonderful eyes, darker even than Cordy's, fastened on him. "But from the way you handled yourself in a fight I'm betting the other is a good possibility."

"What?" Connor swallowed hard. He knew what. He had been offered sex very quickly in the past from women expecting money for it. He had always refused. Father taught him better than that. But tonight he felt like being what he was; the bastard son of two demons. He was going to be as bad as they were. He didn't expect this warrior to ask for money. There was something different about her, just the way she moved and fought told him that much. There was something special about her. He could sense it.

"I think you know what." She ran a hand over his sweaty cheek.

She was so warm. He could smell her desire despite the night rain's attempt at washing everything away. Connor felt the lust washing through him, already heading south. "Where?" His voice went husky.

She took his hand and led him deeper into the alley. She jumped up and grabbed down the bottom edge of the fire escape. She scrambled up to the second landing then pulled him to her. No words were exchanged before her lips met his. The kiss was so hungry Connor thought she might swallow him whole.  She might not exactly be his age but he'd show Cordy just how well he could get along without her. The woman grinding against him wasn't beautiful but there was something alluring about her. 

She pressed him down onto the wet fire escape landing. Connor's hands moved over her, her shirt stuck to her firm body by the rain deluging down on them. It added a rawness to their coupling. With Cordelia, Connor had felt passion, love and joy. This was sheer animal lust. It felt dirty and wonderful all at the same time. 

When it was over, she swung off of him and pulled on her pants. "Thanks. I really needed that."

Connor didn't know what to say to that so he just pulled up his own pants, his eyes never leaving her.

  
She looked back at him and smiled. "How'd you learn to fight vampires like that?"

"Sort of born to it." He offered her a tentative smile.

She snorted. "Same here. Let's get out of the rain. Come on, I have a place not too far from here." She smiled, crossing over to him. She ran a hand over his arm. "You have potential."

Connor knew by now everyone was probably worried about him but he didn't care. Too bad. What did the offspring of demons care about the following the rules? He didn't want to stay in the hotel at the first place. "Sure. I'm Steven by the way." Connor didn't know why he said that. Maybe it was because he was tired of being Connor. He only took that name to disarm Angel but got stuck with it once Gunn and Fred decided they'd take over as parents for him. Maybe it was time he shed his skin and that dumb name with it.

"Faith," she said, bounding down the fire escape.

  
Connor didn't bother with the steps. He just vaulted over the side, landing like a cat.

Faith grinned at him. "Yeah, a whole lot of potential."

  
She motioned for him to follow her and loped off. Connor matched her pace easily, surprised when she didn't seem to tire much. Then again, the strength with which she had held him down told him she wasn't a normal human. Still, she didn't smell like a demon or look like one. And he didn't care. Tonight, he was going to be his father's son, no matter what the cost. Faith took him back to familiar ground. She paused at the front door to the Hyperion.

"Come on, I'm staying at the hotel," she said.

He glanced at the front door nervously. He couldn't believe this. He found himself hoping everyone was out. He knew Faith wanted more from him and he wanted to give it to her. Still, he knew this wasn't' exactly the right thing to be doing. "But I…"

"You haven't changed your mind, have you?" She looked at him oddly. "I know this sounds bad, slutty even, but tonight I just need someone. I don't need a lot of talk."

Connor realized he must be looking at Wesley's reinforcements. Either God had given her to him or he was laughing at him, as Gunn would say. Either way, Connor didn't care. "I'm the quiet type."

"Good."

  
Faith led him inside. No one was around. Connor figured they were probably all out looking for him. He knew he should tell Faith that, that they should go and look for Angel but he didn't. He just followed her upstairs and into her room.

*                                              *                                              *

"I'm cold and I'm wet," Lorne muttered as the group came back to the hotel.

"I'm worried about Connor," Cordelia said as Gunn, Wesley and Angel put away their weapons.

"We looked everywhere for him," Fred reminded her, wringing out her long hair.

"I can't believe he just took off," Angel muttered, pulling off his drenched duster.

"I can," Gunn shot back. "The whole time we were looking for you, Angel, he'd just go off on his own. He doesn't play well with others. I'm not worried about him. He does this all the time."

"Yes, but back then we didn't have the Beast out there slaughtering people," Angel countered, pulling a cleaning cloth out of the weapons' cabinet so he could dry off the sword before putting it away.

"Angel, Connor knows not to go up against it alone," Wesley said, drying off his lenses.

"Does he? He blames himself for it being here in the first place," Angel said, his eyes squeezing shut against the anguish that thought caused. No one had really disabused Connor of that notion. What if his son did go find the Beast thinking he had to be the one to slay it.

"And he knows it can hurt him. You know he doesn't really want to be here. He's probably out sulking." Gunn shrugged.

"I hope you're right," Angel said, shooting a hot look Cordy's way. She flinched.

"I just wish I hadn't told Faith to go out on patrol by herself," Wesley said. "We could have used her to help find Connor but she was so adamant about just getting prison out of her system."

"I shudder to think what that means," Cordelia said, shivering in her wet clothing. "I need to get dry."

"We all do. We should just turn in. Faith will come back when she's ready and so will Connor I guess," Angel said, hating the idea that his son might be out there doing something stupid that could get him killed.

As the others dispersed, he caught Cordelia before she went upstairs. "He left after you spoke to him, didn't he?" Angel asked.

Cordelia couldn't quite meet his eyes. Guilt should have been on her face but Angel knew she didn't seem to have much acquaintance with that emotion. "I'm sorry, Angel. I did what you asked. I told him how I felt."

"And that wasn't what he wanted to hear."

"No. I didn't mean for this to happen." She glanced up at Angel. "I'm sure Gunn's right. Connor is probably just off somewhere cooling down. He's not stupid, Angel. He wouldn't go after that demon alone."

Angel let her arm go. "I know. Go on, get into something warm before you get sick."

Angel watched her go then headed upstairs. He decided to check and see if Faith had come back already. He heard something coming from her room. There was no mistaking the sounds he heard but the scent leaking around the badly fitted old door shocked him. This couldn't be right. Angel knew he should just keep on walking, go to his room, get some sleep and pretend his senses weren't telling him anything but he didn't. He rapped on the door. "Faith?"

He heard them shuffling about and someone came to the door. Faith opened it a crack, just enough to peer around it. He could see a little of her dark bare flesh and could smell his son all over her.

"Um, Angel, is there something you need? I'm sort of busy," Faith said, her voice thick and low.

"Yes, I know, with my teen-aged son," he said and instantly wished he hadn't. He should have just stayed out of this but this was his child and he had to look out for him.

Faith dropped back, letting the door open. She didn't seem the least bit shy about him seeing her naked. Connor, while not shy, looked fairly afraid to see his father looming in the doorway. "What?"

"We've all been out looking for Connor. Looks like you found him," Angel said, trying to sound less angry.

Faith whirled back around, facing Connor, her dark eyes hardening. "You told me your name was Steven." 

"It is," Connor said, glaring at his father, shifting on the bed as if unsure if he should stay there or get up and get dressed.

"It was," Angel countered. "Or have you decided to make another change?"

"If I had any idea, Angel I'd never…" Faith said, casting an angry look Connor's way.

He rolled out of bed, face red with rage. "Why is it every time you show up, Dad, I'm suddenly not good enough to be with?" he snarled.

"Just get your clothes and get to your room, Connor," Angel said wearily.

"Connor just keeps getting used. And you wonder why I want to be Steven again?" Connor snatched his pants up off the floor and struggled into them.

"Look, kid, I'm sorry. It was just supposed to be fun, you know." Faith seemed uncharacteristically embarrassed.

"I know. It was until he showed up." Connor shot his father a withering look. 

Faith blushed a little at that. "Yeah, well, maybe you ought to just listen to your father."

"Why start now?" Connor asked, brushing past Angel as he left the room.

  
Faith grimaced. "Sorry, Angel."

He held up a hand. "I'll deal with him. Don't worry about it."

  
Angel shut the door and ran after his son. "Connor, wait up." The boy didn't listen so Angel dragged him to a stop. Connor shrugged free. "What do you think you were doing, Connor?"

Connor refused to look at him. "Having a little fun."

"That isn't right," Angel said softly, flashing back to this exact fight with his own father over two centuries before.

Connor's full lips twisted. "Why not? We fought together, took out a whole gang of vampires. She's the one who wanted to so why not? It's not like Cordy wants me any more. And now Faith doesn't either thanks to you. Anything else you want to ruin for me?"

Angel let his son's anger just wash over him. "Connor, jumping from one woman's bed to another's is wrong. You can't do something like that."

"Why?" Connor thumped Angel's chest. "Isn't that what you did when you were my age?"

  
The venom in Connor's voice numbed Angel. He felt his anger go from simmer to boil and he tried to battle it back. "If you want to be like me, Connor, I can go out and buy you some beer. You can get drunk, screw around and end up dead in an alley just like I did. Is that what you want?"

"Why not? Fitting isn't it since I was born in one," Connor shot back, shoving Angel.

Angel just let him do it. "Connor, letting yourself get used isn't going to make you feel any better about what happened between you and Cordy."

Connor cocked his hand back as if to punch his father. His lips trembled as his eyes misted. He let his hand fall as the tears came. Angel pulled his son against his chest.

"I know you're hurting, son. And I don't know how to make it better. But you're just making it worse. You scared everyone by running off like that and Faith…well, I'm not going to tell anyone about tonight, all right?" Angel rubbed Connor's back.

  
The boy broke away from him, wiping his face. He just nodded and started for his room. Angel just watched him until he was sure Connor was indeed going back there then he headed for his own room. He felt bad about embarrassing Connor and Faith like that but he knew he had to end that relationship quickly. He didn't blame either of them really. Faith was just Faith. He knew what it was like to be a highly sexual creature locked up without a way of getting release. He suspected that was part of the reason Wesley had let her go as well. He just didn't want his son to turn out like him, bedding every woman he could find just for the pleasure of it. He knew deep down Connor wasn't like that, that tonight was all about pain and betrayal. He could keep it a secret and come morning, he'd talk to Faith and ask her to do the same.


	8. The Morning After

CHAPTER EIGHT

You sucked me in 

_And played my mind_

_Just like a toy_

_You would crank and wind_

_Baby I would give till you_

_Wore it out_

_You left me lyin' in a pool of doubt_

Life Goes On – LeAnn Rimes 

****

Connor had slept late the day after meeting Faith, shocked that no one had awoken him for a planning session or something. Going downstairs, he saw Fred and Wesley almost touching noses over a huge book in his office. Gunn was nowhere to be seen but Connor could just imagine the sniping if Gunn could see Fred now. And they said he was the child. He figured Angel was still asleep. Faith and Cordy were nowhere to be seen and he was thankful. He wanted nothing between him and the kitchen. His belly was threatening to eat itself.

Connor hurried in, hoping to find something to eat. Buying supplies wasn't high on the list just now. Faith was there, crouched down examining the lower refrigerator shelf. She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled.

"Good morning…afternoon…whatever." She shrugged.

He smiled back, opening a cupboard. He grabbed down a box of moon pies and started munching.

"That's not breakfast." Faith straightened up, gesturing at the stove. "Can you use this thing?"

Connor frowned. "I can cook meat on a spit over a fire…I'm not sure how this thing even turns on."

"Some help you are." Faith grinned at him.

"Like you're doing any better," he said, polishing off one moon pie and starting another.

"Good point." Faith made a face. "I think I can scramble eggs." 

"Okay." He paused in devouring the snack cake and asked, "Can I help?"

"Find a pan and a wood spoon," Faith said, turning back to the refrigerator. 

  
Connor scrounged up the utensils. Faith put the eggs and some cheese on the counter.

"I think the cheese will help and maybe some pepper," Faith murmured, her mind back on the days of her childhood desperately trying to impress her alcoholic mother by making breakfast. "Get me down a bowl to scramble these in."

Connor obeyed. Faith's fingers brushed his as she took the bowl. He looked down at her hand then up into her eyes. She smiled uneasily then both of them looked toward the kitchen door hearing someone pass. It was just Gunn heading somewhere.

"Connor, I'm sorry about last night," Faith said softly.

Connor stiffened. Why did women have this reaction? Sleep with him then get all sorry. What was wrong with him? "Why?" he grated out.

"Because I got you in dutch with Angel."

The tension ran out of his slender body. "Oh."

"I'm not sorry about what we did, if that's what you thought," Faith added quickly, reading his body language.

"I kinda did," he admitted, his face red. "Don't really care what Angel thinks."

"Been there with my mom." Faith touched his shoulder. "That can be a bad place to be." He looked away from her so she pressed on. "Your dad's a pretty okay guy."

"So everyone tells me." Connor sat on the counter. More noise came from the hall but he was getting used to it. His companions seemed to be buzzing around like flies today. "But you're not going to do anything to upset Angel."

"Connor, I want things to be five by five with him but that doesn't really have to do with you and me. Last night was just about…" Faith twisted a lock of hair around her fist trying to figure out how to handle this.

"Last night," he finished for her. "I knew that before we…" He trailed off, his blush deepening. "I mean you didn't even ask my name first."

  
Faith smirked. "Yeah, great first impression, Faith."

"It wasn't so bad really." Connor licked his lips. "Good…great."

Faith snorted. "Thanks. It was pretty damn good. You've got a lot of potential, kid." She rested her hand on his knee.

He covered her hand with his. "I won't get you into trouble with Angel. I won't…what did Cordy call it? Act like a happy puppy around you."

"That's kind of cold." Faith rolled her eyes. "But from what I remember of her, she was all that and a big helping of bitchy on top. So, you and her?"

"Yeah. Once. She was sorry, too," he said, bitterly.

"Her loss. I'm not sorry about last night, though I wish you had been honest with me about who you were." Her dark eyes knifed into him.

Connor sighed, squeezing her hand. "I was honest."

Faith detached herself from him and went back to scrambling eggs. "Melt some butter in that pan," she ordered and he hopped off the counter to do so. "You lied about your name."

"No, I didn't." He flung half a stick of butter in the pan, managing to figure out how to turn on the flames. "My whole life my name's been Steven Franklin Thomas Holtz.  Only no one here will call me Steven. They looked at me all sad and mad when I tried to make them call me that. No one understands. I don't know who Connor is or who they think he should be. I haven't been me in months and they act like it's my fault that I'm not still a baby. I don't even know my last name any more. I'm just Connor who wants to be Steven," he snarled, slapping the butter around the pan with the spoon.

Faith kissed his cheek, taking the spoon away. "I can't imagine how you feel. Wesley did tell me how he took you as a baby, trying to protect you." 

"God's will. I was meant to be with Father," Connor said as someone else walked past the kitchen yet again.

Faith didn't know what to say to that. "I think that's too much butter."

He eyed her sourly. "I don't think it goes back into stick form now."

"It can. Ah, well, you could use some fat. There's not much to you." Faith dumped the eggs into the pool of butter, listening to it hiss and spit much like she could see Connor wanted to do at this point.

"Hey!"

Faith hip bumped him. "You can't argue facts, kiddo." She sobered up, giving him a cautious look. "Wes also mentioned you tried to kill Angel."

"I failed." Connor seemed particularly upset by that. "Father gave me one mission and I failed. Then Angel murdered my father so I put him under the ocean for it. He deserved it."

"Angel killed your dad?" Faith raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound right. Angel wouldn't just kill someone."

Connor sighed. "He said Justine did it because Father wanted her, too.  But that has to be Angel lying because that would mean Father wanted revenge more than he loved me."

Faith heard the boy's voice break. She brushed his hair off his forehead. She knew what it felt like to come in second to a parent's vice. "I'm so sorry. I wish I knew what to tell you."

"Nothing you can say," Connor muttered, looking away as his blue eyes sheened with tears. "I think the eggs are burning."

"Damn." Faith started stirring them vigorously through the butter. "Anyhow Connor, I owe your dad a lot. I want you to understand that. He's been almost my lone support, the only one who believed I could turn my life around. He's understanding." Faith swallowed hard. "I've killed people, Connor and I've been in jail paying for it."

"Oh." Connor studied her. "I'm glad you told me…I can't see him helping though. He's not big on understanding. I don't care what you say. Or maybe it's just me he's not understanding or forgiving."

"Well, he didn't punish you for leaving him down there for Shark Gordon to find," Faith said. 

Connor's eyes, no tears now, slotted angrily. "He threw me out. I'd been here three months but I guess he figured if I can survive hell I can learn how to live in L.A. even though I don't know the first thing about being a human kid. I didn't even really know what money was or what it was for. It was scary…never seen so many people before and didn't know they could all be so weird," Connor said sardonically, scrounging up a sad loaf of half-crushed bread. He put a few slices in the machine he had seen Fred use.

"Yeah, well, that's a problem." Faith's head bobbed sympathetically. "I've been out there myself when I was younger than you."

"If it weren't for the Beast I'd be out there now, especially since I took Cordy from him or whatever it is he thinks I did. Way she's treating me, he can have her back." Venom ran in his voice.

"Getting dumped for the first time is always hard," Faith said, unconvincingly. She tried to remember if she had ever let anyone get close enough to her, stay with her long enough to actually dump her.

"Angel said it'd happen again."

"More than anyone cares to think about. Relationships usually don't work." Faith said, hunting up two plates. 

"So I'm finding out."

"Well, if it weren't for the fact we've got a lot more important things to do and that Angel would probably hit the ceiling, I'd toss you back on that table and show you a few more things I know how to do." Faith's dark eyes glittered like obsidian.

"You mean there's more?" Connor wished he hadn't said that. It had just fallen out from the shock.

Faith laughed, shoving eggs onto the plates. "Last night was just a small sampling," she promised as he put the toast on the plates as well.

"I told you he could ruin anything," Connor muttered, digging into his eggs even before he was completely seated.

"Ruin what?" Angel asked, coming into the kitchen.

"See?" Exasperation colored Connor's pale face. He had heard someone approaching but so many of them had wandered passed already he hadn't thought much of it.

"Just eat your eggs, kid. Which are about the only thing ruined," Faith said, taking a mouthful herself.

"What are you even doing in the kitchen? You don't eat," Connor said, a sulky look on his face.

Angel opened the fridge and pulled out a blood bag. "I eat, Connor."

Connor wrinkled his nose. "Not in front of us."

"Fine." Wearily, Angel put it in the microwave. "I can eat it elsewhere. I have some books to look through in my office."

"Need help with that?" Faith asked.

"When you two are done eating, sure."

"Isn't there anything else I can do?" Connor whined. "I'm no good with the books."

Angel leaned against the counter, looking at his petulant child. "Well, until we learn what we're dealing with and if and how it's connected to you, no. It's time for researching and learning everything we can. We could use your help."

"I'm no good at it. I can't read very well in English," Connor snarled. "And half those books aren't even in English."

"You can't…" Angel trailed off, looking stunned.

"You never even asked if I could read, did you? You just gave me a bunch of books cause you liked them and assumed I did, too." Connor's eyes went cold. "Father only had a Bible to use to teach me. I think I memorized it by listening more than I ever learned to read it. There weren't schools in Quor-Toth, no books, no paper and pens, nothing. Father showed me how to scratch my name in the dirt. I don't even think I can write. I've never tried and I can't read those books of Wesley's. I don't understand them." His voice got louder and more broken with each word.

Angel put his hand on Connor's slim, shaking shoulder. "It's okay, son. I didn't even think…I'm sorry. I should have realized. We'll find something else for you to do and once we beat this thing, we'll help you learn."

  
Connor just stared at him. "Okay, I guess. I think your blood's done."

Angel smiled and retrieved it. "And Faith, about last night."

She held up a hand. "It's our secret. Don't worry. I'm not biting at the bit to tell everyone I pulled a teenager down on the fire escape and had my way with him." 

Angel paused in pouring his blood into a mug. "Fire escape? What fire escape?"

"Never mind. Don't drink that in here. I'm eating," Connor said.

Angel just left the kitchen wagging his head. "Fire escape."

"He's gonna be thinking about that all day," Faith said, polishing off her eggs.

"Oh, let him." Connor scowled. "On second thought, I don't want him thinking about me doing anything."

"What son does?" Faith shot back. "Probably shouldn't have mentioned us doing it on the fire escape before we came back here."

"What?"

Connor and Faith both looked back at the door, having dismissed the footsteps nearing as just more of the traffic the hall seemed to be getting today. Cordy stood there, her dark eyes wild.

"You did what on a fire escape?"

"None of your business," Connor snapped, getting up from the table. 

"Like hell. Connor, baby what do you think you're doing?" Cordelia asked, crossing over to him.

He backed away. "Don't 'baby' me. You made it perfectly clear you didn't want me around so you don't have a say in anything I do any more."

"So, you thought you'd just pick up the first thing that came along and get your jollies?" Cordy asked, stabbing a finger at Faith.

"All right, now I'm insulted," Faith said darkly, also getting to her feet.

"What do you care what I do and who I do it with?" Connor got up in Cordy's face.

She pushed him away. "So I meant so little to you, you can replace me in one day?"

"Me? You're the one who tossed me aside, remember? 'Don't come around with the puppy look, Connor.' 'It's not going to work, Connor,' 'Go away, Connor.' Now that I've gone away, you think you have the right to yell at me?" Connor's eyes narrowed, his body quivering with rage.

"Well, I didn't think you'd pick up the skankiest person you could find." Cordy jammed her fists into her hips. "Faith slept with half of Sunnydale the last time she saw the light of day from a place that didn't have bars on it."

"That's it. You'd better get out of here, Cordelia, before I end up right back in jail for twisting your head off." Faith took a few steps toward Cordelia who didn't back off.

"Give it a try. I'm not the girl you used to know." Cordelia poking Faith's shoulder, failing to see the barely repressed rage building in Faith's dark eyes.

"Yeah, she's a champion now," Connor sneered, making it sound like a four-lettered word. "She's got demon in her…by choice. I wish I had remembered _that_ the night it rained fire or the day I was dumb enough to say, 'come stay in my place."

"Demon?" Faith's eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah, I let a demon seduce me. Father would be so disappointed in me," Connor said bitterly.

"Connor, don't be like this." Cordelia turned her hot gaze on Faith. "It's amazing how fast you can twist a guy's head around. Angel, Xander, even Giles wasn't immune. Did she mention how she tried to sleep with your father, Connor?"

"Shut up now, Cordy," Faith growled, her fists clenching.

"So what? You did, too, or did you forget that, Cordelia?" Connor asked, slinging his hair back.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Angel asked, storming back into the kitchen.

Cordelia turned to him. "Do you know what your son did with Faith?"

Angel looked between all three of them. "I didn't know you knew. But frankly, Cordelia, it's far less disturbing to me than what you did to Connor."

Cordelia's mouth went fish-like, opening and closing before she regained her composure. "So you're okay with him hanging out with Ms. I get off on torturing and killing people?"

"No, I'm not thrilled about it because of why he did it, but you're not his mother, Cordelia, or his lover or probably not even his friend at this point so you don't get a say in this." Angel said. "And Connor, why is it whenever you're around everything is always in an uproar?"

"Oh, so it's my fault," Connor growled, pacing around the room much like his father was wont to do.

"I didn't say that," Angel said, trying to soften his voice.

"Yes, you did." Connor ranged over to him. "You don't want me here."

Angel went to touch Connor's shoulder but his son leapt back. "I think maybe you need to go somewhere to cool off for a little while."

"Fine." Connor kicked a chair half way across the room. "I'm going back to my place and I'm staying there."

"Connor, I don't want you to…" Angel said but Connor shoved past him.

"Too bad. I'm not coming back," Connor said, racing off.

"He'll be back once he…" Cordelia started but Angel held up a hand.

"Don't say another word. You're more responsible for this mess than anyone. You're just lucky we need you here or you'd be out there finding a new place to live," Angel growled. 

Cordelia choked back a sob and ran out. 

"You want me gone, too?" Faith eyed him angrily.

Angel sighed, slumping against the counter. "No. I don't want anyone gone. Once Connor has some time to cool off, I'll go bring him back from the warehouse he flops in."

"Yeah, maybe you'd better 'cause just in case you were wondering, the first time you tossed him out was pretty scary for him. Now he's out there with that thing roaming around and he's thinking he's not wanted here and that we all think the demon's connected to him. I think he's going to be beyond scared," Faith said, cautiously.

Angel scrubbed a hand through his badly chopped hair. That was the last time he let Cordy improve his look. He couldn't see it but neither Fred nor Lorne couldn't keep from snickering when they saw it nor Gunn from staring. "I know, Faith. I'll go bring him back but he doesn't like me. He's been taught to hate me his whole life. It might be better if you go get him later."

"I'll do that if you want." Faith headed for the door. "But I think it would be better if you did it. He might not like you but he thinks no one here likes him. He told me no one understands him. You might want to prove him wrong."

  
Angel just nodded, thinking, 'any suggestions as to how?' At this point he nearly wished he didn't have a son. He hadn't any conception of how hard being a father could be. In that moment, he regretted every single thing he had done to his own father, up to and including murdering him.


	9. Truce

CHAPTER NINE

_  
Welcome to the jungle   
We take it day by day   
If you want it you're gonna bleed   
But it's the price you pay   
And you're a very sexy girl   
That's very hard to please   
You can taste the bright lights   
But you won't get them for free   
In the jungle   
Welcome to the jungle   
Feel my, my, my serpentine   
I, I wanna hear you scream   
  
Welcome to the jungle   
It gets worse here everyday   
Ya learn ta live like an animal   
In the jungle where we play   
If you got a hunger for what you see   
You'll take it eventually   
You can have anything you want   
But you better not take it from me_

**_Welcome to the Jungle_**** – Guns-n-Roses**

Connor heard the shrieking and ran toward it. He knew this street. This is where Anne's safe haven for teens was. The screaming echoed from inside of the shelter. Connor knew better than to charge in without knowing what was inside, but L.A. had plunged into forever night so what was a little impulsiveness? 

He went through the door, nearly falling over a dead teen. He didn't know what the thing was tearing through the middle of the place. It seemed like a ball of brilliant, multi-colored feathers and a couple of ravenous beaks, all held up by thickly clawed legs. It had Anne treed up on the second floor, second away from making her a meal.

Connor jumped over the railing, short sword in one hand, and the long curved axe blade that fit into his arm bracer on the other, turning his limb into a weapon. What Connor hadn't counted on was how quick with those claws the feather-ball was. It nearly disemboweled him. It left him crouched on the floor, bleeding heavily. The thing spun, its beak snapping at him. Connor executed a one-hand back flip, his boots slamming hard into the beak, cracking it. The creature screeched, rushing him, a thin stream of ichor trailing from its beak.

"Duck, kid!"

Hearing Faith's voice, Connor went down and she sailed over him, burying a sword in the feather-ball. It slammed into her, knocking her down. Connor finished it off, it's death cry making his ears ring.

"What the hell was that thing?" Faith asked, rolling to her feet. Brilliant feathers floated around her, some of them decorating her hair.

"No clue." Connor looked up at the top of the stairs. "You okay, Anne?"

The blonde nodded. "Thanks to you two."

"What are you doing here, Faith?" Connor asked, hints of anger in his voice.

"Looking for you. It's been three days since you took off. Everyone is worried about you." Faith crossed over to him. "Very worried, especially  your father."

"Oh, I bet," Connor snarled, holding his belly.

"You're hurt," Anne said, hurrying down the steps.

"I'll be fine." He turned his back to her, keeping her from seeing the wound.  "And I'm not going back with you, Faith."

"Connor, you can't be alone, not at a time like this," Anne said, touching his shoulder. "Please, stay here if you left your home. That's what we're here for."

He brushed the hair out of his face, leaving a trail of his blood over his pale skin. "I have a home, Anne, but thanks."

"It might not be a bad idea to stay here, if you won't come back with me," Faith said, gesturing to the fallen teens. "They could use a protector."

Connor glanced around. "I'll consider it. I just want to go home now."

He didn't wait for further arguments, stalking out into the streets. Faith shot Anne an apologetic look and Anne just waved her on. Faith didn't know what Anne would do about the dead demon or the kids but she had bigger concerns. Things were happening that Connor needed to know about, even if Angel didn't want him to. She caught up to the boy who was trailing blood.

"I think we should get you to a hospital," she said.

He shook his head violently. "I heal fast. I just need to rest a little. I don't live that far from here."

Faith caught his arm, dragging him to a halt. She pointed to the deep purple Fat Boy Harley that was a block away. "I'll drive you." She had taken the bike from its dead owner the day before. It was brand new and it felt odd having nearly sixteen thousand dollars worth of bike between her legs. There hadn't been enough of its owner left to tell if it had been a man or a woman. Still, she felt vaguely nervous about riding on it since it was technically stolen but she needed to be able to get through the city fast.

Connor climbed on behind her, clinging to her since the bitch seat didn't have a sissy bar for him to hold on to. She felt his blood seeping into her clothes as she sped back to his place. She knew she should take him to a hospital or back to the hotel but she figured he'd bolt and he was quick enough that he might just elude her, despite the trail of red he was leaving.

He didn't need her help to get up into the loft as she suspected he might. He flopped on the window ledge and let her hike up his shirt. The gouges in his belly were deep but not so deep she could see muscle. The bleeding had slowed and she didn't doubt he was already knitting together much like she or Buffy would. 

"Do you have anything that might be used to bandage you up?" she asked.

"I think Cordy brought over medical supplies once. They'd be in the bathroom." He pointed out the way.

Faith might never have thought much about Cordelia but she had to admit at least the girl had the sense to stock up on dressings. She got some gauze and antibiotic ointment and took them back out to Connor. The wounds already looked slightly improved. Despite that, she slathered him with the ointment and bound him up. He tried to hide how much he was hurting as she did it.

"That was bad. You shouldn't be out there fighting alone," she said, her dark eyes gauging his reaction. She had learned quickly how explosive he could be.

His sullen look deepened. "You were."

"I was looking for you. No one other than Angel can keep up with me on foot," Faith said levelly. She didn't want to pressure him. "I wasn't lying when I said we were worried and we want you to come home."

  
Connor snorted cruelly. "No one wants me there. You don't understand, the only one who's ever liked me was Cordelia. The rest of them are afraid of me. Okay, not Angel but you know what I mean."

"I think you're wrong. Fred and Gunn are every bit as concerned as Cordy."

Connor slid past Faith painfully, holding his stomach. "You have no idea. The damn green demon left the state because of me. He didn't say it to me but he did tell Dad and Cordy and she told the others. Fred and Gunn would talk about me when they thought I couldn't hear. Faith, those two kept me busy while Angel went to kill my Father. They knew what he could do to Holtz and they let it happen. Do you think they care at all what happens to me?"

Faith stared at him, trying to think of something to say or do. She settled for prowling the room to see if she could find a closet or anything that might do as one so she could get him a change of clothes. His were blood-soaked. Did she dare argue their case or did she let it slide? She decided they needed Connor around and she'd have to fight to win him back.  "They care. If you could see them now you'd know that they do. And do you really think they'd have allowed Angel to just go and kill Holtz?" she asked and the way Connor's blue eyes fixed on her made her feel like prey.

"You tell me. They were discussing what Angel might do while they took me to the beach. That's how I knew Father was in trouble." Connor laughed bitterly. "I should thank them, I guess. If not for that, I wouldn't have known what an ocean really looked like, never would have thought to sink Angel to the bottom of it."

Faith didn't even try to tell him that was wrong. She could tell he wouldn't see it that way. He wasn't ready to see his mistakes and she knew how that was. "But he didn't kill Holtz," she said, finding Cordelia's clothing. There were a few masculine shirts and no other pants. Did Connor only own one pair? Giving up, she took down a pair of Cordelia's jogging pants and the least hideous of the shirts, a blue thing with a collar.

Connor flopped onto his bed, ignoring her words.

"Oh, kid, no. You're covered in blood. Let's get you changed." Faith held out the clothing.

  
Connor stood back up and stripped unselfconsciously. Faith discovered she hadn't been imagining it the night she first met him. He didn't wear underwear and it occurred to her that perhaps no one bothered to tell him that was a thing most guys did in this world.  He pulled on Cordy's ill-fitting jogging pants, hitching as his wound pulled. 

"I know what Angel says happened and it can't be true," he said finally, lying back on the bed sans shirt. 

 "Why not?" Faith sat next to him. "Because Angel's the one saying it?"

Connor's eyes shut. "Because if Father asked Justine to kill him and pretend Angelus did it, then that means revenge meant more to him than I did. He knew what I would do if Angelus hurt him. If Father did what Angel said then I was never anything more than a tool and I'm not sure I can live with that."

  
Faith reached up and touched his cheek where tears had begun to wet his blood-streaked flesh. "We can't know what's in a person's heart, Connor. Do you honestly think Holtz didn't love you?"

Connor crushed his fists to his eyes, rubbing them viciously. His voice cracked as he spoke. "He loved me but he loved revenge more."

"He was an old man by the time you returned, from what I've been told, and two centuries out of his world. Maybe he just couldn't go on any more, Connor." Faith didn't know where she was dredging up the words and couldn't tell if they were helping but she felt they might be. Maybe this is how Angel found the way to heal her, finding ways through to the truth even if it wasn't always pleasant.

"No. If it was that, he could have just…I don't know but he didn't need to do what he did." Connor sobbed loudly. "He was the only person I've ever trusted completely and he betrayed me."

Faith stretched out alongside of Connor, pulling him to her. She stroked his back, letting him cry against her. Finally she said, "You're lucky but you don't even know it."

Connor sniffled, looking at her with bleary eyes. "I've never been lucky."

Faith brushed his unruly hair back. "Yes, you have. You had a father who loved you dearly, loved you so much that he managed to keep you safe in that terrible place. You don't doubt he loved you. Now answer me honestly, put your anger on the shelf for a minute and think, do you believe Angel when he said he loves you?"

Connor buried his face against her neck. "I don't want to," he mumbled.

Faith felt triumphant. She wondered if he even realized what he was confessing to. "But you do."

"Yeah." Connor squirmed free of her a bit. "The first day after I lost my fight with him, I took off. When he found me later, I was in this terrible place. Sunny had died from her medicine and the guy who gave it to her was trying to get it back from me. Dad was there. Men in blue uniforms came in and started shooting at Tyke, the guy with the medicine and Dad tried to get me out the window. I was too afraid to move. I didn't know what was happening. The man in the uniform pointed this long gun at me and Angel  shielded me when it went off. I know that he knew it wouldn't kill him but it would hurt. At the time I thought he did it to try and win my trust just like Father warned me he would do. Sometimes, I still think that but then I think, he did it because he cares. When we were running away and he was still hurt, I was concerned for him. I try to tell myself that I felt that way because I needed to get his trust so I could kill but that's not it, not entirely."

"You care about him whether you like to or not and that's why you're lucky." Faith's dark eyes glistened. "Connor, I've never felt that way about my parents. Well, my father I never knew. He was never in my life. My mother drank all the time. I was a kid, a little kid and I was the one taking care of her. If I wanted to eat, I had to scrounge my own food. She didn't even notice I was alive unless one of her boyfriends came over and then I was just in the way. For a while we lived with this loser who made a little money. Mom didn't want to waste that, so when I told her he was messing with me she hit me and told me to quit lying or he'd leave. I was seven."

"Messing with?" Connor eyed her curiously.

"He raped me," Faith said then took in a deep breath, the air whistling in her nose. "I've never told anyone else that before. I got used to men messing with me, beating on me and my mom never caring. I didn't know how bad it fucked me up but it did. By the time I became a Slayer, I was so broken inside it was easy for the evil to get into me. That's why I say you're lucky." She stroked his back, feeling how thin he was. "You've known what it's like to be loved and I never have."

Tears flowing anew, Connor leaned close and kissed Faith's cheek. "I'm sorry."

"That's why I think you should come home." She kissed him back. "They do care about you Connor. You shouldn't turn your back on that. When I was in Sunnydale, I did just that. I can tell you how it could turn out."

"I just wish…I wish they'd understand that it doesn't matter to me why Holtz took me in the first place. What matters to me is that he loved me and it hurts me when they talk about him like he was evil," Connor said. "I miss him and I have nightmares about the night he died. I can't tell anyone about that since no one wants to hear about him."

Faith embraced him tightly. "It has to be weird for them, Connor. They missed your whole life in a space of a week as far as they're concerned. Tell them how you feel or they'll never know. Maybe if I had told someone how I felt, things would have been different. Tell me, I'm listening."

Connor plumbed the depths of her eyes. Faith wasn't sure what he was looking for but he seemed to find it. "I thought Father was killed by Angelus," Connor whispered. "Justine told me so, I saw the wounds. Father would never want to come back as a monster so I did what I had to."

"Is that what gives you nightmares?" She gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.

  
Connor nodded. "I see his eyes in the dark. I hear the sound of my blade going through his neck. I remember how it felt to cut off Father's head and how it rolled in the grass. I can't forget it no matter how hard I try." 

  
A whimper escaped him and Faith held him tighter. She didn't have words to make that better. She just clung to him, feeling him quiver as the emotion tore out of him.  A door opened, startling them but they were such a tight huddle of entwined limbs they couldn't move. Cordelia came in. Her eyes narrowed.

"Oh, isn't this nice?"

"It's not what you think," Faith growled, managing to get free of Connor. "And if it was, it's still none of your business."

"I've made you my business," Cordelia shot back.

"Cordelia, we don't owe you any explanations," Faith said, getting to her feet.

"Maybe not to me but what about Angel? He trusted you. How can you do this?" Cordelia asked and Faith rolled her eyes at her.

Connor let out a bitter bark of laughter. "Look who's talking."

"Connor, Angel can't think straight worrying about you," Cordy said as Connor wormed deeper into shadows.

"Why do you think I care what Angelus thinks," he snarled.

"You've never met Angelus, Connor." Cordy's face hardened. "But you might."

"What do you…oh, Angelus knows the Beast. I know Gunn and Wes wanted to bring Angelus out to talk to him. Angel said no," Connor said.

"There might be no choice," Faith said. "It was one of the reasons I was looking for you. Angel wants you and me there. If it goes wrong, he wants us to kill him."

"Gladly," Connor said blithely. 

"Connor! Sweetie, don't say it that way. Angel loves you so much. He doesn't even want you to see Angelus but he knows you need to be there to protect everyone from him if something happens. You can't be here, especially not with Faith. You know Angel's wishes on that count. You're just inviting trouble and we don't need that now. We need to be acting like a family and this isn't the way a family acts," Cordelia said, taking a step toward Connor but Faith blocked her way.

"My only family died in an alley thanks to Angelus and I had to burn his body," Connor shot back, trying to get off the bed.

"That isn't true. We're your family. You just don't want to see that," Cordelia argued.

"You know, Queen C, you always were a bitch but now you're a sanctimonious bitch and that's worst," Faith said. 

"No one asked you, Faith," Cordelia shot back as Connor finally managed to get on his feet. It was then she noticed his bandaged gut. Her face lost all its steel. "Oh, baby, you're hurt."

"It's okay," he said. "I'll heal."

"Are you sure?" Cordy crossed over to him, touching his face. Connor flinched away. "You look so terribly sad."

"I'm fine." He glared at her. "Why are you even here?"

"I was hoping you'd be here so we could talk." Cordelia looked at Faith who didn't make an effort to leave. "I'm tired of fighting with you, Connor. I'm tired of fighting with everyone, even you Faith. Sometimes I just can't keep my big mouth shut.  I can't tell you how sorry I am for hurting you, Connor. I just want you to come home with us. Please."

"This is my home."

"Then come back to the fort, if you want to think of it that way. We need you. We can't be divided. It weakens us," Cordelia said.

Connor looked between both women then pulled on his shirt. "Fine."

They hadn't made it across the room when all the windows blew out of the place. Cordy shrieked while Connor and Faith fell into defensive stances. No one was prepared for the winds that whipped through the place or the large bird-like creature that soared in. From the waist up she looked like a beautiful woman and the rest of her resembled a giant eagle.

"Murderers," the thing shrieked. "You killed my daughter."

"What?" Faith asked, sliding a stake from her belt into her hand.  

"That feathered thing," Connor guessed.

"You killed a kid?" Cordelia asked, "not that I'm doubting it deserved it. Who or what are you?"

The harpy landed on the bed, looking at Cordelia. "I am Aello, the deliverer of punishment. You killed my child and now you all will die." Aello looked skyward and it let go with rain and lightening. A bolt landed between Connor and Faith who were quick enough to jump out of the direct line but the electricity sent them both to the ground. 

Cordelia picked up a crossbow from the table and shot. She hit the harpy in a wing. Aello screamed and sent a blast of air that knocked Cordelia into a wall. Connor and Faith regained their footing. Faith grabbed a sword off the weapon's table and Connor his axe. They circled the harpy trying to figure out a way to get close without getting a lightening bolt through the head. Cordelia shot again wildly. It missed but it was enough to distract Aello. Faith ran her through and Connor took her head off with one blow. Her body shivered and quaked. They could smell the ozone building.

"Oh shit!" Faith cried and they all ran for cover.

Aello exploded like a fireball and the loft burst into flames. 

"We have to get out of here!" Cordelia cried.

"Go!" Connor cried, jumping over some of his burning bedding, axe still in hand. He darted into the closet and grabbed something from under a box.

Faith couldn't see what was so important to him until they got outside. The loft was ablaze and it would be a total loss before the overtaxed fire company could get to it. In Connor's hand was a bandolier of bits and bobs, including a human ear. Faith didn't even want to know. Cordelia didn't seem surprised so she must have already seen it.  The Slayer decided it must have been something Connor had from the demon world. It looked demonic enough. The boy was a trophy taker and that sent a cold shiver up her spine.

"My home," he moaned, draping his trophies around his slender neck.

"Is gone," Faith said. "I'll drive him back to the hotel, Cordelia. Do you have a way home?"

Cordelia nodded. "Connor, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. Let's get out of here," he said, heading for Faith's bike. Faith followed him, looking at him in a slightly different light. She had been seeing him as a boy Slayer. Now she refined that image. He was a male version of her younger self and that was a dangerous and unnerving thing. She wondered if she were the only one to see it and if should she tell Angel.


	10. In Angelus' wake

Author's Note- In this story, Angel's soul doesn't go missing, Lilah doesn't show up and die and there are a few other deviations from canon.

CHAPTER TEN

_Once I rose above the noise and confusion_

_Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion_

_I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high_

_Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man_

_Though my mind could think I still was a madman_

_I hear the voices when I'm dreamin'_

_I can hear them say_

_Carry on my wayward son_

_For there'll be peace when you are done_

Lay your weary head to rest Now don't you cry no more 

**_Wayward Son – Kansas_**

****

Angel sat outside, staring up at the black disc that was the sun. He couldn't go inside and face his friends. He should never have allowed them to talk him into letting his soul be stripped away. The information Angelus had given them wasn't worth what his demon had put them through.

No one was really talking to each other, especially Fred, Wes and Gunn. Faith, Cordy and Lorne were holding up better. Connor was gone, God knew where. It had been too much for the boy. He couldn't deal with the things Angelus had said.

Angel felt the tears he was too proud to shed burning his eyes. He had never wanted Connor to see him like that, as the monster the boy had been raised to believe he was. Connor hadn't been too affected by the Oedipus references. He honestly didn't seem upset that his first lover was the closest thing he had to a mom. But why should he be? Angel realized that Connor couldn't possibly remember Cordelia being his surrogate mother. He might have been completely unaware of it when he went to bed with her. Oddly enough, Angelus' jibes to Cordy on the subject missed their target too. He had felt sure he could get her.

However, he hit a real nerve by bringing up Holtz. Connor came back to the basement on the sly once he, Wesley and Cordelia returned from their talk with the priestesses of S'Vear or the one that was left. The Beast had missed slaughtering her. Angelus had seen how upset Connor was and he took full advantage of his son's state of mind. Connor had been easy prey after the trauma of seeing the massacred family.

All he had to do was start back in on how disappointing and dumb Connor could be. Again with how Holtz had killed himself rather than deal with his son's failures. That opened Connor up like a spring flower and Angelus had finished him off with outright questioning of what sort of sexual release Holtz had had on Quor-Toth for eighteen years. He asked his son how he felt when the man he trusted most couldn't keep from using him as a girl. After all, he was so small and feminine, how could anyone resist, especially since Connor had those big pouty lips. He speculated graphically what the boy might be able to do with them. Through Connor's disgust and adamant denials, Angelus had seen the pain. He had known then that Holtz actually had never touched the boy but he kept it up until Connor charged the cage.

If his son hadn't been unnaturally quick, he'd have killed him. No, not killed him. He would have made him his childe in yet another way, giving Angelus a perfect companion to hunt the night with. Connor would make a superlative vampire but he had escaped with Angelus' fingernail marks cut into the pale flesh of his willowy neck. Now his son was gone and he didn't have to be told Connor would never want to see him again.

What was even worse, the thing settling like ice inside him, was how Connor had verbally danced with Angelus. Connor had been every bit as vicious as his father. He gave no quarter and seemed to delight in the nastiness. What had been like a stake in the heart was Connor's declaration he wasn't Angel's son. There was no doubt in the boy's voice when he declared himself Angelus' offspring. And Angel knew Connor had no clue how close to the truth he was. No one spoke of it but Angel knew his friends understood that he wanted to become Angelus again the night Connor was conceived. He remembered how only the sight of his vampire face had soothed his infant son. What did that mean? At the time he thought it was kind of cute but now he had to wonder if it had a more sinister meaning. Did Connor have some link to Angelus. There was certainly a link between him and his son. He didn't doubt that for a moment. They had known each other the moment he reappeared on Earth. He had known deep to the bone he had been staring at his son even though it was a half-grown man before him. And Connor hadn't hesitated in calling him Dad. There was a connection but was it to him or to his demon?

The prophecies concerning Connor floated back to the forefront of his mind. He knew some had been faked. He wanted them all to be. He didn't want to think there was anything horrid hanging over his son's head. But now he had to wonder if there was some truth to the prophecy about Connor bringing darkness. He could almost see it. There had been a coldness in Connor as he laid into Angelus, a dead zone so broad it was unnerving. Angel only wished he knew what it meant. Was that hatred reserved just for him or did it spill over to the others?

Angel heard the courtyard door opening but he didn't look back. From the walk he knew it was Wesley. "I don't want to talk."

"I can imagine you don't," Wesley said. "But we have work to do. Karan is still at my apartment. I wish I could convince her to stay here but after the death of her sister's entire family, I suppose she would want a little privacy."

"You can deal with all those details, Wesley. Try to convince her to stay here for safety's sake. Get her whatever she needs to banish the Beast," Angel said mechanically, keeping his eyes focused on the courtyard wall.

"Angel, it's not a matter of that and you know it. None of us need to be told the obvious." Wesley stopped just behind the vampire. He was so close Angel's back was twitching. "What we need is to start acting like a group again. A good step forward would be for you to rejoin us."

Angel turned and looked up at Wes. His bearded face seemed swollen and given the fight he had with Gunn, it was no surprise. "How do we do that, Wes?"

"Well, I don't know but if we don't we might as well just lay down and die now," Wes snapped. "I don't know how but we'll do it. We have little choice." He watched Angel's face but the vampire had no response. He didn't think he was getting through to him. Angel just didn't seem to care

"You've given more rousing speeches," Angel said, getting up. His tone, while defeated, gave Wesley a glimmer of hope that he could still be swayed.

"Probably. I'm not exactly at my best. And it doesn't make what I just said any less true," Wesley replied.

"I don't know what to say to everyone." Angel hated making that admission but it was getting hard to carry all this by himself.

"You'll find a way to repair the rift, Angel. You did so in Sunnydale and I don't have to remind you the horrors you inflicted on everyone there." Wesley put a tentative hand on Angel's shoulder. "They may not all have forgiven you but they learned to work with you again. I'm not saying it'll be easy or instantaneous. Take a look at me, they're working with me again despite what I did."

Angel managed a wan smile. "That was a better speech. But I don't see it happening with Connor. Now he's truly seen what Angelus is like."

"Angel, he's always seen you as Angelus. Do you think this really changed his opinion of you that profoundly? He has never once regretted sentencing you to living death. A few ugly words isn't going to make him hate you more than he already does," Wes said with a stern, utterly unrepentant look on his face.

Angel frowned. "He took off, Wes, so you tell me."

"He does this. Gunn and Fred have told you this before. He goes off sometimes for days. He used to get Fred frantic back when you were still imprisoned in the sea, so much so, she'd actually call me to see if I knew here he was." Wesley reclined against the staircase wall. "I think she realized I was keeping tabs on everything. Angelus pissed him off. When he cools down, Connor'll be back and if not, you know where to find him. Just look for the biggest fight happening in the city."

Angel snorted. "That's what I'm afraid of. He's a boy. He's not as good as he thinks."

"That's a protective father talking," Wesley said, a little more kindly. "He had the worst of the dark realms calling him 'The Destroyer.' Connor's every bit as good as he thinks he is."

"I beat him, Wes." Angel lifted his chin, trying to rein back his rising temper. Surely he knew his own son better than Wesley but the truth was he didn't know Connor at all.

"No, you, Gunn and Groo beat him." Wesley countered, wagging a finger at the vampire.  "Gunn's an able fighter. Groo was the best Pylea had to offer. Do you think things might have turned out differently if they hadn't been there to deflect his attack and tire him out?"

Angel sighed. "Maybe. But the Beast can beat him."

"He knows that. I wouldn't worry about him going after the Beast. I think Connor would rather come back and kill you first before facing off with the Beast." Wesley's face went grim.

Angel scowled horrendously. "That's not comforting."

Wesley's lips twitched up a bit. "It wasn't meant to be."

Angel slumped against a courtyard wall. "Do you think there's any truth to the idea of the sins of the father being visited on the son?"

Wesley scratched at his beard thinking for a moment. "I think it would have to be a truly cruel God who would do such a thing and I prefer to believe that if there is such a being it would be kinder."

"I'm not so sure. Connor's already paid so much for my evil, growing up like he did and I can't escape the feeling he's going to continue to do so." Angel sighed, staring out into the dark. It was hard to believe it was morning. "Did you hear the things that came out of his mouth when he was taunting Angelus?"

"Yes." Wesley glanced up at the darkened out sun. "I can't decide if it was bravado, his upbringing or…"

"Or my son's a sociopath." Angel flinched at his own words.

Wesley shook his head. "I don't think it's as bad as that. He was kind to Cordelia and to Fred. He challenged Gunn a bit from what Fred's told me but they had some bonding going on too before what he did to you came to light. His anger is focused on only one place, towards you."

"Well, I'm not ready to test the theory my son will become a well adjusted member of society if he just kills me," Angel said.

"Good. Because when I came out here, it was looking like you were. Come on back inside," Wesley said.

Angel nodded then froze. He stared intently into the darkness. "Did you see something?"

"No."

"Thought I saw something moving."

Both men surveyed the area but nothing showed itself. They went back inside. Everyone was in the kitchen, trying to make a meal while not actually talking to each other. Gunn and Fred were busy pretending they weren't ignoring each other. Faith was more honestly just ignoring the entire group and Cordelia was simply slathering toast with jam, looking pale and tired. Angel knew she had been ill since even before they forced Angelus to surface and had chalked it up to stress. Even Lorne was uncharacteristically silent. They all stopped, seeing Angel enter the room. 

Angel forced himself to meet all the eyes on him. "I know sorry doesn't cover it but that's all I have. I know none of you are going to just walk away now so I'll skip the speech about sticking together and all that crap.  The things Angelus said…I don't think of any of you that way. He did it to drive you apart and he damn near succeeded. We can work on rebuilding our bridges later. Right now we have a demon to banish. What does Karan need to work that spell?"

"Mostly she needed her sisters," Fred said. "But she thinks if she translates the spell, Wesley and I can help her with that."

Gunn couldn't help but give her and Wesley a glare. "That leaves me, you and Faith to keep them safe until it's done and to battle back any of the other minions the Beast has called. It's a vampire free-for-all out there."

Angel nodded. "I know. Cordy, have you had any visions, anything that might help us?"

Cordelia wilted a bit over the toast. Angel thought for a moment she might collapse. "No. I can't help you there. I guess I can help gather up anything Karan might need. We were talking, Faith and I, about Connor. We might know where he's gone since his home was burnt to the ground."

Angel crossed over to her, an eager look on his face. "Where?"

"Anne's home for kids. We rescued her a few days ago. She offered him a place then and I told him if he wasn't going to live here that might be good. She's not running off in spite of all the badness and hey, they can use someone who can kick ass," Faith said, battering Spam slices around the frying pan.  "I've gone by there a few times but I haven't seen him. No one will even own up to knowing him but that's how places like that work."

"Okay. Right now, I can't worry about him," Angel said, unconvincingly. "Let's get over to your place, Wes, and see when the priestess thinks-"

The sudden loud baying of many dogs cut off Angel. Everyone looked around, exiting the kitchen, heading right for the weapons' cabinet. The howling hounds seemed to be getting closer. The sound drew a veil of despondency over everyone except Angel. The vampire could sense the changes in his friends, the looks of utter despair, the way they didn't even try for the weapons and he could only guess whatever it was, it sieved into their minds like bad water.

"What the hell is that?" Gunn asked, glancing around nervously.

"We're stuck in a rerun of the Hounds of the Baskervilles?" Cordelia shot back, slumping against the wall.

"You might not be far off," Wesley said, pointing to one of the ground-floor windows.

A dog the size of a bull calf, leapt through the window. Its black fur glinted as if bejeweled from the lights on the shards of glass. Despite its bulk the only sound it made was the clicking of its nails. A half dozen more followed it and others came through other windows. Each one seemed to add to the air of desolation, their fiery red eyes cranking up the misery.

"What are they?" Fred asked, falling back against Gunn. He folded her in his arms.

"Unless I miss my guess, barghests," Wesley said, managing to find it in him to pull a sword from the cabinet. "Black dogs. Stories about them abound in the British isles. The Beast must have sent them."

"How do we beat them?" Angel asked, not waiting for his friends. Sword drawn, he hacked the nearest of the monstrous dogs, garnering their immediate attention. 

"To hear their cry is to give up and die." Wesley nearly took off his own foot as he let the sword drop.

"And we've already heard it," Fred moaned.

"We're not dead yet. They can be killed." Angel pointed to the beheaded creature at his feet. "Get your weapons and fight back!" They all stared at him, motionless, and Angel felt his temper boil over. He felt the bones of his face shifting even before he could stop it. "Fight or we all die!"

He didn't know if it was his tone of voice, their own natural survival instincts, or the look and attitude of Angelus, but whatever it was it shocked them into motion. Gunn had his hubcap axe in hand and sliced deeply into the hound that leapt at him. Cordy and Fred snared crossbows and let fly with bolts. Lorne grabbed a pike out of the cabinet and poked it around rather ineffectually. Wesley started hacking with his broadsword that seemed almost too heavy for him to lift. Faith leapt into the fray with her usual aplomb. Fists, feet and knives were her weapons against the rampaging barghests. At least most of the infernal howling had stopped.

Fred shrieked as a barghest bore her to the ground but Gunn splintered the black dog's spine with a vicious axe blow. As he helped her up, Angel grunted, half of his arm crushed in the jaws of one of the beasts. He grabbed the creature with his free hand and tore out its throat with his teeth. He yanked his sword arm free of its jaws and looked for his next meal, blood sprayed all over his face. There was nothing left standing and his friends eyed him in muted horror. Seeing him like this, blood running down the ridges of his forehead had to be almost as bad as listening to Angelus' babble. Humiliated, Angel's face smoothed back over.

"Good team work," he muttered, trying to deflect attention away from him.

Before anyone could say anything, Cordelia made some gagging noises. She tried to dart out to the courtyard but didn't make it. Her stomach emptied all over the floor. She looked back at her companions, too sick to be embarrassed. "Sorry."

"Don't worry, pixie-cat. We can clean it up. Why don't you go lie down?" Lorne patted her back gently. "You can't seem to shake this stomach flu."

She didn't protest and hurried up the steps.

 Angel looked around at the dog corpses that didn't have the decency to dissolve or dust. "I'll be back to help with the clean up in a minute."

Angel headed for Cordelia's room. He knocked and heard her mumble a 'come in.'  He entered her room but she wasn't in sight. He heard water running in the bathroom so he waited for her to make a reappearance. She had washed some of the blood and vomit off herself and traded her stained clothing for a thick blue robe. 

"Are you okay, Cordy?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She shook her head, sagging on the bed. He sat next to her, concerned. He couldn't remember seeing her this unwell. "It's really bad, Angel."

"We'll beat this, Cordy." He brushed some of her hair back off her face, noticing how puffy it was. "We have the priestess and-"

"That's not what I meant. I don't have the flu, Angel. It's not nerves but it is sure causing a case of them." Cordelia gulped air. "I found a doctor, can you believe that? Not all of them ran off. Some are here thinking they're fighting the good fight. I know what's wrong with me."

"It's not the flu…how serious is this, Cordelia?" Angel asked, his mind flashing quickly to Sunnydale and the death of a woman he considered far too young to die. What would he do if Cordy had something like cancer?

Cordelia opened her mouth to answer but only sobbed. She started bawling and Angel pulled her close to him, stroking her hair. 

"Cordelia, what's wrong? What did the doctor say?"

"That night in the loft…I thought the world was ending. I never thought to take precautions," she babbled.

"What?" Angel asked, then his eyes opened wide. "Son of a..."

"Yeah." Cordelia wiped her face with the thick sleeve of her robe. "I'm pregnant. The reason I keep throwing up is morning sickness."

Angel didn't know what to say as she broke down again. He rocked her, holding her in his arms. He tried to keep his mind empty or else he'd think on the ramifications of this. He couldn't do that without rage building up inside him. Finally she cried herself out.

"I'm so sorry, Angel." She rubbed at the tearstain on his shirt. " I'm made such a mess of everything."

"I know you didn't mean to." He stroked her back soothingly.

"What am I going to do?" Her fists thudded against the mattress. "I can't have a baby in the middle of all of this."

"Hopefully all of this will be over in the next day or two," Angel said, at a loss for something more useful. He didn't know what she was going to do. He couldn't imagine what this would do to his son's life.

"How can I be a mother, Angel? And Connor's just a kid. He barely knows how to get by in this world," Cordelia moaned.

"You'll be a good mother, Cordelia," Angel said, keeping the 'now you remember he's only a boy,' to himself.

"I'm not sure I should even tell him. I mean, you're not supposed to say anything for the first few months anyhow since things can go wrong," Cordelia said, rubbing her belly. "What if it's not human, Angel? What then?"

"Connor's human, Cordelia." Angel argued. "He's special but he's still human."

"I'm not, not any more," she said. "We tend to forget that. What if this child isn't human?"

He squeezed her hand gently. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I won't tell anyone, Cordelia. You can do that in your own time and way."

 "Thanks, Angel." She rubbed her swollen eyes.  "You must hate me for getting us all into this mess."

"I don't hate you, Cordelia." He slid his arm around her waist. "I don't know what to think about all of this. I'm a little stunned but I don't hate you."

She kissed his cheek. "That means more than you know."

"You rest. I have to help the others clean up the corpses."

Angel left her, only then letting his emotions surface for just a moment. He felt a little like screaming. He wasn't ready for any of this. He couldn't even imagine what Connor would do when he found out. Groo had been gone too long to pretend it was his. Connor would eventually find out he was going to be a father and Angel expected all hell to break loose. There was nothing he could do about it now. He distracted himself with black dog bonfire detail.


	11. The Plan Starts Coming Together

CHAPTER ELEVEN

And he looks at me in wonder  
And he looks at me in fear  
Wrestling with his anger  
His pride and stony tears  
To place me in his life  
Will be hard and slow  
Does he want it need it  
I might never know  
The boy feels strange  
Oh the boy has changed

The Boy Feels Strange – Melissa Etheridge 

****

Angel waved a hand and Gunn, Fred and Faith fanned out. He'd rather had had Wesley in Fred's place but the S'Vear priestess needed him to help her ready part of the spell. They weren't just going for banishing this time. They planned on destroying the Beast. To that end, they were stalking an Ocopim demon. They'd need its horn as a weapon.

He was having a hard time concentrating on tracking this demon. His mind was too full of extraneous garbage. Well, it wasn't garbage actually. Most of it was important to him personally but it was an unwanted distraction at this point. 

 Cordelia was still getting very sick. The doctor said she had a severe form of morning sickness. He didn't know what to think about it yet. Connor was too young to be a father, provided they vanquished the Beast and if they failed it wouldn't be a world worthy of bringing a child into. He hadn't asked Cordy if she even planned on keeping his grandchild. He didn't want to know. He wasn't ready for the idea of an abortion, except of course, if the child did turn out to be demonic. Of all things to happen, he hadn't counted on this and was thoroughly unprepared for its reality.

He was surprised he wasn't angrier at Cordelia. The anger seemed to have drained out of him. He was more disappointed than anything. Cordelia should have known better. He knew Connor didn't. No one would have taught him about safe sex or even when the right time to have sex was. Of course, a case could be made that fire raining down, the end of the world might count as the right time since there wouldn't be more time. 

"Sounds like fighting up ahead," Faith said, her lips parting in a wicked smile.

"Damn, I thought we had that demon cornered inside," Gunn said, peering into the warehouse. He hefted his axe in anticipation.

"It might be trying to make for the sewers," Angel said. "Let's go before it gets away."

"Yeah, but what's stopping it?" Faith asked, twirling a stake like a baton between her fingers. "This thing's been leaving a body trail a mile wide."

Angel's face went contemplative. "I'm thinking I know who's slowing it down. Like Wes said, Connor's likely to show up where the fighting's the worst."

"We should be so lucky," Fred said, taking a bolt out of her pocket, loading her crossbow.

"Looks like we are," Gunn said, pointing to the thing that looked like a gigantic satyr. One of its hooves connected with Connor's gut, propelling him across the floor.

"Kill it any way you can," Angel said, a grim expression on his face.

Fred let fly with her crossbow. The bolt sunk into the demon's shoulder. Howling, it spun and clattered towards her. Gunn whirled in with his hubcap axe, burying it in the thing's hip. It knocked him halfway across the room. Angel, Faith and Connor swarmed it from three different directions. Once they were on it, it couldn't free itself. It was clumsy at close range. Angel manhandled it into a headlock, preventing it from getting its horns down, leaving Connor and Faith free to hack it to pieces. Faith's stake proved useless but she had a hefty knife more than able to do the work.

  
Father and son stood over the corpse, glaring at one another. Like two wolves they signaled their intent, their search for dominance, with body language. Fred had her crossbow at the ready as if expecting to turn it on them to prevent a fight. A trickle of blood  ran down Connor's chin. Angel saw he was wearing his bandolier of trophies. He had thought Connor had lost it. He and Faith had managed to convince Connor to give up the human ear but it looked like Connor had replaced it with some new demon parts. Why did his son need that for? Proof of his abilities or something more sinister?

"Faith, could you get the horn," Angel said, not taking his eyes off Connor. Angel's body didn't relax in the least. He sensed an imminent attack. Connor's lips skinned back.

Faith, knife drawn, stepped between them. She pressed the hilt into Angel's hand. "Get it yourself." She turned to face Connor, aware of his hostility. Still, she felt confident she could manipulate him. Boys were easy. "And you, we're getting that horn to kill the Beast. We could use your help. Are you in or should be we just not count on you at all?" she snapped.

The fight drained out of Connor so quickly it was stunning. Pain filled his big eyes and his full lips parted slightly falling into that half-opened, bewildered look he had. He stubbornly glanced at Angel who was sawing off the horn then up at Fred who still had her weapon pointing in his general direction. "I want to help but I'm not sure everyone agrees you need me."

"We don't have the time to argue with you, Connor," Angel said. "The Beast knows by now we have one of the priestesses. He knows he can't let her live. We'll stand a much better chance with you there to help."

Connor lifted his chin, shaking his hair back over his shoulders. "Maybe  I'd do better out here, putting out fires."

Angel stood back up, horn in hand. He gave Faith back her knife. She wiped it on her gore spattered pant leg before sheathing it. "There's too much demon activity, Connor. No one could handle that many battles. Once we defeat the Beast, we'll be able to clean out the city. Karan, the priestess, said once the Beast is killed all its energies will be released and the spell should reverse."

Connor just glared, staying mute. Angel tried to put a hand on his shoulder but Connor jerked away. His anger and fear crackled in the air. Angel could almost taste it in the back of his throat.

"Connor, I'm sorry about all those terrible things Angelus said to you," Angel said, regretting he didn't have more privacy for this talk. His friends gave no signs of understanding he wanted to be alone with his son or maybe they just didn't trust him and Connor not to kill each other.

"Since when have I ever cared what you say? No need to apologize. You were just being your true self," Connor said. The chill in his voice frostbit everyone. Angel dropped his gaze, incredibly hurt.

"Connor, don't say things like that," Fred scolded, her crossbow no longer at the ready. She shook a bony finger at him. "Angel is doing what he has to, to save us again. He's a champion and he deserves some respect."

"Stop saying that!" Connor yelled, his pale face purpling with rage. His whole body quivered with the effort to restrain himself. "You guys keep bantering that word around until it's lost all meaning."

Fred huddled in on herself against the venom in his voice. Her puppy eyes held a deep fear as if expecting a good punch in the face. "Connor, you don't mean that."

"Shut up, Fred. You're always telling me what to do and what to think," Connor snarled, stalking over to her. "Living at the hotel was the longest three months of my life since I had to listen to you all the time."

"Don't you talk to her like that." Gunn shoved Connor away from Fred who struggled not to cry.

Connor growled and shoved him back hard enough to land Gunn on his backside. Angel grabbed his son and shook him.

"Never do that, Connor! You can't lose your temper that way," Angel bellowed then took a deep breath. He felt more lost than he ever had except maybe once or twice with the sorrow shrouding his and Buffy's life together. He despaired of he and his son ever having anything but tragedy between them. He could see it roiling in like storm clouds.  He started again more gently. "You can't forget you're stronger than normal humans, son. You could seriously hurt someone without meaning to."

Connor sagged a bit under his father's hands. "I'm sorry. I'm just…"

"Yeah, we're all just a little something at this point," Gunn said as Faith helped him up. Angel was relieved Gunn didn't sound too angry. He hoped his friends understood how dangerous inciting Connor could be.

"We'd better get back to the Hyperion. Wes will need a little back up if something comes for the priestess. Lorne isn't much of a fighter," Angel said.

"Cordy isn't there?" Connor asked, a hint of real concern in his voice.

"She's there but she's been…sick," Angel said, not willing to tell Connor more. He couldn't even imagine how the news would be broken to the boy. "Come back with us, Connor. There's plenty of room for you to stay. You don't even have to be near any of us."

"No!" Connor pulled away from Angel, wrapping his slender arms around his chest protectively. "I'm not staying there."

"Fine, but at least come back now so you can hear the plan. I'm going to give you my cell phone. Cordy can show you how to work it. This way you can stay where you feel comfortable and we can still be in touch quickly, okay?" Angel asked, trying to keep the pain and despondency out of his voice. Connor was never going to trust him again.

Connor nodded. "Okay."

*                                                                      *                                                          *

The tension hadn't lessened any by the time they returned to the hotel. The street the Hyperion dominated was empty, as if the demons knew to stay away. If they listened they could hear people dying not far away. The stench of death perfumed the night. Connor sniffed the air looking at the building. "It smells like lightning."

"A by-product of the protection spell," Fred said, then chanted a series of words.

The invisible shell around the hotel turned a shimmering green and parted like a stage curtain. They found everyone in Wesley's office. Wes was bent over a thick tome that put a distinct odor of dust and mildew in the air. A thirty-something woman with long blonde hair sat next to him, equally involved with the text. Cordelia was curled up in a chair, a note pad on her knee. Loren seemed engrossed in his Seabreeze.

"You got it?" Wesley asked, seeing the bloody, tattered team.

Angel put the horn on the desk. "Got it."

Cordy got up, seeing Connor staring at her intently. "I'm glad you came back, sweetie."

He crossed over to her, putting a hand, rusty with blood, on her shoulder. His blue eyes had concern captured in them like a leaf in amber. "Dad said you were sick."

"I've felt better." She hugged him, feeling his trophy bandolier grind into her. He embraced her back, which was the best sign of forgiveness she had had from him.

"I don't know how to make you feel better. I've never been sick," he said, taking a step back, still in her arms but leaving a gap between their bodies like a bubble of protection.

Cordelia smiled. "That's sweet and it makes me feel a little better." She stroked his hair. "But you're wearing this gross thing again." She pointed at the bandolier.

He caressed it protectively. "Needed something that was mine."

"Connor." Angel waved him over to Wesley's desk, trying not to think about what Connor had just said and done. There was something off about looking to a string of demon parts as a security blanket. "I want you to meet Karan. Her sister and family were the ones the Beast killed. Karan, this is my son, the one we were telling you about."

Karan smiled wearily. "Hello, Connor."

  
Connor gave her a shy look that took Angel by surprise. It was nice to see an emotion other than sullen anger on his boy's face.  "I'm sorry about your family."

She rubbed a hand over her face as if trying to banish that pain. "Thank you."

"Karan, what do we need for this to work?" Angel asked.

"Wesley and I are working on the spell's translation." Karan gestured to the notepad where Cordelia had been scribbling down what they had rendered into English.  " Fred, we could use your help. We have to get this done so you and Wes can help me with the spell. I need some help gathering things to bless the horn and to weave in spells for protection, success, courage and strength." Karan nibbled her lip. "Might as well weave in some elements to help banish his evil, too."

"What do we need to get?" Angel asked.

"Yarrow, chili pepper, mistletoe, myrrh, nettle, cinnamon, dragon's blood, sage, High John the Conqueror and coffee. Hmmm, and how about a little Irish Moss for luck. You can find most of it around the kitchen and the rest you can get in just about any magic shop. There's probably a lot open for the looting at this point. I probably have it all at home."

"That might be too risky. Surely the Beast has some sort of demon watching the place, hoping you'll return," Wesley said and Karan nodded.

"And there's one more thing needed to charge the horn in order to make it work, vampire dust,' Karan said.

"That's easy." Connor smiled at Angel so coldly the vampire was put in mind of Bedlam asylum and a long stay in chains for his son. 

Angel glared in warning. "Connor and Faith can get you that, Karan, anything else?"

"Not in the way of supplies. What we need is a plan, especially for how to protect Wesley, Fred and I while we do the spell. Angel, I'm assuming you'll be wielding the horn as a weapon," Karan said. "We have to discover a way to find the Beast before he tracks us down. It's better if we set the ambush needless to say."

"Yeah, but how do we do that?" Gunn asked, then his eyes leveled on Connor. "It seems to show up wherever Connor is."

"Are you suggesting using my son as bait?" Angel asked, his eyes narrowing. He didn't know why he felt so protective of a son who hated him passionately but this was his blood and he'd defend it.

"I'm saying he already is, provided that's all he is," Gunn said.

Connor showed him his teeth, like a wolf ready to attack. "I'm not connected with this thing. It's shown up long before I was ever born. It's only interested in me because…." Connor wrinkled his nose. "I don't even know why. Maybe it thinks I'm a way to Angelus."

"Whatever the reason, the Beast does seem to home in on you, Connor and we can use that." Angel hated doing this. He knew Connor could handle himself but not against the Beast. Could he give up his child's life to save the world?

"It's another reason for you to stay here at home, with us," Cordelia said.

Connor shook his head violently. "No."

"Connor, sweetie, this isn't the time to be unreasonable," Cordelia said, taking his hand.

"He will be," Lorne put in. "He doesn't need to sing for me to see that."

"You don't even try to read me," Connor snarled, pulling free of Cordelia. "And I'm not staying here. This is a lousy place to fight."

"He's right," Faith said. "Too many rooms, not that this thing is big on hiding and sneak attacks but still. We'd want to try to take him on somewhere more open and where he doesn't have the option of pitching us off a high roof."

"And we need a safe base of operations. I'd rather not compromise the hotel more than it already has been," Angel said. "I agree with you, Connor.  You need to go. You have my cell phone. We'll use it like we talked about. Cordelia, show him how to use it."

"Okay." Cordelia looked at Connor. "You do have a safe place to stay?"

"You aren't with Anne, are you?" Faith asked. "I know I said you should go there but not if you're in the middle of a shit storm."

"No, I was afraid that the Beast would find me again so I decided not to stay there. I'm somewhere safe…only it's not a great place to fight either. I'll have to find something else," Connor said.

"How safe is where you are now?" Angel was just thrilled Connor was cooperating at all. He could see the exhaustion in the boy's eyes and that had to be making him snappier than normal.

"Safe enough but it's not like the Beast couldn't break in anywhere." Connor's nose wrinkled at that thought.

"You're tired. I can see it in your eyes. When's the last time you slept?" Angel asked.

Connor shrugged. "I don't know."

"Either sack out here once we're done with the plans for just an hour or two or go back to your new place. Once you've rested, you can move to a better place to lure the Beast to," Angel said, hoping that wasn't the wrong thing to do. Connor had a point though. No place was really very safe and his son was about to collapse from fatigue. The boy just nodded his consent.

"Why don't we leave Karan, Wes, Fred and Cordy to this translating business and the rest of us go somewhere else to talk out the plans?" Faith suggested.

No one needed to be told twice. Gunn and Lorne filed out of the room. Connor paused, looking at Cordelia intently.

Aware of his scrutiny, she asked, "Is something wrong, Connor?"

His eyes slotted. "I don't know. Something about you seems different."

"Just a little ill is all." Cordelia shot Angel a panicked look.

Connor saw it and rolled his eyes, misinterpreting it as her attentions being back with his father again. Angel tried to ignore it, wondering if Connor had actually picked up on something or if it was just Cordelia's unusually wan look. He knew Lorne sensed the pregnancy probably in the same manner he knew about the night of conception. Cordelia had told Fred and Faith this morning but the rest didn't know yet. He wished she hadn't told anyone but he could understand her need for some support in this tough spot. She and he had talked some more about it. He was half-expecting her to be looking to him to help her raise the child if she had it. Considering the resentful looks his son was giving him, Angel could imagine how badly that would go over. Once again, he tried to shove his personal life back into a dark corner and concentrate on the far more dire business at hand.


	12. Showdown

CHAPTER TWELVE

Hah, well, I ain't no good to no one no how, not right now  
'Cause I forgot to run myself and I got run down  
Do I look like something you can put in a fuckin' cage?!  
Come over here and gimme a kiss   
Yeah, I'm startin' to see  
Yeah, I do believe   
Better keep your distance   
From this tangled shape i'm in  
Now no one had better touch me right now   
In this cold-blooded thick skin  
Better, well, well  
Now I said you better run real fast   
When you hear that rattlin' sound  
Oh I said you better run real fast   
Or this one's gonna knock you down.

Rattlesnake Smile – Kane 

****

"I can't believe I told you where to find me," Connor groused, sparing a hostile look for the group outside the large doors of an abandoned church. Brilliant graffiti decorated the outside but somehow there was still an unsoiled, if stale, air of sanctity inside the building. The statuary was still inside the church, adding a forbidding, forlorn look to the solemn place. All things of value like candle holders, censors and chalices had either been stolen or taken when the church was closed.

"Cordelia had a vision. She saw the Beast attacking you in a church," Angel said. "We weren't sure if we could beat it here. At least you answered the phone." He looked around at the battered pews and the still intact stained glass. "This isn't much better than the hotel for fighting."

"It's downright creepy," Faith said, her lips pulling down into a scowl. "Why did you pick here to live?"

"Not too far from Anne's haven if she needed me. No one bothers with it and it's got a safe place to sleep." Connor pointed to the choral loft.

"When we get through this, Connor, we're going to talk about getting you a proper place to live," Angel said, thoughts inspired by Faith's concerns flooded his mind. Faith had shared her thoughts on Connor being a little too much like she had been at his age. Angel shared her fears. Connor had been 'sick,' as Cordelia and Lorne once put it, from the energies of Quor-toth. What if Cordy's fix was only temporary? What if his upbringing there had scarred him too badly? Or maybe he was just frightened and alone and that made him act out. Angel was hoping it was the latter. They could work through that.

"Do you want me to go? Lure it some place more open?" Connor asked.

"No," Karan said. "There is a  tremendous amount of energy in this building, positive energy. Prayer does tend to generate that. We can use it to protect ourselves from the Beast."

"Do you need to be close to the Beast for the spell to work, Karan, or can we hide you some place safer?" Angel asked.

"As much as I'd like to be elsewhere casting the spell, that's not going to work," she admitted, brushing back her long hair. "But we could try to at least take shelter in one of the side rooms."

"The sacristy," Wesley suggested, pointing to a room off the main room. He went around the altar and peered inside. "There's a sink but I doubt there's still running water."

"No lights, no water," Connor said.

"We won't need it. We can use the sink as a makeshift cauldron," Karan said. "Fred, why don't you and I get started on that."

Fred nodded and went into the sacristy carrying the bundle of twigs they had carted along for the spell casting. Wesley went with them to help ready the spell.

"What do we do now?" Connor turned back to his father.

"You, me, Faith and Gunn need to keep the Beast busy until the spell is cast. Karan said this will turn a deep red with it's ready." Angel shook the horn, which had been lashed to a long, slender piece of piping. The horn glittered greenish, which it hadn't done before. 

"What happened to it?" Connor gestured at it.

"The vampire dust added the first layer of spell or something like that." Angel shrugged. "When it goes red, this has to go in the Beast's head or heart."

"And that's your job? What if you fail?" Connor persisted. Angel frowned at the suggestion that he could fail. Faith just wagged her head.

"Then you try, or Faith or Gunn. Any of us should be able to do it. We just need to keep the Beast distracted without dying," Angel said.

"And Cordy's still sick?" Connor seemed distinctly unhappy about that.

Faith nodded. "She's at the hotel with Lorne."

"You left her there unprotected?" Connor snapped.

"Loren's there," Faith repeated.

Connor snorted. "He's useless. He's no good in a fight. All he does is drink and tell us junk we really don't need."

"Connor," Angel hissed in warning.

The boy subsided with a pout. "I don't like it."

"Neither do I." Angel patted Connor's back. "But we need our warriors here."

Connor rolled his eyes. "Okay."

"How many rooms are in this place, Connor?" Gunn glanced around trying to take stock of the potential battlefield.

"The one they just went in and there's one on the other side of the altar, too. Then there are those three little booths." Connor pointed at the confessionals off the sacristy. "The room behind the glass wall under the loft." He nodded back at the cry room. "And downstairs there's a big room the size of the church, like a meeting room and kitchen. There are bathrooms down there. There's a door downstairs, the doors you came through plus a door off either room by the altar. I've barricaded them all but the main doors. I'm not sure that would stop the Beast. It was more to keep others out."

Angel nodded. "We all stay here then. There's not enough of us to cover everyplace and it's not likely the Beast will enter quietly." He looked at his son. "A church? Surely there were better places, Connor."

The boy shrugged. "I've said why. And maybe…I was wondering if the Beast could get in here. Or you for that matter," Connor said sharply and Angel cast an uneasy eye at the larger than life crucifix still hanging behind the altar. "Or the bastard son of two demons. I thought maybe I'd just burn up coming in here. Father used to read to me from the Bible but I've never seen a real church. I always wanted to go but I was afraid. I didn't have a place there. I mean, I might be part demon, too."

Angel saw the sadness in his son's eyes. He hated that his son considered himself in part demonic but he also knew it might be the truth. He touched Connor's cheek and felt him flinch. "You have a place and when this is over we can explore that."

Connor just eyed him suspiciously then his head snapped around facing the front of the church.

"What is it?" Gunn asked, knowing that look.

"It's coming," Connor said and Angel nodded. 

"Wes, Fred, Karan, it's near," Faith called.

"I can feel it," Karan called back. A pungent smoke wafted out of the sacristy as she heaped herbs onto the fire.

A loud knock sounded at the front doors. They all stared at each other, marveling over the fact that the demon would knock and think one of them would be foolish enough to answer the door.

"I know you don't have to invite this thing in like a vampire," Gunn said. "It's gotten into too many places for that."

"Maybe it just thinks we're stupid." Faith shrugged, tossing her hair.

When a second knock didn't lure anyone over to the doors, they crashed down with a bang that reverberated through the church. Chanting started in the sacristy barely loud enough to be heard. Faith, Angel, Gunn and Connor separated, lining up along the altar railing of brass-toned iron and marble. The Beast clomped in, the red lines suggesting lava rock seeming brighter than their last visit, as if it had been drawing energy from somewhere. Angel was reminded of the last thing Angelus had offered up, the Beast was a minion and they still didn't know whose. 

It managed something close to a smile. "Angelus, still not interested in taking me up on my offer to rule in the darkness?"

"Wasn't interested two hundred years ago and I'm still not," Angel said, charging the demon. He knew he couldn't hurt it yet. The spear was slung around his back. He was depending on a claymore for this attack, only hoping the sword didn't break immediately. Connor had told him how he lost a sword on his first strike once already. The claymore bounced off the creature's hard skin and the Beast batted Angel away.

"Is that a priestess I hear?" The demon chuckled. "I know how to kill them now." It started up the aisle toward the sacristy.

Gunn shouldered the sawed-off shotgun he had acquired, taking aim at the Beast's face. The blast hit it squarely, ricocheting shot all over the church. The demon grunted in pain as the soft bits of its eyes were punctured. Red gel oozed down his face but the orbs seemed to seal immediately. Faith and Connor charged it together while it was stunned. Faith's blade shattered on the Beast's chest and it caught her with one hand. Using the other, it turned Connor's momentum against him and catapulted him up against the choir loft.  Connor's back and head took the brunt, hitting the wood so hard it split. He slithered down it and fell several feet to the floor.

"Connor!" Angel screamed, picking himself up from the pew he had been tossed into. Connor lay motionless, moaning softly.

"I can't get another shot off without hitting Faith," Gunn said, trying to find an angle for his shotgun.

Faith managed to snag one of her stakes and rammed it straight into the Beast's vulnerable eye. Howling, it flung her half way to the altar before clawing the stake free. As with the buckshot, the stake's wound seemed only temporary. Lights flickered from the sacristy as the chanting grew louder. Sharp, bitter smoke boiled out of it.

The Beast started for the sacristy again. Gunn, tossing aside the shotgun, slammed it with his axe. Sparks flew and the creature backhanded him away like a fly. Gunn's head thumped against a pew, leaving him dazed. Seeing Connor getting back to his feet, Angel swung his claymore at the demon. The Beast turned faster than he thought possible for its size, catching the blade with a horn, yanking it free of Angel's hands. The Beast caught the vampire's arms and started pulling as if it were making a Thanksgiving wish. Faith, armed with a heavy statue of the Christ child, used it like a battering ram to the back of the Beast's head. It shattered, raining plaster down to the tiled floor. The demon let go of one of Angel's arms so he could land a punch to Faith's midriff.

"Dad, jump!"

Hearing his son's command, Angel leapt up, his still captured arm twisting painfully at the shoulder as he wrapped his legs around the Beast's neck. Connor, belly down on the slick tile, slid into the space Angel had been standing in, one of the kneelers clutched in his hands. He crashed into the Beast's hoofed feet with it, taking advantage of the creature's rather unwieldy stance. Unbalanced, the Beast went down, losing his hold on Angel who vaulted over him but couldn't catch his balance to land well. He flattened Connor, who had managed to roll out of the Beast's crash site.

"Get off me! You're heavy," Connor screamed, trying to wiggle free. Angel twisted off of him and gave him a hand up.

"Are they almost done with that spell?" Faith asked, helping Gunn to his feet. The young man swayed, still groggy.

Angel peered over his shoulder at the horn and shook his head. He looked for something beat on the Beast with while it was down. Crushing it with a pew sounded satisfying but he didn't want piles of splintered wood for a handy weapon for the Beast. He spotted his claymore and raced for it while Connor whaled on the demon with the kneeler. Faith took Gunn's axe, hacking at the creature. All three weapons ended up shattered without making much of a dent in the Beast's stony hide.

The Beast slammed his hands down on the tiled floor and fire blazed out of them. The old, dried wood of the pews caught fire almost immediately. Angel, Connor and Faith fell back, frantically trying to get away from the flames.

Gunn yelled towards the sacristy. "Hurry it up. He's set the place on fire."

The demon rumbled with laughter again. "I was only expecting your spawn, Angelus. There are those who would give anything to have him. But it's more fun with all of you. It makes my work easier. How did you know I'd be here?" it asked, turning towards the sacristy once more. "Did your seer tell you? I guess my little welcoming party hasn't gotten to her yet."

"Cordy," Connor whispered.

"Ignore him, son. He's trying to rattle you," Angel said, hoping that was the truth. He grabbed part of the altar railing and tore it free from its moorings. He slammed it against the beast, trying to bear it backwards. Faith helped him. 

The Beast took hold of the metal and used it to sling vampire and Slayer back towards the cry room. Gunn found his shotgun again and emptied the remaining shell without much damage being done. He knew better than to charge the Beast so he circled away as best he could. Connor ran for the altar and leapt up onto the hanging crucifix. As Angel and Faith tried to scramble back to the Beast, Connor grabbed the chain holding one side of the huge crucifix up and pulled. It gave way as the Beast came to a halt at the sacristy door. The crucifix swung out away from the wall, Connor still standing on it. The beast didn't notice, too intent on what was happening in the sacristy.  Connor could hear the voices still raised in chant. He could feel the power building inside. It made his hair stand on end.

"Priestess,  there'll be no banishing me this time," the Beast promised.

Connor pulled the remaining chain free, kicking away from the wall violently. He rode crucifix down. It crashed into the Beast, the sheer weight and velocity bearing the demon to the floor. Connor tucked and rolled away from it. The chanting stopped and the only sounds where that of the fire consuming the church and that of Faith and Gunn coughing. Thick smoke was filling the place.

"You're right, demon, there'll be no banishing," Wesley said, stepping from the sacristy. "Now Angel."

Angel tore the spear off his back. The horn blazed red. As the Beast fought free of the crucifix, Angel jumped on the cross, feeling the touch of it interacting with him. He figured it took either a foolhardy vampire or a stupid one to stand on a nine-foot cross but that gave him the best advantage for stabbing the Beast. Maybe the big crucifix wouldn't hurt him, at least not much. He shoved the horn deep into the Beast. The natural blade slipped in like a stick through marshmallow. The Beast shrieked and managed to buck Angel off. It clawed wildly at its back, trying to get the spear free. Faith and Connor both got their hands around the spear and propelled it all the way through into the floorboards. The Beast exploded in a shower of rock and something like lava. Faith and Connor both howled, pelted with the stuff. Their clothing caught fire. Faith yanked her jacket off, beating the flames out of her hair. Angel suffered a similar fate, his duster almost a total loss. Wesley knocked Connor down, rolling him over to extinguish his clothing. 

"We have to get the hell out of here," Gunn said.

"No, first we have to get the mystical parts of the Ratet that the Beast stole," Karan said. "We need them to reverse the spell. It's not doing it on its own. I can feel it. Nothing's changed." She started scrabbling through the bits of the Beast's body, which still smoldered.

They quickly came up with the orb and metal winged parts along with a strange knife the Beast had with it. They fled the burning church but couldn't run too far between the beating they had taken and smoke inhalation.

"My home burned down again," Connor said quietly, watching as fire started licking along the high peaked roof of the church. He clutched his bandolier, which he somehow managed not to lose.

"Tonight the hotel's home," Angel said wearily, looking up at the sky. "You're right. It's still night, though I think it actually is supposed to be."

"I think we can reverse it with these." Karan patted the orb she held then looked at it oddly. "Wait, they've changed. From what I've read and the stories told through the centuries, these should have had Egyptian writing on it but they don't. It's something older."

Wesley peered at them. "It looks Sumerian."

"Can you read Sumerian?" Gunn asked doubtfully.

Wesley shook his head. "Not too well but maybe enough to translate this."

"It's not exactly Sumerian either," Karan said, "It's not quite that old but close. It's the language the priestesses use in our rites. From what I see here, this has been touched, intentionally or not, by the thing controlling the Beast. We have to translate this and find out what that is."

"I can't help with stuff like that," Connor said. "I have to be sure Cordelia's okay." He took off down the street.

"Connor, wait for us," Angel called but his son didn't stop. He took a few steps after him then halted. He didn't have the luxury of just racing off. "Gunn, take your truck and head back. Make sure Cordy's okay."

"I'm not sure I'm good to drive. I'm still seeing double from that shot to the head." He glanced over at Fred. "Maybe you should drive."

"I probably ought to help translate," she said without thinking then frowned, seeing Gunn's hostile look.

  
Wesley noted it, too. "It's all right, Fred. Karan is the only one who has a real shot at translating it correctly. Make sure Cordelia's okay. Maybe you ought to drop Gunn off at one of the hospitals that's still open."

"I don't need that," he said. "But I'd appreciate the ride home."

"Of course, Charles." Fred took his hand and led him off towards his truck.

"Maybe we shouldn't just stand here by a big fire," Faith said, her head whipping around toward the church hearing the glass exploding. There were no sirens yet. Were there any firemen left? "Just in case anyone does show up to put it out."

"You're probably right. You two can translate that in the car," Angel said, leading the way to his GTX.

  
He drove a few blocks away to a deserted mall that still had decent flood lighting. Wesley and Karan huddled over the items in the back seat of the car. Faith looked in the rear view mirror, trying to see how badly her face was burned.

"If I'm reading this right, the Beast was somehow marked by the oldest evil and it permeated everything the Beast had, like these holy items," Karan said.

"The First Evil?" Angel twisted to look over the seat at them. "Are you sure?"

"You know of it?" Karan asked, surprise written boldly on her tired face.

Angel's eyes narrowed, an involuntary shudder racing through him. "It tried to turn me back into Angelus once. I guess it was looking for something evil to help it in this world." Angel scrubbed a hand through his thick, soot-coated hair causing a fall of ash to his shoulders.  "Buffy, the Slayer, helped save me. She's fighting it again now. That's why she couldn't be here to help with the Beast."

"The First Evil was keeping her there and the Beast kept you here, sounds like a good way to divide and conquer." Faith kicked the floorboards of the GTX.

"Too good," Angel said, his face going grim.

"And it makes sense. When you contacted Buffy, she told you about the Ubervampire. If the First was trying to make an army of the oldest of demon kind, it's hindered by sunlight. Many of them cannot withstand it," Wesley said, a glimmer of hope in his voice.

"And the Beast was to plunge the world into darkness, making it ready for conquer. The demons want their world back like it was in the beginning." Angel ran a finger over his steering wheel.

"Only we stopped the spell before it spread," Faith said proudly. "Now can we reverse it?"

Karan nodded. "We can. And I think this might just be what's needed to destroy the First Evil." Karan passed the knife up to Angel. "It feels like it was crafted from the Beast's very tissues. You need to get that to the other Slayer."

"It's at least a two hour drive. I should take you two back to the hotel to stop the spell first." Angel started the car.

"No need to drive. We can teleport this there. We just have to let them know to expect it and what to do with it," Karan said.

"I have my cell phone. We can only hope someone's home. Do you still know her number, Angel?" Wesley said, digging out his phone. Faith rolled her eyes at the mere suggestion Angel would have forgotten anything about Buffy.

Angel nodded and took it from him.

"And to undo the spell I need to be outside, somewhere clean and pure," Karan said.

"This is L.A. I don't think we have a place like that." Faith shrugged.

"The ocean will do." Karan smiled wryly.

Angel looked at the priestess. "Is it a mere matter of plunging this dagger into the First Evil? Will it kill it?"

"The First Evil really can't be killed," Wesley said.

"He's right but this will banish it. There is a spell they'll need to know," Karan said.

"Willow and Giles can help with that. I'll call. You fill them in," Angel said, hoping he'd be lucky enough to find someone home.   
  



	13. Shattered

Author's Note – Thanks to everyone giving me feedback. I appreciate it. There will be character death in this chapter.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Well I guess   
You took my youth  
I gave it all away  
Like the birth of a   
New-found joy  
This love would end in rage  
And when she died  
I couldn't cry  
The pride within my soul  
You left me incomplete  
All alone as the  
Memories now unfold.  
  
Believe the word  
I will unlock my door  
And pass the   
Cemetery Gates

Cemetery Gates – Pantera 

Angel watched Wesley and Karan working the spell at the water's edge. Faith perched on the GTX's trunk, keeping a vigilant eye out. Neither of them expected any demon activity. The area was too deserted to be of interest. The scent of L.A. burning seemed less here, overpowered by salt and fish. Still, that was a clean smell by comparison to the city. A soft breeze lathed the sand.

 Buffy had been home when he called to tell her about the First Evil and he couldn't ever remember hearing so much tension in her voice, nor heard her so self-centered and rude, not only to him but to those in her home for whom she kept breaking off their conversation to snap at. She explained that she had a home full of Potential Slayers that she, Giles and Spike were trying to train and keep safe. He didn't even ask why Spike was there, trusting there was a good reason for it. He told her how to use the demon knife to destroy the First Evil's ability to manifest in this realm. He stayed on the line until Karan teleported the knife and Buffy confirmed she had received it.

Karen then called the high priestess of all the sects of S'Vear to double check the spell to reverse the constant night. During the course of that conversation the high priestess revealed more knowledge about the First Evil. It made perfect sense to Angel. He remembered what it was like to be under its control. He called Buffy again and got Giles and Willow on the phone, both colder and more self-centered than he knew was usual for them to the point of nearly brushing him off so they could get back to some petty squabble about Willow and one of the Potentials, Kennedy. Or at least that was what he assumed from what he could piece together. He hurriedly explained that it was like a psychic poisoning from the First Evil's presence. When he had been enthralled almost no one could break though his armor of self-absorption and 'no one knows suffering like me.' He tried to explain to them that their anger and short tempers were all part of it and they needed to stop in-fighting and caring only about themselves if they wanted to beat the First Evil. It went over like the proverbial lead balloon but now their anger was directed at him and he could utilize that. 

 Karan and Wes offered a few spells and herbs to help ameliorate the worst of their symptoms. Through the sniping and honest listening, Willow let slip how bad it was; how Buffy had been more concerned about Spike's cut lip than Xander's gut wound; how she herself had stolen energy from her friends without permission or remorse. He tried to reassure her that it was all because of the influence of the First Evil. For their sake, he hoped he was right. Buffy caring more for the undead than a potentially mortally wounded friend was simply wrong and that had to be from some outside influence. She couldn't be that changed, could she?

"I should have went with Gunn and Fred," Faith said, breaking into his thoughts.

"We need you here just in case. We have to protect Wes and Karan. Reversing this spell is the most important thing," Angel replied, distractedly.

"Even if it costs Cordelia her life?" Faith asked, examining a burn on her arm.

"The good of the many and all that," Angel said unhappily. "This has to be undone. Connor will get to the hotel quickly, and Gunn and Fred. It'll have to be enough."

Faith nodded. "I don't think I ever got this 'whole world is depending on me stuff' before. I just thought it was Buffy being a tight ass." She shrugged, suggesting she still felt that way a little. "It's a strange feeling."

Angel scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Always is."

Faith slid off the trunk as Karan and Wesley trudged up the sand. "Did it work?"

Wesley smiled. "We believe so."

The tension drained out of Angel. "Wonderful. We should get back to the hotel."

"Please, take me to my home. I still have my family to bury and I want to join the sisterhood up in San Fran," Karan said, sagging against the car. Even that seemed like a supreme effort.

"Are you certain that's safe?" Wesley asked.

"I'm not entirely defenseless. I'll be fine on my own," Karan said but the exhaustion in her eyes made it less convincing.

"We'll take you home. Thank you," Angel said. 

"I'm just glad we were able to stop this. If only so much death hadn't already occurred," Karan replied, looking towards the city. She nearly collapsed. Angel caught her and put her in the car.

"At least this is an end to it," Wesley said, brushing at his soot-choked hair.

"We hope," Faith put in, climbing back into the car.

*                                                                      *                                                          *

Connor panted hard as he stumbled to a halt in front of the hotel. His muscles trembled from exertion. His burns hurt and his whole body throbbed from the battering the Beast had inflicted. On the way he coughed up too much soot-streaked gunk from his lungs for his own peace of mind. He had avoided several lone vampires on his way. It bothered him to do so but he couldn't lose time. Cordelia could be in trouble. He might still feel angry and hurt but he didn't want anything bad to happen to her. Despite what she had done to him recently, he still loved her. He looked at the hotel. It was too quiet. The streets were empty and it made him nervous.

Connor tried to bound up the steps and was promptly repelled. Cursing, he rolled to his feet. He had forgotten the protective spell. Connor struggled to bring the words Fred taught him to mind. He managed it and passed through. When he got inside, Cordelia was sitting at her desk with one of the weapons he had brought from Quor-Toth, the stake launcher in her hands. She seemed to be trying to figure out how it worked.

She looked up at him, taking in his burnt, bloody clothing as she swung out from behind the desk. "You failed." Her tone was odd, flat and devoid of emotion. She didn't seem worried and Connor couldn't understand how she could possible not be.

"No, we won." Connor went over to her, gently taking her hand. "The Beast is gone."

A strange look flickered over her face then she got up and gingerly hugged him. "Thank God."

"Has anyone tried to get in? The Beast said he was sending something to kill you," Connor said, glancing around the hotel lobby, even though he knew nothing had gotten past the protective spell.

Cordelia made a dismissive nose as if annoyed by his fretting. "Nothing's happened. It's been too quiet."

Connor nodded, pleased, then remembered who should be here and wasn't. "Is the green thing here?"

"Don't say things like that about your Uncle Lorne, Connor," Cordelia said and saw him scowled viciously. She gave him a look like a mother scolding a petulant child.  "He's upstairs resting."

"You should be, too." Connor stroked her arm. 

She moved back a step. "I'm fine…well, maybe not fine but I couldn't sleep, not knowing you all were out there fighting."

Connor frowned. Couldn't he even give her comfort any more? What had he done that was so wrong, that made her this mad at him? "Is that why you were trying to make that work?" Connor pointed to the launcher. "It's too heavy for you and it takes practice. I wondered where it was. Fred probably had it. She likes to play with weaponry. Is my axe still here?"

"You mean that blade on an arm-cuff thing? It's in that big box at the bottom of the closet. Fred did have it locked away. I don't think she wanted you to have them." Cordelia waved a hand at the weapons cabinet. Connor judged from her tone she agreed with Fred.

Connor frowned. "They're mine." He went and retrieved his blade, admiring the bronze-toned metal. He had missed his weapons.

"Where is Angel? Was anyone hurt?" Cordelia seemed almost hopeful at that. Connor turned at the out of place note of happiness and she quickly molded her face into one of concern.

Connor came back over to her. "We all got a little beat up but not too bad. The spell didn't automatically reverse like they thought it would. They're working on that now. I came here to make sure you're all right."

"So you abandoned them?" A horrified look flickered across Cordelia's bloated face.

Connor stared at her, not understanding the reproach in her tone. He couldn't follow how fast her emotions changed and he wasn't used to her criticizing him like this. "No. They're all together and they're fine. Someone had to make sure the Beast didn't send assassins after you. I can't help with spells so I ran here to make sure you were all right."

Cordelia ran a hand along the soft curve of his cheek. He leaned into it like a cat pushing into a soothing pat. "Did Angel send you?"

"No, but he would have sent someone." Connor shrugged expressively.

"Connor, you just can't run off on your own all the time. You have to be more responsible," Cordelia asked, poking his shoulder with a finger. It made his burns hurt.  "You're not a child, so don't act like it."

He batted her hand away. "Don't poke me. And don't tell me what to do. One minute you tell me I am a kid the next you tell me to grow up. You're not my mom, Cordy. You never were, so stop acting like it."

She picked up the stake launcher, nudging him with it. "You have no idea about what you and I used to be to each other. I don't think it's much to ask you too act like an adult."

Connor yanked his weapon away from her and returned it to the closet, trying to give himself time to cool down.  He could taste anger rising like bile in the back of his throat. How dare she accuse him of acting childish? "Cordy, I am acting like an adult. I came here to use my best talent, my fighting abilities. I'm where I was needed more. We had no way of knowing that you were safe. I should call Dad now and let him know."

"Yeah, do that." Cordelia made no effort to hand him the phone.  She gestured at his bandolier. "And get rid of that nasty thing you have around your neck. I hate seeing it."

Connor stroked the bandolier, considering arguing, but he pulled it off and put it with his stake launcher. From his pocket he took out a hunk of the Beast's horn that he had scavenged when they were digging through its corpse bits looking for parts of the Ratet and put it with the bandolier. "Happy now?" he asked sharply.

"No, I'd be happier if you'd act like part of the team," Cordelia shot back, tossing her hair like she still had a long luxurious mane.

Connor rolled his eyes, sighing heavily. "Can't we just drop it? I came here thinking you needed help."

"You can't come riding to my rescue, Connor. I don't need it." Cordelia got so close to him he could feel her breath on his sensitive, burnt skin. "It doesn't impress me. It's over between us, you have to understand that."

"I get it, Cordy. That's not why I'm here." Connor glared at her. "Faith was right. You are a bitch."

Cordelia slapped him hard enough to split his lip. Connor fell back a step, stunned. He wiped his bleeding mouth. 

"Never call me that," she said, her hand cocking back ready to deliver another blow.

  
"Don't hit me," he said softly, shocked and hurt.

She slapped him again. "And that's for agreeing with Faith."  
  


"I said don't hit me," he yelled this time then took a few deep breaths trying to puzzle things out.  He couldn't wrap his mind around her anger. She seemed to hate him suddenly. Cordelia had never been so mean, not to anyone. Something was wrong. "Why did you do it, Cordy? Why did you make love to me at all?"

Cordelia laughed bitterly. "That wasn't making love, Connor. It was a pity fuck." Her dark eyes sliced into him. A strange, whitish glow seemed to radiate from them.

Connor took another wary step back. He remembered her glowing like this before right before she sapped all the strength from him when he tried to stab her. How could she say something like that to him? Pity? The words felt like a knife across the hamstrings. His legs nearly went out from under him. His throat felt tight, almost painful, as tears streaked down his face. "That's not true."

Cordelia shrugged, her glow brightening. Her body tensed, seeming more menacing then should have been possible. "Maybe not entirely. It was the best way to stir things up around here so no one could concentrate. That's what the boss wanted."

"What are you talking about?" Connor felt like he'd been dipped in ice water. He realized he had been used horribly, that the love he still had for her was wasted.

"The Beast was working for someone." Cordelia smiled shark-like, chilling Connor. "So am I. You weren't supposed to win tonight. I would have been there to help make sure you didn't but something happened that the First Evil didn't count on. Guess the demon in me wasn't enough to keep something like you from taking root."

Connor shook his head. "I don't understand. Cordy…you can't be…you betrayed us?"

She snorted, her glow flickering on and off like a dying light bulb. "Like it was hard to do. One good roll in the hay timed just right so dear old Dad could see, easy enough when you're a seer. Except this thing growing inside me made me too sick to help. There isn't anyone around just now to help me get rid of it so I couldn't be there for the big fight."

"You'd kill us?" Connor barely managed to rasp the words out. He stumbled back, feeling like the floor was tilting out from under him.

"Killing you all would be hard. The human part of Cordy is fighting me. She was so arrogant when she allowed them to make her part demon. Like this team couldn't make do without her visions. She thought she could control the demon. She was so wrong. Now she's trapped inside here with me." Cordelia grinned broadly. "Maybe that's why I couldn't stake Angel when I was crying on his shoulder. That's what I wanted to do, that's why I was boo-hooing in the first place. It would have been perfect. Angel would have been dust. You were still hiding out. They'd have blamed you and the group would have shattered."

Connor edged slowly toward the weapon's cabinet, hoping to get to a taser. He didn't want to have to hurt her. Once Dad got home they'd figure a way to separate the demon out of Cordy so they could have her back. She hadn't completely betrayed them yet and if he could keep her from doing it, everything could be made right again. "Did you kill Lorne?"

She cocked her head. "I was too sick to do it right so I slipped him some sleeping pills and sent him upstairs. I figured I could handle the others once they got home. I don't know if it's the illness or the human bitch in me fighting but I can't even work up a good glow and kick your ass." She reached down and pulled a knife out of her boot. "So I guess I'll do this the old-fashioned way; cut out your heart, drop the shields around the hotel and tell them the Beast's minions got you."

"Cordy, drop the knife." Connor eyed the blade wildly. He dropped into a defensive stance against an attack he couldn't even imagine happening.

Cordelia charged him. He easily sidestepped her thrust and he shoved her back. With a startled cry, Cordelia lost her balance and her head hit the edge of the desk with a sharp crack. She slumped to the floor, a halo of red spreading out around her head. The knife skittered under the desk. 

"Cordy, get up," Connor whispered, feeling his legs nearly giving out. He knelt by her side, gently touching her face. "Wake up, Cordy. It'll be okay now. We'll help you." Connor gulped, feeling the fear welling up inside him. He couldn't hear her heart beat. She wasn't breathing. "Cordy, baby, wake up."

"What is going on down there?" Lorne called, rushing down the stairs. "All this screaming woke me…up." He stopped in his tracks, staring at Connor kneeling over Cordelia's body.

He looked up at Lorne, tears coursing down his dirty, burnt face. "She won't wake up. I didn't mean to push her that hard."

"What did you do, you little beast?" Lorne raced over. "Cordy, sweetie-muffin, I'll get…" Lorne swallowed hard, seeing the blood puddling under her head. "You murdered her."

"No." Connor sobbed, trying to lift Cordy into his arms. "She's not dead. She can't be."

"You killed her," Lorne insisted, his voice little more than a harsh hiss.  

"No…I was just trying to stop her. She fell and hit her head. I didn't mean it." Connor buried his face against her shoulder. 

"I warned them never to turn their backs on you. They should have listened to me." Lorne darted for the open weapons cabinet. "You'll pay for this. They should have sent you back to the hell you came from, you heartless monster."

"I didn't mean to hurt her." Connor gently laid Cordelia back down, stroking her blood soaked hair. She was alive and beautiful. He could see her glowing. The whole room seemed filled with light and the scent of roses. He could hear birds singing to her. He had to protect her.

"Liar." The sound of Lorne's voice darkened the room, took the life back away from Cordelia. Connor jumped to his feet, grabbing his bracer-axe.

Lorne snared a crossbow from the cabinet and shot at Connor. Using his axe, Connor slapped the bolt away. He crossed the distance to Lorne in one smooth jump. With one swipe of the axe, he took Lorne's head straight off his shoulders. Sliding the bracer-axe over his forearm, strapping it into place, Connor went back to Cordelia, crying so hard he couldn't see.

He fell at her side, lifting her. He willed her to live again, for the light to return. Nothing happened but a dull hum like bees inside his brain started overwhelming him.  He cradled her to his chest, rocking her back and forth. The word 'sorry,' spilled from his lips in a never-ending chant to accompany his motion. He didn't even notice the front door opening.

"I can't believe that gang of vampires thought to use stop sticks to catch their prey," Gunn groused as he and Fred came into the hotel.

"I never thought we'd live long enough to run all the way here," Fred said wearily. "Cordy, are you… oh God." She dropped the spell books, seeing Connor holding Cordelia and Lorne's head off in a corner minus his body. "The Beast's minions made it through."

"No." Gunn gestured back at the front door and the spell wall beyond it.  His eyes widened with realization. Gunn tasted vomit in the back of his throat. It was like reliving Alonna's death. Guilt for ever starting to trust Connor again overwhelmed him.  "The spell was intact. Look at Connor's axe. It's bloody."

"Connor," Fred said, taking a step closer to Gunn. She nearly fell, she shook so hard. She could barely speak. "What did you do?"

Connor looked at them, still rocking Cordelia. "I forgot how strong I am. I didn't meant to push her so hard.  I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix this," Fred said. She knew the look in Connor's eyes. She recognized sanity gone walkabout, having seen it many times in the human 'cows' in Pylea.

"And it doesn't explain why Lorne's head is half way across the room from his body, you little bastard." Gunn reached for his axe then remembered it was gone. He had had some spare weapons in the truck but they had used all their stakes and crossbow bolts on the way home. He raced for the cabinet.  He made it before Connor could put down Cordelia and come after him. He slid a sword along the floor to Fred and took one down for himself.

Gunn didn't wait for Connor to explain himself. He saw the look in the boy's eyes, watched what sanity he had just moments ago draining away. He saw that something had died inside Connor, leaving nothing but unfocused rage. The boy growled like a feral thing. "Get him from behind, Fred," he screamed, swinging on Connor.

Connor leapt over the blade and kicked Gunn in the face. As he went down, Connor whirled and grabbed Fred's sword arm, snapping it like a twig. She shrilled as he shoved her off him. Gunn got up, bleeding heavily from his nose. His swing grazed Connor's side. The boy grunted, falling back.

"You hurt her," Gunn growled, swinging again.

This time Connor sidestepped and back swung with the bracer-axe. It cut through Gunn's sword arm. Gunn made a high-pitched animal noise as his hand, still clutching the sword, came free of his body in a bloody spray. Gunn hit his knees, vomiting.

"Charles!" Fred shrieked, fear rooting her to the flooring. The scent of terror made Connor smile widely, completing the mask of insanity he wore.

Connor hauled Gunn up with a hand under his chin. Blood from Gunn's flailing handless arm fountained in Connor's face. All he saw was red. He tried to tell what sort of demon this was. He could hear their cries thundering in his ears. He could smell Quor-Toth in the air.  The sky roiled red, another storm was coming and these two strange demons had appeared from it. They called him Connor. Who was that? Where was Father? Had they hurt him? He didn't know. He couldn't even tell where he was. Was he in the caves of Anrel? 

It didn't matter. The important thing was these beings were trying to kill him. He had to stop them. He slashed wildly with his arm, the blade on it biting into flesh again and again. The stronger of his attackers lay before him in pieces. He knew it was dead even as he kept hacking at it. He felt its blood and flesh hitting him.

Feeling someone coming up behind him, he whirled, his blade catching on the silver claw of the female creature. It snapped away. He heard her saying that strange name, again and again, pleading with him to stop. She was crying, telling him how she had loved him like a brother, asking him how he could do this. Some demons were like that, they could get into your mind and make you think they were your friends. Connor didn't even recognize Fred as he dismembered her. He needed to be sure she couldn't regenerate. Some demons could, after all. He tossed her organs to the Etuzzas he and Father kept as 'guard dogs.'

Soaked with blood –it ran in riverlets down his chest and over his face to drip from his chin -  Connor limped over to Cordelia. Scent told him this was his mate. The fact that he hadn't had a mate in hell couldn't penetrate the maelstrom of madness raging inside him. Something had killed his mate, probably the demons he had just destroyed. He curled up around her, protectively, listening to the chewing of the Etuzzas as they devoured the treats he had given them. He heard Cordelia calling from a distance. It seemed so beautiful where she was, so soft and warm. He followed her in his mind, leaving conscious thought far behind.


	14. Horror

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

_No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes ___

_No one knows what it's like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To telling only lies _

_But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be _

_I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free_

**_Behind Blue Eyes – The Who_**

"Home sweet home," Faith said as the GTX pulled up to the Hyperion.

Angel smiled. "I'm glad you think of it that way."

"I don't see Gunn's truck," Wesley said, glancing around the street. No signs of life could be seen.

"Damn." Angel climbed out of the car. "Is the shield still intact?"

Wesley chanted the opening spell and the shield parted. "Yes."

"It's too quiet," Faith said, sliding the knife out of her jacket. She, like the others, had restocked out of the cache in Angel's trunk.

Angel and Wes did likewise. Angel's nostrils flared. "I smell blood."

He heard his companions teeth grind as they tensed. They entered the hotel cautiously. All weapons dropped from the offensive positions as their handlers took in the scene played out around them. Blood covered the floor like a twisted reflecting pool. The walls looked like a Pollock painting in sanguine. Pieces of Fred and Gunn commingled in a pile like the cast offs of a slaughterhouse. Connor lay twined around Cordelia near the reception desk. Lorne's body rested by the weapon's cabinet but his head lay several feet away outside the pond of gore.

Angel heard Wesley gagging and Faith's breathing accelerating. He put his hands out keeping his friends behind him as he crept forward.

"The Beast's minions killed them all," Faith said. She had killed before but this was too much. She didn't even know her knees had gone out until her backside hit flooring.

"No," Angel corrected, his eyes still scanning for the enemy. "Connor's alive. I can hear him breathing."

"Fred, oh, God, Fred," Wesley murmured then raced for the front door. He didn't make it. What little was in his stomach emptied itself. He sank to all fours as the retching worked into a vicious circle he couldn't break.

Angel wanted to comfort them but he couldn't not until he knew how badly his son was hurt. Angel cautious picked his way over to where Connor lay with Cordy in his arms. He gently eased Connor away, rolling his son to his back. Connor's arm with the axe blade lashed to it flopped limply, the axe resounding as it hit the floor. That sound got Faith and Wesley's attention. Wesley managed to stop vomiting. Angel stared at his child, sinking to his knees in shock. Amidst the blood coating his face, Connor's blue eyes were wide open and staring unfocused. His breath hissed in and out of his parted lips. 

"What's wrong with him? What did they do to him?" Faith asked, her voice tight. She fought to get to her feet.

"Look at his axe," Wesley said, pointing at the metal splattered with blood and bits of tissue clinging to it. "Connor did this."

"No," Angel whispered, drawing his son to his chest. Connor felt as liquid as a relaxed cat. 

"No way. He came here to save Cordy," Faith argued, getting in Wes' face. "He couldn't have done this."

"Damn you, Connor." Angel stood up, taking his son with him. Connor's head flopped back like a marionette with cut strings. "What in the hell did you do?"

"Angel…he couldn't," Faith whispered.

"Answer me, Connor, what did you do?" Angel shook his son even though he knew Connor was beyond answering. His son's limbs flailed and flapped as he shook him. Rag dolls had more substance. "Why, Connor? Why?" He screamed, slapping Connor's face with one hand. Connor's head jerked back but there was no conscious reaction to the blow. "How could you do this?" Angel let Connor go. His son toppled over outside the ring of blood. Connor made no attempts to stop his fall. He didn't cry out when he hit the floor and he laid there, his legs twisted under him, the same expression on his face as when they came in. "What did you do?

"It couldn't have been him, Angel. He didn't do this," Faith insisted. She had very quickly come to like Connor. He was one of the easiest friends she had ever made. One of the few men she trusted at first sight. He couldn't have committed such horror.

"He did," a new voice said.

Faith stumbled back with a shocked cry as Lorne's eyes opened and his severed head spoke. Her hand slammed over her mouth. "Sorry. Hell, that scared me."

"Help me," Lorne demanded.

Wesley picked up the head and returned it to Lorne's body. Angel collapsed beside his son, all the anger draining out of him. He felt sick as he straightened Connor's legs out from the pretzel they were in from the fall. The desire to punish his son fled as compassion filled him. He knew the price Connor had already paid for what he did. He could see it in his child's vacant eyes. He barely noticed what Wesley was doing for Lorne. Suddenly the only thing that mattered was the fragile life in front of him. Angel stroked his son's gory face, getting no reaction beyond some blinking. "Talk to me, Connor. Please, son, say something," Angel begged but his son's completely limp condition didn't change. " You have to be in there, Connor."

"Faith, could you give me a hand helping Lorne to the couch?" Wesley asked.

Faith helped him all but drag Lorne there.

"He's gone," Angel said softly, stroking Connor's hair over and over like a cat.

"What?" Faith asked.

"He's not in there," Angel said, his voice choking up. "He's broken."

"You don't know that, Angel," Wesley said. "He could just be in shock."

Angel shook his head, his large hand still moving soothingly over Connor's stiff, gore-slicked hair. "I've destroyed more minds for fun that I care to remember. I know the look, all the signs. On her bad days, Dru would retreat into a catatonic state." Angel's head snapped up, his dark eyes settling on Lorne. "What the hell happened, Lorne? Why were you going for the weapons' cabinet?"

"Self-preservation," Lorne said angrily. He waved a hand at Connor." He was going to kill me."

"Just like that?" Angel shot his friend a disbelieving look. "No provocation? He came here to save you and Cordy. He thought the Beast had sent someone to kill you."

Lorne rubbed his neck at the newly joined junction. "I wasn't awake when he got here. That was so strange. I could barely keep my eyes open. I mean, when you guys are out on the job, I'm usually too nervous to sleep. Cordy said I probably was just stressed out and suggested I lie down. The next thing I know I hear shouting. Cordelia was saying something about being too sick to go glowy and kick Connor's ass."

"And that's when it happened?" Faith interrupted, her face wrinkling as she tried to imagine why Cordelia would think to attack Connor.

Lorne sat back, a strange expression on his face. "No. I heard Connor say something about her putting down a knife then I heard Cordelia scream and then a loud crack. I ran downstairs and found Connor kneeling over Cordelia. He was weeping and saying he didn't mean to do it."

"He pushed her too hard," Angel said, his fingers twisting in Connor's hair so hard clumps pulled free. "I warned him about remembering his strength."

Lorne's tongue snaked out, wetting his lips. "I suppose but I didn't believe it was an accident."

"It would explain why Cordelia wasn't torn apart like the rest," Wesley mumbled, heading for the reception desk, trying hard not to step in any blood. A strange calm settled on his face as he numbed himself. He reached a place where his friends' death couldn't touch him anymore. He needed that safe haven, at least until the situation was dealt with and he could handle his grief in private.

"Well, I didn't have all this evidence to make comparisons," Lorne said cattily, waving his hands at the Gunn and Fred.

"So what did you do?" Faith paced around Lorne. There was something he wasn't telling them. She could sense it and she wanted to beat it out of him, but that wouldn't help anything. "See the body and run for the weapons?"

He eyed her sourly. "No. I accused him of murder and he kept saying he didn't mean to do it. I panicked. I don't even remember what I said next. I guess I did go for the weapons and that's all I remember outside of blinding pain. I started coming to a bit and I heard him making this keening noise and I heard him chopping. I blacked out again. I don't know why he killed them, Angel, other than they had to have come in and seen me and Cordelia dead." Lorne's angry look faded into one of sorrow.

"They must have tried to attack him, too," Angel said, slipping the bracer-axe off Connor's arm. That had to be the way it happened. Connor wasn't a cold-blooded killer. Angel would never believe that.

"Or maybe he's a little monster like I warned you about when I left for Vegas and he just killed them because he could." Lorne's green lips peeled back from his teeth in a sneer.

"If he were a monster, Lorne," Angel hit the name like a lightning strike. "He would have left the bodies and run. He could have gone anywhere, shucked his clothing and told us Gunn and Fred beat him home, that the Beast's minions killed you all."

"We would have believed that," Wesley said softly, tensing as he realize he might need to get Lorne out of the room before he pushed Angel too far. "At least until we helped you. No, I'm inclined to believe that Connor snapped and that's when he attacked you, Fred and Gunn. You said Connor told you he pushed Cordelia, which is possible given what you heard about the knife. There's a blade under this desk and a fairly substantial one at that. If he pushed her and she fell and hit her head that could have sent him over the edge." Wesley pointed to the corner of the desk indicating the blood and hair caught on the edge. "Connor loved her. He'd never purposely hurt her."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Lorne sniped, wincing as he turned his neck tentatively.

"I'm sure. He loved her and he's not faking this. I don't think he'd know how," Angel said, closing Connor's eyes. The boy didn't reopen them. "What am I going to do with him?" The words tumbled out of Angel like broken glass, sharp and fragile.

"Well, if there was anything in the way of a police force left I'd say call 911." Lorne lowered his head, almost as if he were brandishing his horns.

"No," Angel whispered.

"Will they even send anyone?" Faith asked. "I know that most of the cops either left the city or got dead out there trying to help others."

"I don't think the cops would take Connor to jail, not in this condition. He'd go to a psych ward until he could stand trial, provided they could find one still functioning in L.A.," Wesley said.

"When did you get a law degree?" Lorne glared up at the former Watcher.

"I don't need to be a lawyer to know if Connor can't help in his defense, he can't be tried," Wesley said, not sure why he was coming to Connor's defense, maybe because he felt responsible. If not for him, Connor would still be an innocent baby and none of this would have happened.

"Well, we have to figure out something," Faith said, gesturing at the bodies of her fallen compatriots.

"There's not much left of the Council thanks to the First Evil," Wesley said. "But they're rebuilding. I know someone who can help. He was still alive just a few days ago when he emailed me."

"Nothing can help with this," Angel said, despondent.

"Not with what's happened but he could help Connor. Dr. Stiabhan Savage is a psychiatrist. He's worked with criminal cases and with the weirdness that goes with being a Watchers. He's a Watcher Special Ops," Wesley explained. "You've met his partner Dr. Maddoc a few years ago."

"So you're going to let him get away with murdering three people?" Lorne snarled.

"Does it look like he's gotten away with anything?" Angel asked as Connor's eyes opened, staring back up at the ceiling. "Dru's been insane for over a century. This could be as good as it gets for my son for the rest of his life, imprisoned in his own mind."

"They were your friends. They deserve better than a cover up," Lorne argued, trying to get off the couch. His body, still shocky, refused to comply.

"They're more than friends. I was in love with Fred," Wesley said, his blue eyes hot as acetylene. "Do you think Angel doesn't care deeply for Cordelia?"

"I owe my son something, Lorne. I've failed him completely. Before, Holtz took him and after he came back, I threw him out into the streets and left him to fend for himself in a world he couldn't possibly understand. If I could take the blame and go to jail for him, I would. I love him that much and I know in my heart he never meant this. I would shoulder this for him."

"He tried to kill you, Angel. What were you suppose to do? Thank him?" Lorne slapped a couch pillow.

"I could have done more than I did." Angel got to his feet. "Wesley, you think this doctor would help Connor?"

"I'll call him," Wesley said.

"Lorne, Faith, I can't make this work without your help. I have to know what you're going to do," Angel said.

"We don't know what really happened here or why Cordy threatened Connor in the first place. I can't believe he came here to do murder. These three have been going out of their way to antagonize Connor and I'm not sure he believes there are good demons, Lorne." Faith paused. She went closer to Gunn's gory remains. She pointed with a toe to the swords on the floor. "Gunn and Fred had weapons in hand. I can see them going over the top when they found Cordy dead. I can only imagine how Connor'd react to being attacked." She dragged a hand through her hair roughly. "I'm not trying to blame them or anything but if he can be helped I say we do it. You did that much for me, Angel and I murdered because I could without much remorse. Having been through both I'm all for rehabilitation over incarceration."

Lorne shook his head. "I won't help you, Angel but I won't stop you either. Do this without me."

"Fair enough. Will you help with the arrangements for their funerals, at least? I'm not sure if Gunn has any family left but Cordy and Fred's parents will need to be told," Angel said, cautiously approaching Lorne. He didn't want to pressure his friend but he wanted Lorne close until he was sure of what the demon would do.

"I'll help with that but what are you planning on telling them?" Lorne asked.

"The weird stuff happening here is on the news all over the world. What have they been blaming all these demon attacks on? Fear-maddened mobs?" Faith asked.

"I'll give the police their killer," Angel said with grim determination. "What do I do with Connor now?"

"We have to get him cleaned up some place the police won't check the drains for blood evidence. I'll take him to Lilah's. I didn't give back my key. She took me seriously when I said go underground. She's been gone ever since the Beast killed everyone at Wolfram and Hart," Wesley replied.

"What if Connor wakes up out of his stupor? You don't stand a chance against him," Lorne said.

"A calculated risk. I don't believe Connor will recover any time soon. I'm more worried as to how profound Connor's catatonia is. He may not be able to stand or help himself in any way and given he's not moved more than his eyelids since we arrived I fear the worst," Wesley said.

Angel lifted Connor in his arms. He tipped his son until his feet touched ground. "Can you stand for me, son? Just stand," Angel said, letting Connor go. He wobbled but didn't topple. "Can you go with Wesley? He's going to help you."

  
Connor made no effort to move. Wesley took his tacky, bloody hand and gently led him away from the carnage. Connor followed meekly.

"Do you want me to go with them in case Connor does come out of this?" Faith asked.

"Yes," Angel said. "Lorne, do you have somewhere to go? I don't know how to explain you to the police."

"There's a place or two."

"If you're up to driving, Lorne, take my Suvie," Wesley said. "I guess Connor and I can go through the sewers to Lilah's. I couldn't risk taking him in my vehicle anyway, not as blood drenched as he is."

"Too dangerous right now to walk," Faith said. "There are plenty of cars in the street. I can hotwire one for you."

Angel watched Lorne and Faith head out to the vehicles then looked back at what his son had done. He'd be breathless and shaking if he breathed at all. How could things have gone this wrong?

Faith came back in soon enough and looked at Wesley. "It's the white Civic down the block, nice and non-descript. Let's go."

"Faith, wait. I need to speak to you. I'm not sure how much Connor can understand but it's better he doesn't hear," Angel decided even though he couldn't fathom what he was shielding his son from. "You stay with him, Wes."

"Of course."

Angel headed for the kitchen with Faith. Wordlessly he filled a glass then nearly dropped it on the counter. He leaned against it, trembling. He felt Faith's hands sliding around him. He turned to face her, feeling his strength melt away like snow on a warm day. "Am I doing the right thing, Faith?"

"I think you're doing the only thing you can do. It's this or Connor spends the rest of his life in jail or a mental hospital." She embraced him tightly, resting her head against his chest.

"I know. You'll have to fill in Wesley for me as to my plan."

"Which is?"

Angel took a deep, unnecessary breath and laid it all out for Faith.

"That could work," Faith said when he was done.

"I know. If there's an investigation I don't want the police to know Connor even exists and I don't want them to be able trace me either. We have to get all the photos of Connor and me out of here. I don't want some sharp-eyed cop seeing one and start pressing into who we are. I don't think there's actually any of Connor as an adult and maybe none of me either but I'm not sure what Cordelia might have had."

"We'll double-check with Wesley."

"If I had done more for Connor…"

"Shhh, Angel, there's no sense in wondering what might have been. It's done. You can't undo it," Faith murmured, holding on even more forcefully. 

Angel folded his arms around her, silent tears streaking down his face. It didn't seem that long ago he was the one holding her, letting her pour out her pain. There was no bottom to this well of anguish. All he could do was not let it drown them both.

*                                                          *                                              *

Angel lifted his shirt from the pool of blood and put it on. It felt tacky against his cold skin and the scent was making his stomach clench with hunger. Angel felt shamed to his core over the involuntary reaction. He would never be able to put into words how hard it was to coat himself with his friends' blood, rubbing it on his face and hair but he had to look like he had been the one to commit these crimes. He had smeared blood and tissue on an axe from his cache trying not to look at his slain family as he did so.

He had hidden Connor's axe in the sewers and for the life of him he couldn't say why. He just didn't want it to end up in an evidence locker. By now Faith and Wesley had Connor safely away at Lilah's. After they had left he had gone to the street corner and dialed 911 to tell them he had heard screams coming from the hotel. That was over an hour ago and only now did he hear approaching sirens. He would be lucky to avoid daylight at this point.

The bones of his face shifted. He wanted no chance of being recognized. Some of the police knew him through Kate. And it didn't hurt to have the extra viciousness his game face afforded him. "I'm so sorry to make your deaths a lie," he said softly. "But I don't think any of you would want vengeance on Connor. Well, maybe you Gunn but I think you'll understand."

  
The police came in cautiously; two young men looking terrified even before they saw the carnage. He howled wordlessly and charged them.

"Drop it!" one of them cried as the other told Angel to stop. He kept running at them with the axe. He didn't go down at the first shot. Angel ignored the fiery pain as more bullets tore into him. Finally he went down. It was harder than he expected to lie there and play dead but he could do it. They would think he was the guilty party and the case would be closed. Connor would be safe. May his friends' forgive him.


	15. Healing Begins

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

_Mama just killed a man,_

_Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead_

_Mama, life had just begun,_

_But now I've gone and thrown it all away_

_Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry,_

_If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,_

_Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters_

_Too late, my time has come,_

_Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time_

_Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,_

_Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth_

_Mama, ooh, I don't want to die,_

_I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all_

Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen 

****

****

"Are you ready, Angel?" Wesley asked, resting back against his couch pillows, exhaustion radiating from him like light.

"No," Angel replied. How could he be ready? He was giving his son away. Yes, he was turning him over to trained mental health professionals and an old friend had promised to go with them to help as much as he could. But that didn't change the fact that he didn't know when he would see his son again. Would he be able to look at Connor without seeing his dead friends in his mind's eyes? 

This was so hard. Harder even than what he had endured in the last few days and Angel wouldn't have thought that possible. After he forced the cops to shoot him the real ordeal began. It lasted for hours while the uniformed police managed to locate some detectives. They pulled apart the hotel searching for clues. They found Wesley's phone number and summoned him to identify the bodies. It was torture trying to ignore Wesley's pain as he had to see what was left of his friends once more. Wes disavowed any knowledge of who the man the police had killed was. He even went so far as to suggest that maybe Angel was one of those people who had grotesque cosmetic surgeries.

Finally, the detectives released Angel to the morgue as a John Doe. Angel had judged by the sheer number of corpses that he would go straight to a pauper's grave sans autopsy. He had dug out of a grave once before. He could do it again. And if they did slate him for an autopsy, he'd just disappear. They probably wouldn't even miss his body. All he had to do was pretend to be dead until he could escape and pray that Connor didn't come out of it and go after his remaining family.

It hadn't worked out quite as he'd expected. When all was said and done, Angel was forced to escape the morgue before the medical examiner took him apart. At least Connor hadn't gone after Wesley or Faith. His poor child was still catatonic.

Angel glanced at Wesley. "I'm not ready."

"This is the right thing to do, Angel," Wesley said then jumped when someone knocked on his apartment door. Angel had heard the approaching footsteps.

Wesley let Giles into the apartment. How old the Watcher looked struck Angel. The lines in his face seemed to cut through to the bone and silver dominated his hair. His blue eyes screamed with exhaustion from behind his glasses. He moved slower than Angel could ever remember him doing. 

"Hello, Giles, thanks for coming," Angel said. "Are you certain you shouldn't stay in Sunnydale instead of going with Connor to help me?" He paused for a moment. "Can I get you anything?"

Giles shook his head. "Thank you, no. And things are all right in Sunnydale, thanks to the help you gave us with that demon blade. Buffy can handle herself without me, Angel. It's the Council that need my attention now. I've already sent Kennedy to London just to be sure she got on the plane. She was hassling everyone about staying with Willow. It's just not possible. The other two Potentials will join her soon."

"And Buffy is okay with this?" Angel glanced at Giles, surprised.

Giles sagged, looking almost basset hound like. "She'd rather I stay, of course but the truth is, Angel, I'm getting too old for fieldwork. I'm becoming a liability." Giles paused, the air rushing out of his nostrils. He looked suddenly older. "I can do more good helping rebuild the Council and training the next generation." Giles gestured towards Wes. "Wesley, they're talking about inviting you back. You're probably of a mind to tell them to go to hell but I thought you should know."

Wesley's eyes opened wide. "Thank you."

"But you'll help with my son, too, if your time isn't completely taken up by the Council?" Angel heard the worry in his voice. Had he misunderstood why Giles was going with them today?

Giles' pursed his lips, obviously instantly gone somewhere in deep thought then asked, "Do you honestly want me to?"

"Giles, I couldn't imagine a better person. You weren't just a father to Buffy. All of them saw you like that and that speaks volumes," Angel said without hesitation.

Giles smiled, pulling off his glass as a hint of a blush crept up his cheeks. "Thank you. When you told us that you even have a son…stunned isn't the word for it."

"I know." Angel rolled his lip between his teeth. Wesley had taken a call from Giles to tell them the First had been vanquished and that Buffy and her friends were all safe only hours after they had found their friends dead. Yesterday, Angel had called Sunnydale to talk to Buffy and the others himself, to tell them that Cordelia was dead and lie to them about how it had happened. He had asked for Buffy and Giles to stay on the line without the others listening in and he told them both about having a son. He could hear the tears in Buffy's voice; a sense of betrayal that he hadn't told them earlier. He couldn't blame her. She made a lame excuse and left him talking to Giles. He told Giles that he needed help, told him about Connor's mental state but not how the boy had become catatonic. He told Giles there was more but he couldn't tell him over the phone. Giles told him that he didn't know what he could do to help.

Twelve hours later, Giles had called back having spoken to Wesley and Angel presumed Dr. Savage since Giles knew more than Angel had told him. He agreed to come to L.A. to meet with them and said he planned to go with Connor and watch out for him.

"May I see him?" Giles asked.

"Of course. Faith and Wesley have been watching him here. Faith's gone out for the day. Connor follows her around like a puppy. We thought it might be easier on him if she weren't here since I'm not sure he'd understand why she can't go with him. I don't want to confuse him," Angel said, heading for the bedroom.

"Hold on, Angel, they're arriving," Giles said.

Angel felt a hint of something like electricity lapping over his skin. Tiny sparkles danced in the center of the room like living opals. They expanded and burst into prismatic light. Out of it stepped two people. Both were clad in dark brown leather jackets and non-descript blue jeans and dark shirts. Both were tall. The buxom brunette had her thick wavy hair pulled back and she hadn't really changed much in the few years that had passed since Angel had last seen Dr. Saeth Maddoc. The man with her, whom Angel assumed to be Dr. Savage, had warm blue eyes that invited people to truest him instantly. Angel hoped they'd work on Connor. 

Saeth shook her head, looking exhausted. Savage put a hand on her shoulder to steady her. "That never gets any easier," she muttered, managing a smile for Angel. "Hello, Angel. Sorry to see you again under these conditions."

"I'm glad you're willing to help, Saeth," Angel said. She looked perplexed for a moment and he remember she went by the nickname Mad Dog but right now he wasn't in the mood to hear the word 'mad.'

She went over to Wesley and Giles, kissing both men gently. "Nice to see you two again. My house is ready for your stay, Ripper and we've got a sturdy room ready for the boy."

"Then Wesley told you what Connor is and what he can do," Angel said. He had wanted that to be secret but he knew that Giles, Savage and Saeth would need to know in case anything went wrong.

"Yes, he did. Angel, I'm sure you've guessed this is my partner, Dr. Stiabhan Savage," Saeth said, patting the thin man's shoulder.

"Thank you, Doctor, for agreeing to do this," Angel said.

  
Savage smiled and held out his hand. Angel shook it. "I'm sorry this happened to your son, Angel. And I'm glad to help. This will be an interesting challenge if you'll forgive me for saying so."

Angel could hear his homeland in Savage's lilt. He knew it was irrational but he felt somehow better knowing that Savage was an Irishman. "That's all right, Dr. Savage. I understand how you might see it that way. Please, have a seat. I was just about to call Connor out here."

"Please do," Savage said, sitting on Wesley's couch.

"Can I get you two anything first?" Wesley asked. "I know teleportation spells drain you, Saeth."

"Orange juice if you have it or just water if you don't," she replied, collapsing in a chair.

"Of course."

Angel waited for Wesley to get it for her and everyone settled before going to the next room. "Connor, son, come with me." After a few moments when Connor didn't appear, he waved for him to follow. "Come on."

They watched as a scrawny kid wandered out of the room waving back. Angel gave them an odd look. "Sorry, he's been doing that, mimicking us ever since Wesley brought him here." Angel looped an arm around Connor, pulling him closer. Connor's eyes canted up at his father as he staggered a bit against him. Angel saw a small flash of blue out of the corner of his eye and he glanced at Saeth. He remembered her wardings, anything demonic nearing her set off the spell. That was the blue flash. "So…it's true. Connor isn't human." He could hear his own heart breaking with those words.

"Angel, we knew he had to have…" Wesley trailed off as Angel's eyes fixed on him.

"Wesley said he was the son of two vampires. I wouldn't have expected him to be entirely human," Saeth said, her eyes not leaving Connor.

"And if he was, he wouldn't have set off your alarms," Angel said, feeling even more defeated.

"No. There's a touch of demon in him," she said, glancing over at Angel.

Angel sagged a bit. "Like Wesley said, we knew it had to be true even if we didn't want to talk about it. Connor hates demons. You might not want to mention this to him when he's able to understand clearly."

"We'll never mention it again unless we have to," Savage said, matter-of-factly.

"And what about the spell?" Angel gestured at it and Connor did likewise.  

"I'll attune it to his harmonics and it won't go off again," Saeth assured him.

Giles got up, studying the boy. "It's amazing. I didn't actually believe it completely, that you could have a son. He looks…nothing like you."

Angle smiled faintly. " I know." He smoothed Connor's hair. Connor reached up and did the same to him. Angel caught his hand. "Connor, this is Giles and he's going to be keeping an eye out for you. Can you say hello to him?"

Giles inched closer as Connor turned his gaze away from his father to him, his head wobbling like a newborn kitten's. He smiled vacantly, his lips pulling wide, showing teeth.

"He hasn't spoken a word since we found everyone dead," Wesley said.

"How did it happen? What did he see or do?" Giles asked, touching Connor's arm as if to prove he was real. Connor poked Giles' arm right back.

"Before we get into that, I'm more interested in what Connor's been doing since he entered this state. You said he's not talking," Savage said, leaning forward, staring intently at Connor.

  
Angel wagged his head. "He's not talking. He doesn't do anything other than follow Faith around and mimic whatever he sees any of us doing."

"And he's otherwise nonresponsive?" Savage asked.

"He'll do what we tell him to but otherwise he just sits and stares," Angel replied. "He won't eat or drink. It's been three days."

"I've gotten sips of water into him. So has Faith but he won't do more than sip at it. He won't really drink and he won't touch food," Wesley added.

"Has he been voiding at all or has his body total shut down?" Savage pulled a notepad out of his jacket pocket and started jotting things down.

"I think he did once on his own…properly but I'm not entirely sure," Angel said, wondering why he hadn't thought about it. The fact he had been lying in the morgue and didn't know didn't matter to him. He should have known.

"All right, let's see if he takes some. Go ahead and give him a glass," Savage said.

Angel went and got his son a glass of water. He sat with Connor but the boy wouldn't even look at the offered drink.

"As for the mimicking, it's called echopraxia and it's a symptom of catatonia. It can be rather common but you don't find it usually in literature available to the public so people trying to fake catatonia don't know to try this," Savage said, making more notes.

"We don't think Connor has the knowledge to even try to fake it," Wesley said. "He's been in this dimension less than a year. He was raised in Quor-toth and doesn't know much about Earth."

"Quor-toth?" Saeth's jaw dropped. "How did he survive?"

"The man who took him, who raised him from a baby, managed to keep them both safe but Connor is wholly uneducated. He can read some but that's it as far as we know," Angel said, trying to press the glass into Connor's hand. "Take a drink for me, son." Connor didn't take it nor did he try to drink when Angel touched the glass to his lips. Angel set the glass down. "He doesn't like me very well. I don't know if that has anything to do with him refusing me."

"It could. We'll try later. You mentioned Connor had something to do with the deaths," Savage said.

"I was curious about that. I know why you didn't want to talk over the phone but it made me wonder if I'm doing the right thing by helping," Giles said frankly. He shot Angel a penetrating look that the vampire met without flinching.

"He killed Cordelia, Giles. And if you want nothing to do with this, I'll understand. I should have told you that before you came here but you are going back to Wales to help rebuild the Council anyhow," Angel said, stroking Connor's arm.

Giles' eyes went wide and for a moment he was silent. "Do you know why he did it?"

"From what we can piece together, he and Cordy were fighting," Angel said softly.

"Was this common for them?" Savage broke in.

"Lately yes. They had a…well, one-night stand. Cordy told him they couldn't be together and I think he was honestly in love with her. She crushed him and he didn't understand but he wasn't trying to force her back with him. In fact, he was doing his best to avoid her. He resented her trying to run his life even if she didn't want to be in it. We know that last night she pulled a knife on him and he pushed her. We think she hit her head and died instantly," Angel said as Connor rested his head against his father's shoulder.

"Connor is as strong as a vampire or possibly a Slayer," Wesley said. "He forgets that. He never had to pull his punches on Quor-Toth."

"Lorne overhead the fight. He's demonic, from Pylea, and Connor didn't see any reason not to kill Lorne like he would any other demon. Like I said, Connor hates demons. He was raised to kill them. He was obeying our ruling that he leaves Lorne alone. Lorne saw Cordy was dead and Connor crying he didn't meant to do it. Lorne provoked Connor somehow and went for the weapons and that's when Connor beheaded him," Angel said.

Saeth's head came up sharply at that. "That won't kill a Pylean."

"No, but Connor didn't know that. Still Lorne was unconscious for what came next," Wesley said. 

"All we can guess is our other friends came home and saw the bodies and attacked Connor or maybe he went for them immediately. Either way, he killed them. When Wes, Faith and I returned we found Connor huddled around Cordy's body and our friends had been slaughtered." Angel paused, seeing Wes go pale.

"We think he killed Gunn first as the biggest threat," Wes said, forging on. "Then Fred. She took the worst of his rage. He didn't just dismember her. He chopped her into tiny bits." Wesley gulped for air at the memory.

"God," Giles whispered.

"Connor's been like this since we found him," Angel said. "When the cops came I pretended to be the killer, in full vamp face. They shot me and officially the case was closed.  It'll get no further than this. I know I'm asking you to participate in a crime by helping my son and if you tell me no, I'll understand."

"I can see why you'd want to protect your son, Angel but Wesley, tell me why you think that this is better than a jail cell." Saeth glanced over at her friend curiously.

"Partly this is our fault. We didn't give Connor enough support and he makes it hard to be friendly with him at times. But still we are the adults. We should have tried harder to take care of him. He's still a boy," Wesley said as Angel paced through Wes' small living room. The others pulled into themselves as if Angel's very motion could burn them. "And by his own admission, once we reunited his head with his body, Lorne called Connor a murderer. The boy panicked. If Lorne hadn't done that, maybe it just would have ended with Cordelia's tragic death. Connor was still coherent then. From what we can tell, the mental breakdown happened after he attacked Lorne. If only he had taken Connor at his word, it might not have gone this far." Wesley stopped, looking up at Angel who had paused in his stalking in front of him.

"I see. I'm willing to take him into my home, Angel, if Savage wants to help," Saeth said. 

"I want to try this more than ever," Savage said with the eagerness of a professional with a new meaty problem. "Angel, I get the sense you're holding something back."

Angel shifted uncomfortably. "Can we talk where Connor can't hear us?"

"Of course." Savage said. "Would you like to stay here with Connor, Saeth?"

"Certainly," she said, sitting next to Connor, taking his hand. He smiled at her.

"Wes, Giles, you might want to hear this, too," Angel said, leading Savage into the library.

"Do you think Wesley's assessment is wrong? Do you think Connor purposely cut them all down?" Savage asked, leaning on the desk as Angel shut the door.

"No, that's not it," Angel said. "I don't think Connor knew the truth about Cordy. She was going to wait for me to tell him, if she even was going to. That one night stand happened when the sky started raining fire and Cordy wasn't thinking about…um, protection. She was carrying Connor's child. He killed his own baby and if he doesn't know it, I don't want him to."

"She was…" Wesley ground a fist into his leg. "Of course. Why didn't I even think of that when she started getting so sick."

"I think you're right. He doesn't need to know," Savage said.

"It's worse than just that," Angel said. "Wes, when I had you pull up the autopsy report on Cordelia…"

"And asked me not to read it," Wesley broke in, an irritated look in his blue eyes.

"There was a reason. Kate had gotten in touch with me yesterday to bring it to my attention. She still has contacts with the police and the coroner's office. The autopsy showed Cordelia was pregnant. I was expecting that but the fetus wasn't just a few weeks old. Its size suggested a few months."

"That can't be, unless it was from when she was in a higher plane," Wesley said, his nose wrinkling.

"Cordelia was certain it was Connor's. It doesn't matter. The baby wasn't human." Angel paused, rocking back on his heels, uncomfortable with what he had to say next. "It was demonic. It was probably growing at an exponential rate."

"Demonic?" Savage's dark brow raised. He scribbled something in his notebook.

"Cordelia was melded with a demon to help her survive the visions," Wesley said and Giles made a startled sound.

"And I've always feared Connor wasn't entirely human and tonight that was confirmed. We never spoke of it since he hated demons so much. I think he knew he had some demon in him, feared it but he doesn't talk to me about well, much of anything." Angel scrubbed a hand through his messy hair, feeling dull and numb at this point.

"And the demon aspects came together in this baby." Giles plucked off his glasses and started cleaning them fiercely with the hem of his shirt.

"Yes and we would have had to destroy this baby even if Cordelia hadn't died," Angel said. "So I don't want Connor to ever know there was a possibility he had fathered a child."

"Yes, that would be for the best," Savage said.  "From what little I've observed, I think Connor's symptoms are very real, Angel. As it is now, even if you had taken him to the authorities, he would have been put in a psych hospital until his mind cleared. They wouldn't jail him in this condition. Tell me, is there anyone particularly close to him? It might help to have them with him."

Angel shook his head. "No. Wesley barely knew him. Lorne would only make him worse. He was only close to Cordelia."

"What about Faith?" Wesley asked. "He has been following her around since this all happened."

"I don't think she'd be a good choice to help an unstable boy," Giles said. "Even if she knows how it is first hand."

"She'd help but their closeness was…inappropriate," Angel said grimacing, unsure if he should even mention it.

"How so?" Savage asked, pouncing on that.

"They met in an alley fighting vampires. Faith is…um."

"Highly sexed," Giles supplied.

"Yes, and just released from prison that day. I'm not sure if Connor is just a typical horny teenager, very open to seduction or if he was out to piss off Cordy for dumping him but I caught him in bed with Faith." Angel slumped against the bookshelves. "I think she understands him well but she's the Slayer. She would be a help if Connor got physical but I can't have her with my son when there's work out there for her to be doing."

"Fair enough. You mentioned he dislikes you," Savage said.

"Hates me. He was raised his entire life with one purpose, to kill me for killing the family of the man who kidnapped him. Connor lives to irritate me as much as possible. That's why I won't go to Wales with you. I might just make him worse," Angel said miserably.

"Good idea and I'll keep you up to date on his progress. When I feel it would be beneficial to have you there, I'll let you know," Savage said. "If you want to move in with us for a while, you can but if Connor's got that mind set against you, you might impede his recovery. Is there anything else you needed to tell me that you don't want him hearing?"

"No."

Savage headed back for the living room. Saeth sat with Connor on the couch, studying the boy with a half-lidded gaze.  

Angel looked at his son's vacant eyes and felt his world tipping sideways. The reality of what had happened came rushing back once more, nearly overwhelming him. "Do you think you can help him, Savage?" 

"I can't make promises. That's the thing with mental illness. Catatonia tends to go into periods of remission. It does respond to drugs." Savage smiled encouragingly.

"And if it doesn't my son spends the rest of his life staring into space?" Despair colored Angel's words. He felt the bite of tears but managed to cap them off.

"This is the better stage of catatonia. He could be in the excited stage where he could be dangerous to himself and others. Some people have used electroshock therapy for this but I prefer not to do that," Savage said. "And even if he does come out of this, Angel, it doesn't mean he'll be healed. So long as he's non-responsive and non-verbal, I can't tell what other damage has been done to his mind but we won't give up easily. Right now, I'm most concerned with him refusing nourishment. If he doesn't start eating and drinking soon we'll have to take heroic measures but we'll talk about that later. If Saeth's ready, we should get Connor back to Wales."

"Where exactly is your home, Saeth?" Angel asked.

"Crug Hywel. My home is old, over five hundred years, very sturdy stone and all that. The room I have for Connor isn't the nicest, doesn't really even have much of a window but given his condition Savage thought that was for the best. My great grandmother, Rhiannon, lives nearby to help if we need her. My binding spells should be enough to handle Connor if he gets physical. And if he comes out of this fugue, I have a lot of land for him to exercise on. I'm sure he'd like that. And my brother's family tends to pop in a lot. He has four kids right around Connor's age," she said.

Angel's eyes widened. "Four?"

"Two his own, two adopted. Evan has nine kids of his own. My family is sort of like a rich version of the Weasleys." She grinned but Angel just gave her a puzzled look. "Sorry, Harry Potter joke. Let's just leave it as there's plenty of us and we're all mages. Dylan, my eldest nephew is a fairly strong mage, perfectly capable of binding Connor if need be."

"I like the idea of Connor having someone his own age around. He's never had that, not ever." A hint of a smile touched Angel's lips at the thought of his son having something normal like friends his own age. "Thank you for helping me. I know how much I'm asking of you all, the risk I'm putting you at."

"I'm not very easy with this," Giles admitted. "But I'm willing to believe he never meant for it to happen. He wouldn't be like this if he did. I'll be living with Savage and Saeth and I'll do what I can to help with Connor. I'll have to give much of my time to rebuilding the Council but I'm sure I can help with your son, Angel."

"Thank you, Giles. You have no idea how much this means to me." Angel shook Giles' hand, sorrow reflecting his dark eyes. "Could I have a little time alone with him?"

"Of course."

Angel waited until everyone went into Wesley's library before  pulling Connor up into a tight hug. The boy was limp in his arms. "Connor, I want to believe you can hear me and understand. These people are going to help you. Giles is one of the finest men I know, you listen to him, okay? I forgive you for what happened. You're going to get better. I know you're in pain now but it will get better. They're going to take you to Wales. That's a long ways away from here and I can't go with you. We'll be apart for a while but that doesn't mean I don't love you. I'll call and talk to you, I promise. I can be there whenever you need me and you will sometime. I know that you will because I know you'll get through this. You let them help you. You can make amends. I know this better than anyone." Angel brushed Connor's hair back. His son's blue eyes were trained on him. He thought the boy was listening. He kissed his forehead gently. "Good bye for now, Connor. Remember that I'll always love you, no matter what."

Angel waited, praying for a response but Connor just shut his eyes, his breath escaping in a soft sigh. He patted his arm and led Connor back to the others. It was breaking his heart to let Connor go but he knew he had to. He could only cling to his belief that redemption was possible for himself and for his son. He would do anything in his power to make that happen and he knew that this was the first best step on that path.

Angel took Connor into the library. "He's ready. Saeth, at some point could I come to your home and be with him when Dr. Savage thinks it'll be good for Connor?"

"Of course. Once Connor starts speaking again, we'll arrange for him to talk to you regularly if Savage thinks it'll help him," Saeth said.

"Either way, we'll be in touch with you every few days, Angel," Savage said, "To keep you updated."

Angel nodded. "Thank you."

"Do you have any luggage you want to send along with him?" Saeth brushed Connor's hair out of his eyes and he reached up and did the same for her.

"Connor's not into belongings outside of weapons and he doesn't need those now," Angel said. "He doesn't have much of a wardrobe either. I have an overnight bag of clothes for him. I'll go get it."

Angel went more slowly than he knew was necessary as he fetched his son's clothing. Once he turned it over, Connor would be gone. He just wasn't ready to let him go. He was missing him already and the boy was still standing in the apartment. Angel had been hoping for a miracle, that Connor would come out of this on his own and none of this would be necessary. He knew it wouldn't happen and he knew he was doing what was best for Connor but it was torture.

He handed the bag to Savage. "This is all he has."

"Very well. Everyone join hands and hold tight. You don't want to get lost between worlds," Saeth said cheerily.

"Hold on, Connor. Don't let go," Angel said, hugging his son for all he was worth. He put Connor's hand in Giles'. The Watcher folded an arm around Connor then linked his other arm to Saeth. Angel kissed Connor's forehead then stepped back. "You be good for them, son. They're going to help you. I love you, Connor. Be well."

Angel wanted to say a hundred other things but the words wouldn't come. He watched as the sparkling opalescent lights danced in the air again. The staticy feeling crawled over his skin and then there was nothing. They were gone. He looked over at Wesley, reining in his tears with an iron hand. 

"This is the right thing to do," he said softly.

"It is," Wesley assured him.

  
Angel looked back at the spot that had held the quartet just moments before. He could still smell his son's scent in the air. He didn't know if a deity existed or if it would hear prayers from a creature like himself. He could only hope God would. What was that prayer? Until we meet again may God hold you in the palm of his hand?  Angel didn't know if he had much faith in God but he did have faith in his son and in Giles. He was content he had done the right thing. Now came the hardest part of all, living with what had happened. He glanced over at Wesley and knew how difficult it would be.

Rejoin the series with story #2, Blood Sings.

"If we hurry we can get you to Savage's office before he gives up all hope," Giles said, herding Connor into the yew tunnel. The yew Connor had been perched in was the beginning of a project begun four hundred years prior. The landowner had sculpted and bent the yews into a massive tunnel. The effect was eerie and beautiful at the same time. Connor seemed to love it. It was the first place they thought to look for him when he didn't show to be taken into town. At least Saeth's home in Crug Hywel didn't have the huge amounts of land attached to it like her estate in the northlands. Giles wasn't keen on Connor having expansive desolate acreage to hide in if he got around to serious brooding as he was wont to do. Like father, like son.

Blood Sings excerpt.


End file.
